#forevermyson

Till this very day my heart still breaks for you. It hurts to know that I can't have you..It consumes so much of me to understand that u were needed somewhere else and not in my arms it hurts so much Ik I shouldn't dwell on the past but with time Ik my heart will heal. One thing for sure I will always thank the lord that you were once mine 👼🏽💙

I'm sitting here alone, my supportive partner is out updating his courses in order to look after me and my son soon hopefully. I sit here and find my life so easy so stress free something I'm still adjusting to, something I've never had the sense of living. So these are the feelings I've hid for so long, these are the feelings I've meant to have but could never feel simply because I've never had the time. My life has become easy and I am overwhelmed by the love Max gives me, he buys me expensive gifts that really arnt necessary but he feels I deserve them. I've never felt I deserve anything but emptiness and guilt Elis left me to feel. He told me I was weak, I had gotten soft told me I didn't have it in me anymore to survive the way I wanted. The way I wanted was what anyone could have wanted... bills paid, food in the cupboards, and a husband that works with me for the things in life. Instead Eli gave me the life of working 2-3 min wage jobs, never getting to see my son, supporting him as well while he sat at home watching and showing my son porn on the computer giving my son playboys at 7 and coming home to a different argument every night with dinner left to cook and a house left to clean, laundry to because of 3 sets a clothes a day to be able to work again the next, and all along trying to make time to see my son. I left to make an easier life to be able to provide my son with the life he deserves to be able to be a child now I'm struggling to get you back to enjoy whats left of it. My life perfect almost... I don't yell anymore because I have no reason to, me and max work together and he provides me with the opportunity to go back to school for that career I know I'll be good at. My reality show is going to show me picking up the parts to the disaster Eli, Rob, my biggest hater and the backstabbing bitch have tried to do to knock me and I'm gonna show you Seth first hand the troubles and the pain and the heartache and everything I'm doing to show u that I'm screaming how much I love you !