Just a little bit more

what a bad thing we knew.

I came across a few tarot reader on etsy, since it’s inexpensive i decided to try 3 readers, 1 havent get back to me though. I also did a few pick a card reading on youtube. Omg they are quite positive?

First reader:

Qn: Is he the one and what is his feelings towards me?

Second reader:

1st qn: How does he feel about me?

2nd qn: Why did he block me all of a sudden?

Qn: Where is this heading? (we're not in a relationship)

a friend said he could be scared of wanting more. another friend said might be cause i rejected his advances. 

=\

i just checked and i’m blocked again?

why...

so we msg like how we did in the past and before i said good night, i gave a little TMI cos i thought he was horny? lol. 

throughout the night whenever i toss and turn i will check my hp for replies but there isnt, until 6am+ when i woke up i found out that he had blocked me on whatsapp again. you know it’s blocked when suddenly there isnt a pic and status.

surprisingly i was not as upset as previous times, but i did thought of smsing him and already thought of what to say until i check again at 8am, and realise he has unblocked me. the pic and status is back..

-_-

omg....

remember back in May i did a love spell? 4 months... and i saw a feather.

i haven’t written in a while..

this morning he msg me all of a sudden, about work, reminding me to return the thumbdrive :) we msg on and off until he stopped replying me -_-

anyway it’s good enough, i’m happy. i asked if there’s any new girl, he asked me back the same question, i said no and he replied “good lah both dont have have”

do you believe in tarot? i was quite skeptical about it at first, but i still paid $23 for a monthly reading, and i can only know if it’s true at the end of the month

anyway i decided to ask her about me and N as i want some closure, some confirmation from others. and her readings are damn accurate! i did not even give his name, photo of DOB etc.

what she said about him is so damn true.

- he has issues - not emotionally interested - he did have feelings before but he can’t commit or has his own fears and doubts - he’s weird / abit loner - come and go / hot and cold

argh fuck. now the chances of seeing him is almost 0%.

- - -

我的心好痛。

though i had come to terms that he probably want nothing more than that, it was totally unexpected to blocked me 2 days after that conversation.

idk what i said wrong.

“think you just really like that someone wanted so much and also the companionship that he provided. he was there 24/7 for you hence it’s easier to fall into that trap of “this guy cares so much for me!”

“it’s just the fear of rejection creeping in that’s got you feeling and acting this way. i used to stalk last seen on updates and wonder why he can’t be bothered to reply. but once you stop stalking you kinda stop caring so much and slowly start to feel better. you take back that power into your hands”

idk what i’m feeling now.

i’ve actually come to terms that he probably wanted nothing more than that. that’s why i didn’t contact him for the past 2 weeks until last friday when i’m feeling super bored and kinda miss him.

wanna meet ltr? meet for sex ah? you want ah? no lah, shy. but i want lei hahaah ok la don’t force.

i jokingly said i want but i guess he thought it’s real. no more reply. on sunday afternoon i saw that he was online on whatsapp, but when i check again at night, he removed his pic and status.

and i suspect he blocked me. true enough i add him on my maid’s hp to check, he’s online but without pic/status. even now working hours he’s not online when he usually is.

sigh. what did i do wrong?

i seem to be obsessed with him, can’t stop thinking of him. idk if i’m craving for his attention that he gave at the start of this, or have i really fallen for him?

despite what i said previously, i still think of you. sometimes i wish i will bump into you..