☆evelyn.☆

i think the first word-vomit thought about wtialy i wanna put out there is that i never fully understood why hayden called ethel cain an unreliable narrator when it came to preacher’s daughter. lyric details like “i’ve killed before and i’ll kill again” and the whole “was isaiah kidnapping her or did she join him willingly” debate, sure, but those always felt minor. i reeeeally get it now. a knock at the door and tempest really show just how much of this relationship was in ethel’s head. i don’t blame her. i wouldn’t blame a puppy who just wants to cuddle for not understanding what “no” means yet either. that notion, the jules-vaughn-because-half-of-every-relationship-is-in-my-head of it all, was one of the main things that caused me to feel like this album held up a huge, embarrassing mirror to me. lord knows i’ve done the same thing, and honestly, i still do. because i can put all these narratives into my head about what i think i can be for them and how i think we can connect, how i feel like i’d understand them in a way no one could, but at the end of the day, i don’t know that person the way i think i do. i think despite how jaded i feel myself becoming towards love, i still hold onto that childish, fairy-tale image of what love could be like (“love is not enough in this world, but i still believe in nebraska dreaming, cause id rather die than be anything but your girl”). i guess i simply don’t see why it couldn’t be possible. but you’re not exactly watching where you’re going if your head’s in the clouds.

JANIE is dead. WILLOUGHBY is dead. and ME i feel also not so good

Hm i wonder why i feel so disconnected? *watches from afar* *watches from afar* *watches from afar* *watches from afar* *watches from afa