Where I Belong

Pastor: Now, according to a few passages in the bible, homosexuality is a sin.

Couple of older males in the audience: Amen!

Pastor: Now, wait, I'm not finished.

Pastor: You know what else the bible defines as a sin? Divorce.

-uncomfortable silence-

Pastor: There are countless passages that talk about how divorce is wrong, and that there are consequences to getting a divorce, such as the wife should be stoned.

Pastor: Yet, I witnessed a divorce just this morning. And I gotta tell you, it was heartbreaking, but I definitely didn't attempt to throw rocks at the wife, even though she was the one who filed for divorce.

Pastor: We choose to overlook the consequences of divorce because time has proven that they're inhumane and cruel.

Pastor: The bible doesn't say anything about the consequences of a homosexual lifestyle. Yet, we seem to be spearheading a campaign to ruin the lives of people we don't even know.

-the pastor shifts a few notes around-

Pastor: The bible states to love thy neighbor. That's it. There are no other rules or restrictions to that passage.

Tie me, Bite me: Name a kink.

That's Naughty: Name something you would want to try in bed, but won't.

That's Nice: Name something you want to try in bed and will.

Self Torture: What do you like to masturbate to?

Wine and Dine: Is it important to have a nice prelude before having relations?

Sweet Kisses: Are you a good kisser?

Tasty: Chocolate? Whipped cream? Do you use food with sex?

Two's a crowd and three's a party!: Have you participated in a threesome? Any more than three? Would you be interested in inviting more people?

Swinger: Ever traded partners before?

BJ: Swallow or spit? What do you prefer?

Porn Collection: Do you watch porn? Do you make your own porn?

Vibrator: Use any toys? Have a favorite?

Tempo: Sweet and slow or hard and fast?

Secret Lover: Describe someone you lust after. No names!

Washing Machine: Ever do it in a weird place before?

Sheets: Are silk sheets sexy?

Thong Song: Do you like sexy lingerie?

Flavor: What's your orientation?

Turn On: Name a turn on.

Turn Off: Name a turn off.

Frequency: How many times do you have relations in a week?

Heart and Soul: Is love important when you have sex?

Good Morning: Do you partake in morning sex?

French Maid: Do you roleplay in bed?

Mood: How do you create the mood? Favorite atmosphere?

Takeout: Do you and your partner "eat out" often?

Trouser Snake: Does size matter? Is it big?

Meow: Shaved or natural?

Gossip: Do you sleep and tell?

First Time: Who was your first time with?