How To Make Your Writing Less Stiff 5
Dredging this back up from way back.
Make sure your characters move, but not too much during heavy dialogue scenes. E.g. two characters sitting and talkingâdo humans just stare at each other with their arms lifeless and bodies utterly motionless during conversation? No? Then neither should your characters. Make themâŚ
Cross their legs/their arms
Shift around to get comfortable
Touch their face/their hair
Fiddle with buttons or jewelry
Touch their weapons/gadgets/phones
Move from chair to tabletop
Bonus points if these are tics that serve to develop your character, like a nervous fiddler, or if one moves a lot and the other doesnâtâwhat does that say about the both of them? This is where âshow donât tellâ really comes into play.
As in, you could say âheâs nervousâ or you could show, âHe fidgets, constantly glancing at the clock as sweat beads at his temples.â
This site is full of discourse on telling vs showing so Iâll leave it at that.
In the Sci-fi WIP that shall never see the light of day, I had a flashback arc for one male character and his relationship with another male character. On top of that, the flashback character was a nameless narrator for Reasons.
Enter the problem: How would you keep track of two male characters, one who you can't name, and the other who does have a name, but you canât oversaturate the narrative with it? I did a few things.
Nameless Narrator (written in 3rd person limited POV) was the only narrator for the flashback arc. I never switched to the boyfriendâs POV.
Boyfriend had only a couple epithets that could only apply to him, and halfway through their relationship, NN went from describing him as âthe other prisonerâ to âhis cellmateâ to âhis partnerâ (which was also a double entendre). NN also switched from using BFâs full name to a nickname both in narration and dialogue.
BF had a title for NN that he used exclusively in dialogue, since BF couldnât use his given name and NN hadnât picked a new one for himself.
Every time the subject of the narrative switched, I started a new paragraph so âheâ never described either character ambiguously mid-paragraph.
Is this an extreme example? Absolutely, but I pulled it off according to my betas.
The point of all this is this: Epithets shouldnât just exist to substitute an overused name. Epithets de-personalize the subject if you use them incorrectly. If your narrator is thinking of their lover and describing that person without their name, then the trait they pick to focus on should be something equally important to them. In contrast, if you want to drive home how little a narrator thinks of somebody, using depersonalizing epithets helps sell that disrespect.
Fanfic tends to be the most egregious with soulless epithets like "the black-haired boy" that tell the reader absolutely nothing about how the narrator feels about that black-haired boy, espeically if they're doing so during a highly-emotional moment.
As in, NN and BF had one implied sex scene. Had I said âthe other prisonerâ that would have completely ruined the mood. Heâs so much more than âthe other prisonerâ at that point in the story. âHis partner,â since they were both a combat team and romantically involved, encompassed their entire relationship.
The epithet also changed depending on what mood or how hopeless NN saw their situation. Heâd wax and wane over how close he believed them to be for Reasons. NN was a very reserved character who kept BF at a distance, afraid to go âall inâ because he knew there was a high chance of BF not surviving this campaign. So NN never used âhis loverâ.
All to say, epithets carried the subtext of that flashback arc, when I had a character who would not talk about his feelings. I could show you the progression of their relationship through how the epithets changed.
I could show you whenever NN was being a big fat liar about his feelings when he said he's not in love, but his narration gave him away. I could show you the exact moment their relationship shifted from comrades to something more when NN switched mid-paragraph from "his cellmate" to "his partner" and when he took up BF's nickame exclusively in the same scene.
I do the same thing in Eternal Night when Elias, my protagonist, stops referring to Dorian as "it" and "the vampire" instead of his name the moment they collide with a much more dangerous vampire, so jarringly that Elias notices in his own narrationâthe point of it being so explicit is that this degredation isn't automatic, it's something he has to conciously do, when everyone else in his clan wouldn't think twice about dehumanizing them.
Any literary device should be used with intent if you want those layers in your work. The curtains are rarely just blue. Whether itâs a simile with a deliberate comparison or an epithet with deliberate connotations, your readers will pick up on the subtext, I promise.