XelaMoc

I feel like I may actually be shallow. I’ve always thought of myself as someone who is very adaptive when it comes to friendships and other relationships with other individuals. But maybe I’m actually shallow... Hang on, before I get any further and start to be stereotypical, I’m going to actually look up the definition of shallow in the textual meaning of “they have a shallow personality.” I personally assume its someone who is boring on their own without outward influences. Let me see what the meaning actually is.

Ten hours later...

Okay, I don’t think I’m shallow. They have the definition of shallow is a person who only cares about looks. So I guess I’m not really shallow... Not initially, but everyone likes someone who looks like they take care of themselves. Though that’s probably not what I look like. I feel like I’m just an Average Alex who looks like another person in the crowd. I’ve always wanted to be a somebody who... well, a somebody to a lot of other somebodies. I’ve always wanted to feel important, but whenever I get a change to actually show people that I might actually be a somebody, I always just throw the chance away because I’m more concerned with what happens if i fail, rather than what happens if I succeed. 

I know lots of people are more concerned with the first and the latter always seems to be the bad afterthought of when the opportunity has come and gone. It happens to all of us and its not really a fun thing to think about. But It happens. Its horrible and brings us all into a big bummer mood. I try to ignore opportunities that happen like that, which probably isn’t best for my overall mental health, but I’d rather not think about bad things that make me feel bad. That’s when I started thinking of myself as shallow, but I guess I might just be boring... or just odd.

Whenever bad things come my way, I try to ignore them. If I start running out of money, I try to ignore it. If I find myself randomly crying in the middle of work, I try to ignore it and go on with my life, which is where my key phrase I always say comes in, “LIFE GOES ON.” Because it does. But a lot of people tell me that just because life goes on doesn’t mean I shouldn’t worry about what is happening now.

They have a point. I should probably think about what is happening now. I should be wary about my financial status, I should be more aware about my lack of social interaction, I should be concerned with my unemployment, but... I always come to the conclusion of...

“I don’t want to feel bad though.” Is that a selfish thing of me to think like that? I just personally don’t want to feel bad. So, I ignore the fact that I have $10 in my bank account, I purposely forget that I haven’t left the house in a month, I choose not to care about my unemployment because... I feel better when I don’t think about it. 

Is it bad for me to not think about bad things? Or is it okay for me to choose this “life style”? 

I had another weird dream last night. It was a little worrying, but it ended with a bunch of chocolate so I can’t complain too much.

I woke up a few times before I had this dream and the only thought going through my head was, “is my sister going Black Friday shopping?” So I went to sleep and found myself in a large mall area. Me knowing I only had $10 in my wallet I decided to be the carrier of my sister’s bags. She decided to go somewhere so I waited in the food area for her. 

First a lady came up to me and she just handed me a bag with something in it. I had no idea what it was. But I took it. She didn’t even say anything to me. Just handed me a bag. So I was a little weirded out by that, but then another lady comes up to me and she had like super long legs and a little white top and a bob hairstyle. But she comes up to me and hands me a large dutch bros drink. I look at her oddly, but I take it and hold onto it. 

It was yellow and i think it was like lemon flavored something. But I drank some of it before my sister came back. I told her that a lady gave me a drink and I had no idea who she was. My sister said not to drink it, but I’m like, that’s a waste of a good drink so I brought it with me to the car and we had some of my sister’s friend’s in the car and one of them told me not to park and take a nap because someone might try to take me and I’m like, I’m not even driving. You guys are. I’m just along for the ride.

So we started driving somewhere else and I got sleepy in my dream and laid down in the backseat for a few minutes. Then we got to our next destination. Everyone else started going inside this chocolate place. I waited in the backseat for my sister to get her newborn out of the car seat before I followed her. She went one way and I went another way but it was a giant chocolate factory of some sort. It was amazing and I started getting snackish so I started eating some of the chocolate around and there was a giant container (like a container that the cheezeballs come in) and it had MUD PIES written on it and it was full of the chocolate, no-bake oatmeal cookies. 

Then there was a really big guy who came up beside me and started eating them and I ate them with him and told him that I loved these things and he’s like I do too. Then he asked me do you remember? And I was confused but then he starts clapping and saying something about mud pies and stuff, like a little ditty. And I’m just laughing because it sounded ridiculous. Then he points out a lot of coke bottles that are like $30 and I’m like... Oh geez I shouldn’t be eating this stuff. I don’t have that kind of money. 

I really want to try working out. Something to just tone down a little bit. I’d rather have a personal trainer. Someone who tells me what to do for a work out. I know how to work out for the most part, but, you know, its more fun to work out when there is someone else with you. I’d like to have a personal gym. My dad has one in the garage that I could totally use if I wanted to. He’s got weights and a treadmill and a stationary bike and stuff. My dad is trying to get into shape so I might work out in the garage with him... you know, when I go back home. Since the rest of my family lives in Idaho and I’m currently in Texas. I might take some weights home when I go back for the holidays. I’ll see what happens. I should at least start working out while I’m here so that if or when I do plan on kicking it up a notch, I can ask my dad if I can take some weights home... Or I can see if there are weights in my sister’s garage. She wants to get into shape as well so i might ask her if she is interested in doing any of the workouts I’m planning on doing.

I’ve been doing some cleaning all morning. I did some dishes and laundry. Gonna go do some more and then watch some more MythBusters. I’d rather watch Avatar the Last Airbender, but I don’t have anything that will play a cd. I might go take my sister’s laptop and see if that will do anything or just keep watching YouTube. 

Another Dream story of mine that I had last night. It was a little odd because there was like 2 different parts. So I’ll try to mention Part 1 and 2. Here we go.

So I was walking through a city at night and somehow I managed to make it to this little haunted house place. I went inside and found myself face to face with succubus. She was tired of living and wanted to rid herself of her power, but couldn’t so she cursed a skull and trapped several people there, including myself. In order to get out, someone needed to grab the skull and hold onto it while they traveled on a train. Don’t know how we got there. But I grabbed the skull and held onto it for the whole train ride. There was a guy there too who was very interesting in my well being. Halfway through the train ride, there were several different rails that went different ways and the guy ended up going another way. I yelled for him to come back. I looked behind me and saw no other trains but several people running after me. Eventually we came to a very long field and it was getting dark. I decided to jump off the train and in doing so, the skull broke. I kept running though and eventually started getting really tired and I collapsed to the ground and it got dark. I heard voices talking. One asked if I was okay and the other said that I was going to be after the spell took affect. 

Then I woke up... That was part 1 of my dreams last night. It was a little odd. But the second one was more weird than anything. 

I was again in the city, but I made my way to a Taco Bell and there was someone there who needed a bunch of Taco Bell delivered to a certain place. I told them that I would do it for them. So I grabbed a few of the Taco Bell bags and went out to my car and tried unlocking a door, but then I saw someone that I remembered from High School. He was walking calmly towards me but then he told me to drop everything and run. I told him I couldn’t drop everything. I had my keys and bags of tacos in my hands. Then I saw a figure coming around a few cars, it was like a werewolf from Harry Potter. I turned around and started walking away form it with the guy form high school. I dropped my stuff when I saw that he started running so I did too. We were at some sort of school now and he was running towards some doors. I yelled at him to wait for me but he went in the doors. I felt my whole body getting tired again and I tried to pull myself towards the doors, but I saw the werewolf getting closer and it wasn’t alone it had several others. I started howling at them, hoping that they wouldn’t bother me. The first one started howling back at me and kept walking on. The other werewolves kept walking along too.

And then I woke up. That as part 2. They were really odd dreams last night, but I was entertained. I actually woke up in between both of them and was listening to the monkey screaming down the hall. I’ll never be able to go through the night without hearing him scream at least once during the night. 

A friend of mine and I were talking about this short little thought of a god and a mortal who refuses to get help from the god and the god won’t leave the poor person alone. So this is roughly how it went.

“So... I really like you and stuff.” He said to a frightened woman. “I think you’re really pretty and you have a nice pair of... eye balls?” The woman stomped up to him and shoved her finger into the man’s chest. “YOU KILLED ME!” She shouted. The man cringed and chuckled nervously. “Yeah... Sorry about that. It was an honest accident.” He shrugged. “Being the benevolent god that I am, I totally brought you back. You should be happy!” He said with a big smile on his face.  “Happy? You struck me with a bolt of lightening!” She screeched again. “In the middle of the entire village.” She placed her hands on her hips and scowled at him. The man chuckled again. “But you’re alive now.” He stated cheerfully. “And now, you can be grateful and thank me and give me lots of love and kisses because we are totally meant to be.” He said, closing his eyes and leaning down for a kiss. He heard her growl and before he could open his eyes, he felt the dainty woman’s fist collide harshly with his mouth. “Get away from me!” She yelled. He could hear her stomping away and when he opened his eyes, he saw her figure going out into a large forest. “Wait!” He yelled, frantically getting up to his feet. “The forest is full of doom and scary stuff that no mortal could every face without the help of a god!” He quickly walked after her. “But lucky for you, I happen to be an expert on this forest and I am also a god. So I would be glad to-” “I don’t need your help.” She said quickly, moving a branch out of her path and releasing it, causing it to snap back to place, right where the god’s face was.  The man sputtered and slapped the branch out of his face. “B-but the forest is filled with dangerous creatures and many stray paths. Without a proper guide, any mortal would just get lost forever. You don’t want that, do you?” He asked, watching her struggle over a large fallen long in the way. She grunted, pulling herself over the log. “If it means getting away from the maniac who killed me, I don’t care how lost I get. I just want to get back to my village.” She said before dropping down on the other side of the enormous log. “Yeah.” He swallowed before jumping up and over the long in a single bound. “You can’t go back to your village.” He said, bluntly. “And why not?” She asked harshly, continuing down the forest path. “Because, since so many people witnessed your death, it’ll be strange to go back. Some people might think you are cursed, some might think you are an undead creature and they might kill you again or burn you at the stake or mummify you or something. So...” The small woman looked at him, unamused. “You can’t go back to the village. We’re halfway across the entire world, actually. So It’ll basically impossible for you to go home anyway.” He offered his hand to her. “Come with me and I can show you a wonderful life in my home.” The girl scoffed at him. “I don’t want your help.” She continued down the path once more. The man sighed heavily, thinking about how to go about convincing her to come with him and decided a different approach. “My name is Chaos, by the way. But, everyone calls me Frank.” “Fascinating.” The woman said, plainly. “And your name is Megan.” He said, finishing the introduction, knowing that she wasn’t going to. “Its nice to meet you. Can I invite you out to eat or something?” He offered, still following close behind her. “No. You cannot. Leave me alone.” She growled at him before disappearing out of sight into a few bushes.  The god sighed. This was going to be tougher than he thought.

In a large mansion, a young girl was wandering the halls. This was her home and, in all honesty, she had never really left it except for a few times when she went with her parents to some important supernatural event. Occasionally, she’d be upset that her parents wouldn’t let her go out, but she understood why. Her parents were very well known and many people didn’t like them. They didn’t like the fact that supernatural beings were so important to society. People still hunted them down like their long time family friend had once done to them. Their family friend, a man named Bruce Weston, had been one of the most feared supernatural hunters, even after his wife gave him a son, who they named after Bruce. Eventually, Bruce got up in years, an unfortunate thing that comes to all humans, but before Bruce gave up and went to a retirement home, he taught his son, Junior, everything that he knew.  Being more youthful and spry, he ended up being just like his dad. Though, he didn’t have the reputation that his father did. That kind of thing comes with time and experience, which the young man had neither of. He had just barely turned 21 a few months prier while the young girl, Julianna, was barely 16. A small age gap between them, but the young girl’s fancy for the man was incredibly strong and she believed that one day, the two of them would truly live happily ever after.

However, it seemed like that was not meant to be. One day, when Junior came over to hang out with Julianna, he suggested that they run away. Just for the afternoon. They would be back in a few hours and no one would even know they were gone. Julianna immediately agreed, knowing that if anyone could keep her safe, it would be Junior. So the two of them made their way through the backyard, to a small area that Junior knew of that many of the guards never checked. It was a growing tree that had perfect leverage to lift oneself over the tall walls that surrounded the entire property. Junior went first and stood at the top of the wall, waiting for Julianna to get over. It was a little difficult in her spring dress and slip-on shoes, but she managed to get up with a little help from Junior and then the two of them were off.  Junior drove his father’s truck. A heavy duty truck that had a lot of junk in the trunk. Julianna rode in the front seat with Junior and she honestly thought that it was the best feeling ever, riding with the windows down snuggled right next to the one she loved.  They spent the rest of the day visiting different parts of the town that Junior thought she needed to see. By the time, they were done, it was almost 10 o’clock at night. Julianna began to get worried. She knew that her parents would notice her being gone for that long, considering they had left at 8 that morning. Junior agreed and they headed back to the property, only to find several police cars and a couple ambulances.  Junior parked out front of the gates and escorted Julianna to the house, where they were immediately greeted by the sight of most of the foyer damaged and a several guards being treated by paramedics. Julianna’s parents stood in the middle of the room with a few cops. It seemed like they were done with the questions because Julianna’s mom, Erin, came storming over to the duo.  “Where were you?!” She yelled at Junior. The man straightened up, understanding that he didn’t do a good thing. He explained to Erin that they had been out on the town all day, but nothing had happened. Erin was furious. Julianna’s father, Johnathon, came over and put his arm around his wife. Johnathon was a powerful vampire and Erin was an equally powerful witch. If she wanted to cast a spell on Junior, she could and it would make his life a living hell. Erin explained to Junior and Julianna what had happened. How there was a large team of supernatural beings that had stormed the place and started tearing everything apart and when her parents couldn’t find her, Erin and Johnathon feared the worst.  Immediately afterwards, Junior didn’t make eye contact with either of Julianna’s parents. “I’m sorry” is all he managed to say. Johnathon put his hand on Junior’s shoulder, making the younger man look up at him. “I am too.” He said simply, but with a heavy sorrow in his eyes. “I don’t want my daughter to get hurt and I know you don’t either, am I correct?” He asked, knowing the answer. Junior nodded. “It is not safe for her out there without the proper protection, am I correct?” Junior nodded, swallowing. “If this team were to attack again, but this time, attack you and Julianna, would you be able to fight all of them off and make sure she wasn’t harmed in the process?” Junior looked down, thinking about it shortly before swallowing. Many of the guards were supernatural beings themselves. Obviously, the team that attacked them were better and many of the guards were already better than Junior was. Hesitantly, he shook his head. Johnathon sighed lightly, squeezing the young man’s shoulder gently. “Then I do not want you near my daughter, until you can properly defend her.” Junior’s head snapped up to look at the vampire.  “What?” He asked in disbelief. Julianna echoed his reaction immediately after before she stepped between Junior and her father. “Father, it won’t happen again. It was just one time.” She pleaded with her father to take back his order, but before she could continue her begging, Junior put his hand on her shoulder. “Julianna.” He said quietly. The young girl turned around and looked up at him. “I’m sorry.” Her eyes started filling with tears. “I don’t want you to go.” She wrapped her arms around Junior’s neck. She felt Junior embrace her and hold her tight. “I know,” he said, almost painfully into her hair. “but it’s only for a little bit. Until I start acting better.” He let her go and grabbed her hand. “I promise I’ll come back.” He placed a small kiss on the back of her hand and smiled at her. She smiled back before he left the property. Erin and Johnathon were very upset to see Junior go, but not as upset at Julianna was. She claimed she would never be happy again until he came back for her. She threw a large fit before she was escorted by several guards back to her room.  Julianna’s words were true. For several years, she grew up bitter and grumpy at everyone around her, especially her parents who continued to keep her trapped in the mansion. Even as her body blossomed, her personality stayed the same. 

Until he returned.

So I have two little characters that I constantly think about. One is the child of a two really powerful supernatural beings (A vampire and witch) and the other is the child of a really experienced supernatural hunter. I say child because their genders constantly change to however I feel at the time.

So, the supernatural child’s name is Nikoliz, nicknamed Liz, or Julianna. They are always really powerful, but half of the time they have no idea how to deal with it. They get more powerful with how strong their emotions are, whether is hope, fear, or rage. Their control depends on their emotions as well. Their parents hired the hunter to keep them safe and while he was on bodyguard duty, the hunter’s wife had a child, named either Junior or Annabelle. The supernatural child and the hunter’s child end up being really good friends. The hunter’s child grew up to be well experienced in combat and the supernatural child ended up falling deeply in love with them. 

Another dream prompt. More about monsters and stuff the more you get into it. Don’t really have a whole plot to it, but the first part was interesting enough that I might do some sort of second part if I feel like holding onto this idea. We will see how into detail I get into this. 

There was a house that everyone knew of in the middle of the forest behind the high school, where we weren’t allowed to go. The high school staff would tell us that sometimes kids would go in there and get lost and would never be seen again. I called BS on that, but they actually had video evidence of people going into the woods and the staff had missing reports of every kid that went in there. After that, I didn’t really care to go into the forest, but the group of teenagers I hung out with at the time were very interested in seeing the house in the middle of the forest. As hesitant as I was, I wasn’t going to let them just go on their own. So, I guess I was going with them. There were 5 of us all together; 2 boy, both one grade above us and 3 girls, including me, all of us juniors. We all grew up together. We figured the boys would try to pull some prank on us, a simple one just to joke around. But whatever they had planned, we didn’t get to laugh about because we found it. A house in the middle of a large field. The entire property surrounded by trees. The house was kind of Victorian, at least that’s what we guessed. To me, it just looked Gothic. We all said that we wanted to go see the house, but one of the girl suggested just one person go up there to make sure its safe first. The two boys looked at each other with worried looks. I don’t blame them. It was the middle of the night, the moon was full in the sky, everything seems to be black and gray out here and the whole thing just screamed bad vibes... well, not literally because that would just be horrible.  The boys decided to do rock, paper, scissors to see who was going to be the first one to go up there. The girls were very focused on the match, mostly because the boys were being stupid and picking the same thing over and over again. I figured they would be too chicken to actually go to the house. I suggested loudly that we just head back home before we forget the way that we came in.  No one heard me, of course. They were all too focused on who would win the game. I groaned, knowing that whoever was going to go up there wasn’t going to actually spend anytime admiring the house up close. So I took out my phone, no service of course, and opened up the camera to take some pictures. I started walking closer to the house to get a better look and that when i heard someone say one of the boy’s names. He must have been the loser in rock, paper, scissors. Right after the guy was chosen, I heard a collective gasp. Glad to know they finally saw me walking up to the house now.  I had just gotten through the field when the realized and I was on some sort of gravel drive. I got my camera out again and took some more pictures. The house had two tall towers on either side of the house. The house was three stories... maybe four. It was a very pretty house. I thought the pictures were coming out great, but then I heard everyone yelling my name. I turned around to see what they were yelling about when I felt two large hands on my shoulders. I ducked under the hands and took a few steps away so I could turn around to see the individual. He was tall, dressed in a suit, bald with a big beard, and overall, quite terrifying. I started to run away from the man when I felt him grab me again and this time, he threw me over his shoulder. I looked at where everyone had been and just barely saw them running into the forest. At least, they were going to be safe. I didn’t really expect them to come and save me. They were all pretty wimpy when it came to fighting. I guess this is where I die. The man was taking me into the house when I remembered I still had my phone on me. I turned the camera around and took some pictures of me entering the house, going through the grand entrance and into a room with a long carpet that led to a couple of stairs and eventually led to a small couch. On either side of the room were pools the length of the room so deep that I couldn’t see the bottom. The man placed me on the ground a few feet from stairs. I put my phone in my back pocket and looked at him.  “Now what?” I asked him. “Are you going to torture and kill me now? Or was throwing me over your shoulder just your way of inviting me to tea?” Not the best time to be sarcastic, but I was pretty freaked out and I’d rather go out calm and collected-ish rather than panicking and screaming.  “I am neither going to torture and kill you nor am I going to give you tea.” A voice said from behind me. I looked up the stairs and found a man sitting on the couch. Well... rather, he was draped across the couch. “I want to know what you are doing on this property and what you want.” I swallowed. “In all honesty, I didn’t even want to be here. I was just following everyone else and I wanted to see the house up close because I thought it was pretty cool looking, very Goth-Victorian kind of cool. Its totally my aesthetic. Really love it.” The man looked at me. He had long dark hair and a very light skin color. He was dressed to match the house. A dark coat-jacket-thing that had many layers and a lot of accessories. He wore a white blouse-shirt with a lot of ruffles in the front and on his wrists, had very tight leather pant and was barefoot. He was very Gothic-Victorian.  “I don’t appreciate you trespassing onto my family’s property. I believe there is only one way to settle this.” He said before he stood up and began walking to me where I sat on the ground. Many thoughts were going through my head. What was the only way to settle this? Slavery? Sex? Sex Slave?... Okay well not many. Those were the only options that had been going through my head. I would have preferred none of them.  “The only way to settle this...” he began before he knelt in front of me and got incredibly close to my face. “is death.” He finished. My eyes widened and I couldn’t stop the loud “What?” that came out. “Death. You trespassed onto my property so you must die.” I looked at him with bewilderment. He couldn’t have been serious. I’ve heard of trespassers would be shot, but I didn’t see any warning of death to trespassers anywhere on the property.  “Brother, you aren’t thinking straight. Perhaps, I should take over this matter?” Another voice spoke from my side. The man in front of me looked over at the voice and I followed suit. To my astonishment, I found another man inside the pool.  “I don’t need you to take over this matter. I’ve already decided that she is going to die.” He spoke harshly as he stood up and walked over to the couch once again. He started rummaging around behind the couch, probably to find something to kill me with. “Pst.” I heard from my side once again. It was the man in the pool. He was waving for me to come over. He was smiling at me. “Come on.” I crawled over to the man. “Don’t worry. My brother has the sickness right now. He should be over it in a few days and then he will apologize for his behavior and let you go.” I blinked at the man. “What do I do until then?” I felt the man grab my hand and he slid a pearl bracelet on it. I looked at him again and he was still smiling at me. “Don’t worry and keep breathing.” He said before he pulled me into the pool. I gasped as I hit the water and felt the water enter my mouth and lungs, but... it wasn’t painful, like drowning. It was like I was breathing normally, just underwater. “Just keep breathing. Its alright. Its normal.” I looked at him and nearly squealed in surprise. The man wasn’t really a man at all... he was a merman?... I had so many questions. 

I had a dream a long, long, long time ago. It was more of an uncomfortable circumstance rather than a dream or a nightmare. It was a while ago so the contents of the dream are like... totally lost. But I did think of a short little story plot while trying to remember and keep the dream in my head. This was roughly how it went.

A young lady and her family had just moved to a new town. She had a younger sister that she was in charge of most of the afternoon, so a lot of their activities were ones that she and her younger sister could do. This made making friends a little difficult for the young lady. Most of the individuals in her age group wanted nothing to do with little girls.  One afternoon after school, the young lady, her “friends”, and her younger sister were walking around some houses, heading towards a park so that the young lady’s sister could play around while she could talk with her friends. However, the friends had other plans. They convinced the young lady to leave her sister at the park while they went and explored some of the older houses in the neighborhood. The young lady was hesitant about abandoning her sister, but she went along with her friends. There were a few houses a few streets across from the park that had tragic pasts. From a house burned down with a family of 6 inside to a condemned that once hosted an insane man who murdered his entire family. The young lady followed her friends into one of the many houses and explored with them. They told many ghost stories about the houses on the street, about the residents, and a curse that had fallen upon the entire street.  A witch had once lived on the street long, long ago and was burned inside her house. She left a curse on her house that anyone who entered it would be cursed to die a horrible death. Then, from within the house, an eerie cackle was heard. The young lady’s friends all immediately were frightened and attempted to escape, but found all of the doors and windows locked. They frantically ran around the house together, trying to find a way outside of the house.  The young lady spoke up and asked if the witch had some sort of power source, like a wand, a scepter, or a gem. One of the friend spoke up about the witch possibly having a medallion. Suddenly, the witch appeared in front of them and hanging from her neck was a glowing green medallion. The young lady tore the necklace off of the witch and shattered it beneath her foot.  The young lady and her friends ran to the front door and found it open. They all immediately ran off into the night, not even realizing that they left the young lady behind on the front porch of the witch’s house. Then, out of the door, the old witch walked and sat next to young lady. The young lady told the witch she did a good job and when she looked at the witch again she found, not the witch, but her little sister smiling and laughing.  Both of them laughed and walked back to their house to tell their parents about the little prank that they pulled. They promised not to tell the young lady’s friends that her sister was magic. They weren’t even going to tell them that it was a prank. They would continue being her friend without even realizing how mean she was actually being towards them.