xander

but i'm still mourning you , i know you aren't dead

maybe it's anger or resentment but theres sure love, love in my heart

you are difficult yet easy to love, yet i'm the fool for not knowing how to quit you

you are my recurring thought, my biggest pain

i am the biggest loser, the biggest failure to moving on.

you'll forget my face or maybe even my 'funny accent' and to be honest, i forgot yours

it's all radio silence aside for the blistering hate in my heart i hold

maybe someday, one day, i'll be able to let go of this loathing feeling.

everything will disappear someday

there will be a house, bustling and bright as the city clashes with your burnout

you will have a beautiful life, full of succession and joy. something i saw with you

there will be a house, quiet and dull as the waves crash on the countryside

it's painfully silent, there is nothing but natural beauty, there is no meaning but a view. something that will become of me

we won't say good morning anymore, we will forget the nicknames we enjoyed

we will see other couples and think of how we were

battle the bereavement of the relationship until it swallows everything i love and own, including myself

maybe it's love or a sense of hope, dragging me along sharp glass shattered tiles

you are beautiful and pure, an angel upon this earth.

you are my biggest light, my model and my earth.

i am a loser, nothing but bones.

but there will be a house, beautiful and silent.

no one is home, no one will ever be home

but even as time passes, the beauty remains and we will forget it is there until next time.

scared to love anyone but you

i know you've moved on, replaced the empty space i left

i would hike blisteringly cold summits just to hold you again

i would wander aimlessly through scorching deserts just to hear you again

i would forever walk bare-foot through rough gravely forests just to feel you again

i would set off to the arctic with no equipment just to experience you again

i would fight never-ending wars just to kiss you, just to love you and just to help you.

i cannot stop that feeling in my heart

but i won't call and i wont check on you.

because by now, i've forgotten what your face looks like and what your voice sounds like.

how it sounded when you were tired, how your laughter sounded and how every good moment pieced together.

underneath those thick walls youre sweet, yet that doesnt eliminate the hard seed of your anger.

i love the explosive sweetness, i spit out the core. for how much longer must i carve into you and pull you open just to see a person i have grown to hate.

for you were once something i loved, now something i feel sick of and tired, but maybe, in my core there is still some love left.

just not love for myself, for i am an orange. sweet and occasionally sour.

you will tear my layers off with haste, ripping them with brute hands. and even after that, my thin white veins are torn and discarded.

you pick me apart and deem some parts unworthy but even if you didn't i'd still taste the same.

when the blanket isnt keeping me warm anymore

nobody has me for me, but purely for the experience

i can be bitter, sour or if you're lucky, then sweet.

but even then, its diluted with whatever they choose.

but even then, its the aftermath they cannot handle

i'm loved like alcohol, nobody can keep me around for too long.

i'm always surrounded by other kinds just so they have a little choice incase they don't want me one day

i miss you,

i hope university is going smoothly, i wont call

i hope they suit you better than i did, i wont call

i hope you still think of me when you see that flower, i wont call

i wish you were here

i wish they were here instead of my blanket

i wish they were stroking my head instead of my own hand

i will choose to lose you so you can heal,