( .& midnight dreams )

You could always just autograph each one and then send them back to the address they came from. Then your fans get to gift you, you get to gift them and you don’t have any paper Santa’s on your hands. 

Ya’ know- I think yer’ just about da’ smartest damn person in this fuckin’ house. I’m gonna take ya’ up on t’at, Richards. Honest, I could kiss ya’- everyone else ‘s just been callin’ me fuckin’ ungrateful like, damn... let a man live in peace wit’out gettin’ bombarded once in a while.

That’s so sweet though! I want someone to give me a paper Santa.

Yeah, ‘s sweet the first couple a’ times-- then ya’ start t’ get a fuckin ‘toothache... it ain’t worth the hassle, fame. Honest.

Your life is so hard, blondie. Too much love from strangers? I can’t even begin to imagine. What would you send them?

Oi, I ain’t up fer’ yer’ sarcasm, Duke. Let a man complain fer’ once-- An’ I’ve got no fuckin’ clue. Maybe some signed shite? Try thinkin’ of a cheap enough gift t’ send back t’ thousands of twelve year old girls, would ya’? I’ll be gettin’ pissed off me’ tits an’ hijackin’ the telly.

Just send them shit like, why do you bother reading that shit anyways it’s not like you’re actually gonna’ reply to them all. Just tell your agent to stop the fanmail for a while, just burn that shit.

Ya’ know, I’m feelin’ yer’ advice. Some of them actually take the time t’ write these long-ass poems an’ shite, so it gets me feelin’ guilty when I just chuck ‘em. I’m sure I’d be feelin’ a whole lot better if I had yer’ ruthlessness t’ help me.

You’re hot… wait what, who said that?

Huh? What was t’at, mate? ‘Ve I got summit’ on me’ face?

On the plane I really was trying to come up with a good entrance and I did come up with one but I walked into the house and it was just gone. So, I’m going to try and ignore the awkwardness of walking into a house filled with strangers and just introduce myself. Hi, I’m Amara Grey and I’m not very good at introductions, if you didn’t already catch that.

No need fer’ long ass introductions, aye. ‘M Niall--  and don’t sweat it. ‘M sure t’at da’ house can be pretty dauntin’, so I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Where ya’ flown in from? Gotta’ be somewhere more exotic than Ireland, ‘m assumin’?

— I’ve literally just stepped into this house and have already managed to lose my cellphone, forget my laptop and almost fall down the stairs. I think I’m off to a great start, don’t you?

'M pretty damn sure ‘s a curse, t’ be frank. Somethin’ about the amount ‘f people in da’ house causin’ all yer’ fuckin’ stuff t’ go missin’. I’ll give ya’ shout if I see yer’ phone. 

— SO I DON’T know how to introduce myself without sounding like a complete bore therefore I’m not gonna give you a long preach about nothingness. I’m Brad Worthington and that’s about the only thing you need to know.

Realistically, ‘m kinda’ glad ya’ took t’at route, mate. Nice t’ meet ya’, ‘m Niall. Most people here decide t’ go on a rampage ‘bout their favourite colour ‘n the likes- it takes it’s toll on me’ mood, ‘m tellin’ ya’.

Wow. Well you’re just shit out of luck, aren’t you. It’s not like I purposely meant to set your bike on fire. Besides, I’ve never even see you fucking ride that thing. Not saying you’re a bad rider, because I can fucking hear you every night through the wall. Now please, get the fuck away from me, I’m not in the mood and I bloody know a welcome back committee isn’t exactly thrilled to have me back.

Purposely or not, ya’ destroyed me’ damn property man. I bought that thing ‘cause ‘m fuckin’ petrified of tryin’ t’ drive a car round the bloody city, who wouldn’t be? ‘S like a fuckin’ mousetrap- everyone here’s fuckin’ mental. Anyway, I’d be more understandin’ if ya’ actually cared t’ apologise, or are ya’ too much a big man t’ do that? 

Come on, don’t act like that, you know you want to have a Disney movie marathon. I can tell that you’re internally thrilled, so stop pouting, because Tangled is first.

Listen, I may seem like the perfect man t’ endulge ya’ in yer’ childhood memories and whatnot, but ‘m really not a fan of that Disney crap. Can ya’ not find someone else t’ watch this shite wit’ ya’, or am I still bein’ dragged into this?

– No, no.  I don’t need a lecture on how pruny my skin is going to be if I sit in here for another hour, you’ll have to have an ace reason to pry my hands away from my Ladurée and my body from this bubble bath. And if you’re here just to complain about how long I’ve, I’m certain that this isn’t the only bath-tub in this house, book a hotel, find some Parisian local and con them into letting you use their fancy-ass bathtub. If you’re offer isn’t ranging from a scandalous night out to a better night in than what I’m doing right now – bye.

Ey, Cart- whadda’ ya’ take me for? Some kinda’ fool? Lecture shmecture, ‘m only here t’ steal back me’ damn macaroons. Also, yer’ already gettin’ pretty damn pruny, not sure ya’d have t’ wait much longer fer’ the full effect. Listen, if ya’ budge up I’ll hop in an’ we can have a nice ol’ chat about all yer’ Parisian woes- an’ I can have me’ macs back.

[text]: course i’d expect nothin less ! 

[text]: vicious circle ? ve not a clue wtf yer on about yer gonna have t be more specific mate

[text]: oi dont gimme that bullshit ! i didnt come back t be made t sit and watch the show t find shit out. ill smack the truth outta ya man i swear

[text]: id like t say im surprised but im not so good on ya mate ! who ya lured into yer pants now ?

— I WISH I could say so, but I don’t know you, personally that is. Eh but welcome back anyway.

‘S alright. ‘M quite loud, so ya’ll be knowin’ me soon enough, doll. ‘M Niall, by the way. Nice t’ make yer’ acquaintance.