fugless in seattle.

i desire your cinnamon crab most carnally.

pestilence is my favorite plague becausei tm akes me feel good inside

man FUCK vulnerability. i should have never let on that i have feelings for the big stone . now i have to push it up the hill for eternity in AWKWARD SILENCE. fuck my stupid life

they should invent a chair that hurts your balls real bad

my unkle got his dinkum stuch in the wii consoul!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! call cusotmer supporte!!! oh wait you CANT because its not fuchung 2009 mein lieben!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was nominated for Pest of the Year at the Locust Awards

where were you during the great seattle cock fire of 1973

bumped into a shordy with an Ao3 tattoo and a harry pooter crop top at the harry styles cover event at the local edison bulb coffeehouse and we made love while she played her golden retriever boyfriend inspo playlist and afterwards we winded down with skinny pop and limited edition peach redbull and she even gave me an edible shaped like bart simpson but she took the lisa one and had a panic attack and admitted she voted for hillary last election cycle and then proposed to me out of fear. i didn't know what to say so i took her phone and made her pay for my uber ride out of there and the guy's car was full of beer cans and smelled like something burning and he stopped 6 times to get out of the car and throw up. but all in all it was another successful night for a guy like me. *hangs my fedora up on its hook and walks past the body on the meat hook