We need to talk about how the standard "it gets better" message assumes a level of physical and executive function that isn't universal. Itβs a narrative built for the able-bodied and neurotypical, and it leaves the most vulnerable behind.
The narrative assumes everyone can simply "move out" or "gain financial independence" the moment they hit adulthood. It ignores those of us who, due to disabilities, cannot live alone. For many of us, dependence on our caregivers is a lifelong reality. If your caregivers are the ones you rely on for housing and basic survival, you can't just "cut ties" to escape queerphobia or controlling behavior.
The advice to "just start transitioning" assumes you can manage your own medical appointments and/or have an IRL support network that isn't the phobic caregivers you live with. Once again, this isn't universal.
We need to support queer people who will always need help, and whose "freedom" looks different than a U-Haul and a clean break.
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The idea that "Any adult who would talk to a minor/child must have sexual intentions" is such a self-report why do people respond to this stuff without pointing that out
I'm sorry you can *only* imagine talking to a child for sexual purposes? That's an INSANE thing to admit (OP, not the person I'm reblogging) and we should watch you much more closely as a result. What the fuck
i do think we should normalise being like. platonically enamoured with someone. perhaps i love and admire you dearly and there's nothing romantic about it
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Well there is actually, theyβre friends. Theyβre friends and they love each other and it doesnβt mean any less than if they were dating and they loved each other. Theyβre friends and that means devotion and affection and loyalty and love, and there is no point in which that love reaches a level that immediately indicates that their relationship must be romantic.
Sometimes youβre just not gonna get the closure you want with someone even if theyβre still alive and you gotta learn to live with how that makes you feel.
I've never been able to understand the whole "I'm ace and don't like having sex but I have sex with my partner to make them happy" thing. I'm not sure how common of a sentiment this actually is but I've heard it a fair amount and it and the way people react to it is just confusing to me.
If an allosexual person said the exact same thing people would be like "no you don't need to do that! You shouldn't be having sex if you don't want to!" but since an ace person is saying it people are cool with it because it makes their partner happy.
Perhaps it's because I'm sex repulsed but I really just don't get it. Why would you have sex if you don't want to? Isn't that bad? Why is it suddenly normal if it's an asexual person doing it? If your partner can't live without sex then maybe they're not the right person for you if you don't want to have sex ever or regularly at least. Idk I'm just confused,,,,
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huge fan of when characters love each other and are closely bonded in an explicitly nonromantic way. however βοΈ i am very much not a huge fan of what happens when characters like this are introduced to fandom
Why I hate the phrase "just friends," (plus some alternatives to use).
I have always hated the phrase "just friends."
"We're just friends" is shorthand for "we aren't romantically involved, our relationship is entirely platonic" in a way that is absolutely riddled with amatonormativity. The idea that romance is more or additional to friendship, that a romantic or rose relationship is somehow bigger or better or more than "just friendship" is completely baked into that phrasing. Every time I hear someone say it, I want to cry.
Nothing makes me feel more alienated from others than hearing that the love I have is considered lesser. Nothing makes me feel more hated and worthless than the idea that no one will ever appreciate the familial and/or platonic love I absolutely pour out for them the same way they appreciate a romantic partner's.
My love is not less just because it is non-rose. My friend who wanted to date me didn't want something more, he wanted something different.
The love I feel for my friends and family is deep and meaningful and real and beautiful. My best friend has my entire heart, and he always will. I love him so much it hurts. I want to spend every single day hanging out with him, and that love being platonic does not make it inherently inferior to romantic love.
I am so tired of the love I can and do offer being seen as weak or lesser, even by my own family, and it all comes down to the idea that being completely platonic is a "just" or an "only", that dating is something "more".
So, here are some alternatives that don't make me feel horrible:
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shout out to androgynous nonbinary people! shout out to nonbinary people for whom androgyny is a desired gendered expression, a transition goal, a gender identity, or important part of themselves in other way!
shout out to androgynous intersex people! shout out to intersex people for whom androgyny is a desired gendered expression, a transition goal, a gender identity, or important part of themselves in other way!
shout out to androgynous women! shout out to women for whom androgyny is a desired gendered expression, a transition goal, a gender identity, or important part of themselves in other way!
shout out to androgynous men! shout out to men for whom androgyny is a desired gendered expression, a transition goal, a gender identity, or important part of themselves in other way!
I've said this before, and I'll say it again, but this isn't the harmless quippy slogan you think it is.
I get it. It sucks to be surrounded by something you don't experience that everyone else puts a lot of importance on. You have a right to your feelings and your culture. But you do not have a right to belittle others.
The "Love Loses" slogan has a lot of things wrong with it, and I'm going to explain below.
It's Historically Dismissive and Disrespectful
Point blank, our predecessors fought and died for our right to queer love. People were murdered for being in love. They were murdered for flirting. They were murdered for existing and appearing queer. The AIDs crisis nearly wiped out an entire generation of queer people because we were the primary ones dying, and nobody cared. "Good riddance to the disgusting queers" was the sentiment. So nobody bothered to look for a cure. They said "might as well let them die, they deserve it", and we did. We died of a disease nobody had heard of before and nobody knew anything about, alone, in pain, scared, hoping our friends survived long enough to throw us a funeral because our biological families surely wouldn't.
Stonewall was a riot where we fought against the police trying to arrest us for existing. With the way police brutality is today, do you really think anyone would have cared if the cops murdered a few of us in the process? Beat us bloody and left us for dead in the street?
Love Wins was pivitol because queer love prevailed over decades β centuries, even β of violent bigotry. "Love Loses" sounds like you're spitting in the face of the memory of everyone who died for our right to love and marry without being murdered and forgotten, and siding instead with the bigots.
It's Homophobic
I don't care who you are, telling a queer person that their love shouldn't exist is homophobic. As previously stated, people fought and died for our right to love without being arrested or murdered.
Like it or not, romance matters to a lot of people. It doesn't have to matter to you, but if you want to be respected for not experiencing or wanting romance, you have to show the same respect to people who do experience and want romance. You're not better than anyone just because you dont want or experience romantic attraction.
Saying "love loses" when it's an important thing to many of us honestly just sounds like you're saying "I think you're stupid for wanting this and I hope you never get this thing that you personally feel strongly about having as part of a fulfilling life experience". It's rude, and given our history, it's homophobic. Just stop.
It's Ableist
Disabled people in love ARE losing. In the US, disabled people have virtually no marriage protections. If a disabled person gets married, they are very likely to lose their disability income. In many cases, a disabled person can't even live unmarried with a romantic partner without losing their disability income. They also can't work (if able), for risk of losing their income, yet disability does not pay enough to even cover half of basic monthly expenses.
Disability income is systematically designed to keep disabled people oppressed, and is built off the idea that they are a burden who nobody could love romantically. They are a curse their families are stuck taking care of, and the disability income is meant to help "ease" the "burden" of caring for them β disgusting.
Saying "love loses" as if it's a good thing completely dismisses and spits in the face of every disabled person who wants to get married or live with their romantic partner and can't, because it would mean losing vital income support.
It's Othering to Partnering Aspecs and Alloromantic/romance favorable people
I don't know how to break it to you, but you are not the only experience in our community. There are romance favorable aros. There are alloromantic aces. There are shades of grey in both aces and aros who are not strictly 0% attraction. We are all still part of the aspec community, and we are just as valid a part of it as anyone who is strictly zero attraction ever.
Saying "love loses" and acting like it's a universal aspec experience tells the rest of us that we don't count. We aren't welcome. You don't respect us or our experiences, and you don't see us as part of the aspec community (or if you do, it's because you're forced to tolerate us β yes, I see you when you say shit like that).
Aspec experiences are diverse, and icing out those of us who don't fit YOUR experience or narrative is aphobic and cruel.
