All The Things I Wish I Could Say To You.

About leaving it all behind

I’d pack a bag, book a flight

I’d be gone tonight

I’d throw out my phone

And just be alone

No one could reach me from back home

I’d get a small place, I’d die my hair

Hide my feelings

Lie lie lie.

I tell no one I’m so sad inside,

They want me to fix theirs but who fixes mine?

I give and I give

It’s somehow not enough

The took the water from my cup then got mad it wasn’t filled up.

When I was 11 I remember thinking “How can I fix me when I’m constantly fixing you?”

All the screaming and the fighting what’s a little girl to do?

So I pushed it all inside and I guess it never came out.

So now I’m 22 with a head full of self doubt.

Luckily I’m a shape shifter so I’ll never show my pain,

I can be any shape you want I can shift any way,

I’ll bend and snap and break in two

If you want me too

“ good girls don’t complain” that’s what you used to say.

And I haven’t run into you once

What are the chances?

The universe is cruel

And harsh

Almost as if she’s screaming

“You were never star crossed lovers

And your paths will never cross again

You just couldn’t accept

He was only meant to be a lesson

and not your friend

Or your lover

Or forever”

And I wonder

Have I learnt it yet?

Like my presence annoys others, like I don’t quite fit into place

I’m either too loud or to soft

I don’t talk enough or I talk to much

No matter what I do I can’t seem to please you

It gets so exhausting trying to be

Something for everybody, I just want to be me

But I’m stretched too thin and I work to much

And I really want to believe it this time

Because it feels so real

You took my broken heart and made it heal

But many have promised forever

And none have ever stayed

So forgive me if I’m still scared

Of you walking away

I’m already falling way too fast

Don’t smile at me like that