on writing

i love you all and i need you to stop writing trauma as a single breakdown scene in the rain after which the character is Healed and Ready to Love Again. that is NOT trauma :(

⊹ Trauma doesn't announce itself. it shows up as your character suddenly not being able to eat a specific food, or going very quiet in a loud room, or laughing at the wrong moment because their nervous system decided that was the appropriate response. it's mundane and weird and it makes no sense from the outside. the dramatic flashback sequence is the least realistic part. the most realistic part is your character suddenly needing to leave a grocery store for a reason they can't articulate.

⊹ The body keeps score and it keeps it in the strangest places. a particular smell. the quality of light at a certain time of day. a tone of voice that sounds like someone who hurt them. your traumatised character doesn't think "this reminds me of the bad thing." their heart rate spikes and they don't know why. they feel wrong and they can't locate the feeling. they're irritable for three days and only later, if ever, do they make the connection. write the disconnection. it's more honest.

⊹ trauma also does not make people universally sympathetic and wise. it makes some people controlling. some people funny at inappropriate times. some people very good in a crisis and completely unable to handle a normal day. some people are generously kind to strangers and absolutely terrible to people they love. trauma shapes behaviour in contradictory, inconvenient ways that don't resolve into a lesson. your traumatised character can be difficult to like. that's not a flaw in the writing. that's the WRITING.

episodes of paranoia, delusions, and dissociation

cyclical thoughts/spirals

magical thinking

episodes that can be very similar to psychosis or mania

attributing human emotions to inanimate objects

dermatillomania and trichotillomania

false sensations (like bugs crawling on skin)

paying way too much attention to very small things

physical health issues caused by compulsions

symptoms that are "problematic" (doing things that are considered "wasteful", needing reassurance or validation from others...)

extreme, deep, dreadful fear of things that can't truly be explained

disconnect between emotional and cognitive/logical responses or thoughts

contamination fears

problems with addiction and dopamine regulation

other people trying to force exposure therapy onto you without your consent and it making your anxiety way worse

⟡ Staring out a window for twenty minutes before a single word

⟡ Rereading the same paragraph six times before moving forward

⟡ Lying on the floor thinking about a scene that isn't written yet

⟡ Taking a walk with no phone just to let something untangle

⟡ Reading a book that has nothing to do with your current project

⟡ Sitting in a café doing nothing but absorbing the atmosphere

⟡ Daydreaming about characters like they're real people you know

⟡ Rewriting the first chapter for the fourth time instead of continuing

⟡ Listening to your playlist on repeat until the mood arrives

⟡ Journaling about why you can't write instead of writing

⟡ Reorganizing your notes, your files, your whole system

⟡ Reading your own old work looking for who you used to be

⟡ Researching something minor for three hours because accuracy matters to you

⟡ Sleeping on a problem and waking up with the answer

⟡ Having a full conversation in your head between two characters

⟡ Watching people in public and cataloguing everything

⟡ Cooking or cleaning while your brain quietly solves the plot problem

⟡ Writing the same scene in three different tones just to feel it out

⟡ Abandoning the document and writing by hand for a while

⟡ Reading poetry when prose feels impossible

⟡ Watching a film just to study how a scene transition works

⟡ Making a new playlist because the old one stopped working

⟡ Sitting with discomfort until the scene becomes clear

⟡ Rereading your favorite book and taking it apart sentence by sentence

⟡ Writing a scene you know won't make the final draft just to understand the character

⟡ Doing nothing and trusting that it's filling something up

Japanese-Inspired Names!!

𐙚⋆.˚ Always sitting with their back to the wall 

𐙚⋆.˚ Checking the lock twice. Then once more. 

𐙚⋆.˚ The comfort food that only comes out during specific moods 

𐙚⋆.˚ Knowing exactly how many steps it takes to get somewhere 

𐙚⋆.˚ Keeping one thing from every place they've ever lived 

𐙚⋆.˚ Never throwing away cards or letters but never rereading them either 

𐙚⋆.˚ The specific way they make coffee/tea that will tolerate no variation 

𐙚⋆.˚ Humming without realizing it when they're focused 

𐙚⋆.˚ Sleeping on one side of the bed even when alone 

𐙚⋆.˚ Holding their breath in elevators 

𐙚⋆.˚ The book they've never finished but also never gotten rid of 

𐙚⋆.˚ Keeping their phone face-down in certain company 

𐙚⋆.˚ The route they take when they want to think vs. when they don't 

𐙚⋆.˚ Apologizing to inanimate objects when they bump into them 

𐙚⋆.˚ The word they can't spell no matter how many times they look it up 

𐙚⋆.˚ Always being five minutes early or perpetually, chaotically late. No in between. 

𐙚⋆.˚ The thing they do with their hands when they're listening 

☆ A villain who thinks they're the hero is scarier than one who knows they're evil.

☆ Give them something they love. It makes everything worse.

☆ Their logic should make sense, even if their actions don't.

☆ The best villains don't monologue. They ask questions.

☆ Not every villain needs a tragic backstory. Some people are just hungry for power.

☆ Let them win sometimes. Repeatedly, it raises the stakes.

☆ A villain who is polite is more unsettling than one who screams.

☆ They should change the hero just as much as the hero changes them.

☆ Give them a genuine friendship or loyalty somewhere. It humanizes without excusing.

☆ The scariest thing a villain can do is be right about something.

☆ Not every villain needs to die. Some walk away. Some become allies. Some just... disappear.

Sometimes you've got to hold your own hand.

For all the ugly things they had done, their entwined hands looked beautiful together.

The letter in their hand felt like it weighed a ton.

"My hand in your hand, it's all I need."

She looked down at her clean hands and wondered if the blood she felt would ever go away.

"Wanna hold hands with me?"

It's nice to be safe, but why does your guardian angel have to hold your hand all the time to keep you safe.

The sword lay heavy in his hand, but it was all the responsibility on his shoulders that really weighed him down.

"Would you be so kind to keep your cold hands to yourself?"

The coffee in her hand felt like a lifeline this morning.

"I wanted to take your hand. I wanted to take it so badly."

They only realised they were holding hands the entire time, the moment they had to let go.

In her hand everything seems to become a weapon. 

"Relax, it was one time. You don't have to ask for my hand in marriage - yet."

They weren't ready to let go yet. Not of the other's hand, but also not of the false sense of safety the other provided.

𐙚⋆.˚ The smell that hits before anything is seen 

𐙚⋆.˚ How a room feels different at 3am vs. 3pm 

𐙚⋆.˚ The sound that's only noticeable when everything else goes quiet 

𐙚⋆.˚ Light quality, yellow and warm vs. cold and fluorescent 

𐙚⋆.˚ The thing that's slightly wrong about an otherwise normal space 

𐙚⋆.˚ Temperature as mood (the specific chill of a hospital, the thick heat of a fight) 

𐙚⋆.˚ What a space says about the person who lives in it 

𐙚⋆.˚ The background noise that tells you exactly where you are 

𐙚⋆.˚ Weather that mirrors without being too obvious about it 

𐙚⋆.˚ The one detail a character notices that reveals what they're looking for 

𐙚⋆.˚ How familiar places look different after something changes 

𐙚⋆.˚ The texture of things: rough, worn, too-new, cold metal 

𐙚⋆.˚ Empty spaces that feel occupied. Occupied spaces that feel hollow. 

𐙚⋆.˚ The way sound travels differently in grief vs. joy 

𐙚⋆.˚ Objects that carry history without explaining it 

𐙚⋆.˚ The specific ugly of a beautiful place when you're in the wrong mood 

𐙚⋆.˚ Noticing the exit first (what that says about a character) 

𐙚⋆.˚ The before-storm stillness applied to non-weather moments 

𐙚⋆.˚ How a space shrinks when tension fills it