your mom is a baked potato your dad's dumb ass is asparagus and you are a god damn green bean

my dead wife. the ad free internet

If tumblr goes down Just close your eyes and find me

going on a guilt trip do yall want anything

if you really cared about me you wouldn't have to ask

*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god

cats know keyboard shortcuts even microsoft doesnt know about

I think if I heard I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas in the correct circumstances it could move me to tears. It's like the promise of a brighter future that never came to pass

as funny as “those are his hooves you bitch” I’m mad that it overshadows that lil wayne really did have socks on in a jacuzzi 

can y'all stop just throwing random words together and expecting us to understand it

you had to be there