the space to let it all out....

Temptation has always lingered round the corners of my life.

The devil has lead me to do things and make mistakes that I’m not longer proud of .

The angel on my shoulders has always brought me back down to earth .

For a very long time I convinced myself that all of my flaws were there because I was a bad person.

I questioned that over and over again until I couldn’t take the guilt any longer . I stayed with people that never served me , tried desperately to change them , morph them into the person they used to be. All whilst I was suffering inside , In silence.

Suffocating in deep silence.

I let people walk all over me , try convince me that the world would be better off without me ,as if I committed murder. The worse thing a human could do .

The reality of it was , I was drowning myself to try and help other people swim . My happiness became so distant I didn’t believe it existed . To stay with someone for so long felt awful , but leaving felt like the best thing I could’ve done.

The cycle of floating and sinking in the sea of emotions . The exhaustion of trying to find your way back to shore when everything was going seemingly so well

the depression washes you up and sweeps out of nowhere like a shark swimming into shallow waters

The heartbreak, the worries that just appear as if there is a missing person waiting to be found

This is the idea of living hell, the constant cycle of getting better and then being slapped in the face with depression, despair and doubt

the things that once didn't bother me, they do now

and the things I'm normally okay with, well that's a distant memory

Stop putting pressure on yourself to be perfect

give some time for yourself, fill your cup up first before others

and don't ever apologize for not being able to be around people if your social battery is drained

if you're tired, get some rest and reset your body this is what it needs to shine

Sometimes a masterpiece can be made in a day or in a few years

you're this masterpiece and there is no pressure to be perfect despite the world making you feel like that isn't the case

give yourself time.

give yourself some personal space.

give yourself some appreciation,

sometimes it's easier to silence myself than to keep voicing opinions that can change in a matter of minutes or days.

I don't trust myself to do the right thing anymore and that hurts me more than anyone could ever do.

The isolation BPD causes is soul-destroying, the internet, the stigma and being on a constant roller coaster leaves me treading on eggshells with myself.

life is scary and it throws rocks and logs at you as your hurrying through the woods to find safety

life is like a movie yet sometimes the good bits are forgotten or the sad bits have disappeared

you are stronger than you'll ever know and the people around you can see that and they see you thriving when you've started putting yourself first

The struggle will be worth it, the painful nights of crying yourself to sleep and the moments you grasp because they seem so far away will become more than just moments.

your life will become YOURS and you'll realize how unstoppable you are no matter whats going on around you

When life pushes you to the edge ,there is always a reason

another reason to start again,another reason to be greatful for the things you started to miss.

When life is testing you and frustrating you

When your ready to give up, just remember

you have been given another shot,another lifeline

one day the day will start and he won’t be on your mind.

He’ll be a distant lovely memory that’ll bring back the good moments in your relationship rather then the bad ones.

One day you’ll remember when you used to stalk his social media and ponder on weather or not he thought about you.

One day you’ll realize you’ve stopped creating fake conversations in your head that could've happened.

One day you’ll stop obsessing over what  could’ve been and focus on what it is.

One day you may see him in the street and fall completely in love with him again.

The art of trying to forget often brings you back to square one again.

The art of trying to forget often leaves you with the memory’s flashing through your mind over and over again.

you feel lost? I promise that forgetting isn’t easy but it will get better 

often memories are there for a reason but remember they have shaped you,molded you into who you are.

No, no it shouldn't be.

being alone is beautiful and often a blessing in disguise.

Being alone requires no thoughts other then your own,requires no pleasing, other then your own and requires no effort once you start to master it.

Being alone is beautiful it’s the ultimate self love journey and the end goal is to look back in 50 years and think “ fuck ,didn’t I do well for myself:)

Life isn’t permanent,there is no time stamp on it  but known as  a huge prized possession and should be handled with care. pretend its a plant.

This plant needs to be nourished and pampered in order to grow ,it needs sunlight and air to breath, it needs soil to survive.sleep is your soil. This plant could be a cactus or a beautiful flower each are just as interesting and beautiful so there is no need to compare yourself to the other plants.