FictionWrite

[Part of a much longer story based on this post; this first part is also a comic!)

Once upon a time (this is a game Brian plays with himself, on the bus, in the coffeehouse, at three in the morning when the sky is the indescribable color you only see in an overcast sky above a city. A game, except the fun went out of it long ago, and now it’s something crueler. Self-flagellation, maybe). Once up on a time there was a boy and a girl who tumbled into a fantasy world together. Once upon a time there was a boy who betrayed the world and a girl who saved it, and they were both sent home again. Once upon a time –

It’s been ten years.

Brian’s twenty-three now, for the second time, and Erin has just given up.

Once upon a time there was boy and a girl, and they were angry.

Erin was already there when Brian walked into the pub, slouched over the wood counter with her shoulder blades up like a shield. Before he could even say anything, she shoved a tumbler across the countertop. “I got you whiskey.”

Brian took a seat, and then the glass. Erin didn’t turn her head an inch. “I hate whiskey.”

“You tried to stab me through the heart,” she said. “Drink the fucking whiskey.”

“penguins will push other penguins into the water to test for predators.”

 I tried

Mornings were always Lily’s least favourite part of the day, and despite having buffet of home cooked breakfasts and magically delivered mail every morning, Hogwarts did not do much to change that.

Taking a sip of her tea and blinking blearily, Lily internally cursed the chattering of the students far more energetic and enthusiastic than she. Really, she was glad that there was still laughter in the halls in the wake of You-Know-Who’s rise in power, but her exhausted state of mind simply felt disgruntled at the noise. She wished she could be back in bed.

An arm slid around her shoulders, jostling her half empty cup slightly, and she grumbled, the smell of leather and coffee telling her it wasn’t her boyfriend but rather her boyfriend’s boyfriend (as she usually called him–mostly jokingly) that greeted her.

“Morning, love. You look particularly charming this morning.”

Lily sipped her tea without an answer and silently flicked her wand. The arm on her shoulders fell away as, with a yelp, the owner of the arm in question slid three feet down the bench. “I have barely slept in the last two days, Sirius, and I need at least twenty more minutes before I speak to anyone civilly.” She took another pointed sip of her tea.

Remus and Peter sat down as Sirius harumphed, tossing his head of silky black hair with an elegance that only members of his family seemed to have mastered. “And here I was, trying to be friendly.” He shook his head as a blonde girl sat at the table across from him. “A word of caution, McKinnon, it seems that the lady has woken on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

Marlene cast a glance at Lily and scoffed. “She would’ve had to be in her bed last night to wake up on the wrong side of it.”

If Lily could have mustered up the energy to curse Marlene at that moment, she would have. As it were, she only managed a scowl in her general direction, while Sirius’ entire face lit up in utter delight. ‘What?’

“You didn’t have to say it like that, now he’s going to–”

Sirius disregarded her and leaned forward, smirking. “Evans, you sly vixen, you!”

“I was in the library working on the potions essay, you pile of hippogriff droppings.” Lily cut him off with a scowl. Remus smothered a laugh and Marlene snorted into her cup of pumpkin juice.

“Says, you,” Sirius shot back. “You’ve been spending an awful lot of time with our darling Head Boy and Quidditch captain though, so–”

“But, Sirius,” Peter spoke up through a mouthful of sausage. “James was in the dormitory all night, and we didn’t see Lily there. She couldn’t have been with him.”

“He’s got you there, Padfoot,” said a warm, laughing voice and Lily felt a wave of something like relief wash over her. A hand settled on her shoulder, and squeezed. 

Lily vaguely heard Sirius say “Peter, we’ve talked about this, play along when we’re taking the mickey out of her,” but Lily stopped paying attention as her boyfriend settled down next to her, not so slyly separating her and Sirius. Hazel eyes shone through wire rims and Lily couldn’t help but reach up and stroke a few strands of messy black hair away from them. “Morning, Evans.” James said gently.

“Someone was running late this morning,” Lily noted, setting her tea down. She ignored Sirius making a gagging sound in the background.

“Ran into Kinnard outside the hall,” he said, referring to the fourth year Gryffindor seeker. “Had to answer a few questions he had about the play for the Hufflepuff game.”

“Run those by me again later,” Lily yawned as James began to soothingly rub his hand down her back and neck. “I’ve kept notes on Hufflepuff’s offensive strategy in the last two matches.”

“Ah, my two favourite things– Lily Evans and Quidditch,” James sighed dramatically. Lily rolled her eyes. He always said that Lily was a Quidditch natural. He’d been trying to get her to try out for the team, but she had refused, claiming unathleticism. In reality, it wasn’t so much that she thought she was a bad flyer, but that she preferred watching it, especially being a muggle born and being raised on non-magical sports. She actually felt that if they had children, they would be gifted at the game.

Hm. Children. With James. There was an idea.

Lily tuned out the conversation between the others as she enjoyed James’ hand kneading out the tension in her shoulders. What would they look like, she wondered. She had a feeling that James’ genes would beat her genes up and take their lunch money. She rather hoped they would get her eyes though. Not that James’ weren’t lovely. She would be happy waking up to their sparkling hazel every morning. Oh, hopefully they would be slightly more levelheaded than their father. She would scold them severely if they had even half of his ego.

She and James would have very attracted children, she concluded. She’d have to make sure they didn’t allow that to go to their heads.

At that moment, one of the fifth year beaters called out from the end of the Gryffindor table. “Oi, Potter!”

Without thinking, Lily’s eyes snapped open. “Yes?” She and James responded at the same time. Everyone around them fell silent.

Oh Merlin.

Lily practically felt her face inflame to the same dark red colour as her hair as the others looked at her. Marlene had an expression on her face like Dumbledore had just canceled final exams. Remus was openly grinning now, Peter was gaping with his mouth hanging open, toast half chewed. Sirius was eerily blank faced.

And James just stared at her, eyes as wide as quaffles. Lily wanted to sink through the floor and never come back. She wondered if Hagrid would bury her in his vegetable patch.

“Well,” Remus broke the silence, standing up and walking towards the exit, grabbing Sirius by the collar and yanking him up as he went along. “I’ll get this one out for you before he–" Sirius suddenly roared with laughter, gripping Remus’ shoulder as he held on for support. Remus hurried him out, his own shoulders shaking with suppressed mirth. Marlene cast the couple her own ecstatic beam as she, too, got up, pulling Peter behind her and ignoring his protests at his unfinished breakfast. James was still staring at her wordlessly. Lily began internally reciting her will.

“Erm,” She began, wishing the colour in her face would recede at least slightly so she could at least attempt to play it off. “I–” But she didn’t finish her sentence, because James was suddenly dragging her out of the hall.

A short, random piece in honour of the woman who tried to set me up with her son today. He was cute, though, so…

Summary: Euphemia Potter thinks her doctor needs to go on a date with her son. Muggle AU, Lily is a doctor AU, Mum sets them up AU (are these things?)

The title of this story, by the way, has absolutely nothing to do with the content – I saw this phrase somewhere, @professor-riddikulus​ hated it so much that I threatened to write a story and title it “Erotic Porridge.” Because I have no fucks to give, here we are.

Also here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12397433/1/Erotic-Porridge

Lily Evans loved, bloody loved, being a doctor. Sure, the hours were shit, the patients could be right fucking annoying, the NHS never had enough fucking money, but at the end of the day, she loved taking care of her patients.

That feeling, though, is sometimes (usually) steamrolled by the stress that hits her the moment she walks into the door of her surgery at 630, a hour and a half before it opens, because she still has paperwork to finish from the night before, emails and phone calls to reply to, a schedule to check, and doublecheck, and follow-up calls to make for patients that she can’t book in to see her in person.

She logged into the computer behind the desk at reception, knowing full well that Frank would kick her fucking arse if he came in and saw her at his computer again, to check who she was seeing today. Ugh fuck Mr Johnson tomorrow?! Okay, no Lily, stick to today. We’ll worry about tomorrow tomorrow…

She’s booked solid, as always, and fuck, Frank leaves early today, but she saw a name towards the bottom of her schedule that made her break into a huge, relieved smile. Euphemia Potter - 1600

Requested on tumblr: James and Lily are so dating and it’s disgusting to everyone around them maybe just maybe James and Lily fight and in the middle of the GREAT HALL James says something “Lily Potter you come back here!” And then everyone is like ? And also !

Levins18 requested this and it turned into a 32 page story so that I could properly fit in everything that was asked for so specifically. Also I brought back my character Anna from The Quidditch Commentator because I missed her.

“You’re going to have to do something about that Prongs.”