girl help im thinking

A Conpletely Original Poem

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I toiled, weak and weary,

On some flimsy fabrics I had purchased from the crafting store;

No one home, resigned a hermit, making hats for me and Kermit

Making pilgrim hats from craft supplies I got from Crafting Store;

hats for us, and no one more

Suddenly, there came a rapping, as if someone had been tapping

Someone faintly knocking, faintly tapping on my freezer door

First I thought, "My God, the turkey?" til I realized, and smirkied

"Baka fool! You bought the bird unfrozen from the grocery store-

Tis some ice, and nothing more."

Still, the tapping did not falter, and I, like lamb unto the altar,

Wandered, frightened, to my slaughter, opening the freezer door --

Where he sat, I did not put him, muppet ass inside the puddin,

Startled bad, I stumbled good and screamed til I couldn't scream no more

Falling down upon the floor.

Feeling stupid, I got up and dusted off my aching butt

From where I tumbled, shrieking, down upon my kitchen floor

"It's just Kermit!" Laughing, wheezing, "How'd you get here? Aren't you freezing?

Did the wife deposite you in here? And scare me to the floor?"

(Please stop rhyming floor with floor)

Suddenly, I did remember, earlier this same November

I had been divorced, she took the kids away a week before.

In my fear, I had forgotten, only now my heart felt rotten

"Will I ever hear her laugh again?" I mumbled, feeling sore

Quoth the muppet,

"Nevermore."

Kermit long had been my lover, still his speech had made me stutter,

Never had I heard him utter undreampt words to me before.

Staring at unmoving felt, I saw the ice began to melt

As in my foolish fright, too long I'd left ajar the freezer door

Taking him, I shut the door.

Wanting something to distract me from my sure overreacting

Imagining I'd heard him speak was surely sign of something more

Surely, hearing Kermit talk had been a message from my Cock

Wanting sweet release within the hole of slutty muppet whore

"I will take him on the floor!"

But as I thrust my meager member, urgently I did remember

Not from sudden thought, but from the cold upon my pores

In the freezer Kermit's hole had now become a deathly cold

Shrivilling my sack as then I screamed until my throat was sore

Then I screamed a little more

"Rotten muppet!" I was seething, "Do you loathe my very being?

Do you wish to further salt my recent wounds?" I did implore.

No reply, and I, in sorrow, realized that come the morrow

I would eat Thanksgiving with a muppet I could bone no more

For my conscience felt impure.

Not my conscience! No, that's bold. Surely it must be the cold

The cold, not guilt from harming wife and son those weeks before

Surely, then, if I can summon something warmer still to cum in,

Then, the guilt will leave and peaceful nights I'll have once more?

Quoth the muppet,

"Nevermore."

"MUPPET!" then I cried, "OR DEMON! TELL ME, WHAT'S THE FUCKING REASON?

WHY DO YOU INSIST ON MOCKING, FREEZING COCK, THERE ON THE FLOOR?"

Though out loud, he didn't respond, I heard his thinking through our bond,

Not an explanation -- a demand from him, a chore.

When I understood, I swore.

Then in his mind, the order spoken, suddenly the fridge did open

Showing, there, the bird that I had purchased from the store

"No," I whispered, vision murky, "I refuse to fuck the turkey,

Wifeless, friendless, godless, still, there's dignity inside my core!"

Quoth the muppet,

"Nevermore."

...

Then,

With reluctance,

I got out

My Jrap On

A Conpletely Original Poem

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I toiled, weak and weary,

On some flimsy fabrics I had purchased from the crafting store;

No one home, resigned a hermit, making hats for me and Kermit

Making pilgrim hats from craft supplies I got from Crafting Store;

hats for us, and no one more

Suddenly, there came a rapping, as if someone had been tapping

Someone faintly knocking, faintly tapping on my freezer door

First I thought, "My God, the turkey?" til I realized, and smirkied

"Baka fool! You bought the bird unfrozen from the grocery store-

Tis some ice, and nothing more."

Still, the tapping did not falter, and I, like lamb unto the altar,

Wandered, frightened, to my slaughter, opening the freezer door --

Where he sat, I did not put him, muppet ass inside the puddin,

Startled bad, I stumbled good and screamed til I couldn't scream no more

Falling down upon the floor.

Feeling stupid, I got up and dusted off my aching butt

From where I tumbled, shrieking, down upon my kitchen floor

"It's just Kermit!" Laughing, wheezing, "How'd you get here? Aren't you freezing?

Did the wife deposite you in here? And scare me to the floor?"

(Please stop rhyming floor with floor)

Suddenly, I did remember, earlier this same November

I had been divorced, she took the kids away a week before.

In my fear, I had forgotten, only now my heart felt rotten

"Will I ever hear her laugh again?" I mumbled, feeling sore

Quoth the muppet,

"Nevermore."

Kermit long had been my lover, still his speech had made me stutter,

Never had I heard him utter undreampt words to me before.

Staring at unmoving felt, I saw the ice began to melt

As in my foolish fright, too long I'd left ajar the freezer door

Taking him, I shut the door.

Wanting something to distract me from my sure overreacting

Imagining I'd heard him speak was surely sign of something more

Surely, hearing Kermit talk had been a message from my Cock

Wanting sweet release within the hole of slutty muppet whore

"I will take him on the floor!"

But as my I thrust my meager member, urgently I did remember

Not from sudden thought, but from the cold upon my pores

In the freezer Kermit's hole had now become a deathly cold

Shrivilling my sack as then I screamed until my throat was sore

Then I screamed a little more

"Rotten muppet!" I was seething, "Do you loathe my very being?

Do you wish to further salt my recent wounds?" I did implore.

No reply, and I, in sorrow, realized that come the morrow

I would eat Thanksgiving with a muppet I could bone no more

For my conscience felt impure.

Not my conscience! No, that's bold. Surely it must be the cold

The cold, not guilt from harming wife and son those weeks before

Surely, then, if I can summon something warmer still to cum in,

Then, the guilt will leave and peaceful nights I'll have once more?

Quoth the muppet,

"Nevermore."

"MUPPET!" then I cried, "OR DEMON! TELL ME, WHAT'S THE FUCKING REASON?

WHY DO YOU INSIST ON MOCKING, FREEZING COCK, THERE ON THE FLOOR?"

Though out loud, he didn't respond, I heard his thinking through our bond,

Not an explanation -- a demand from him, a chore.

When I understood, I swore.

Then in his mind, the order spoken, suddenly the fridge did open

Showing, there, the bird that I had purchased from the store

"No," I whispered, vision murky, "I refuse to fuck the turkey,

Wifeless, friendless, godless, still, there's dignity inside my core!"

Quoth the muppet,

"Nevermore."

...

Then,

With reluctance,

I got out

My Jrap On

• the fact that all jacob elordi really had to say for guillermo to cast him was "my father is spanish. also i went to catholic school and felt scared and deeply uncomfortable there" like...GDT's requirements are: you gotta be hispanic/latine, be filled with catholic guilt, or BOTH

• [regarding the nine hour prosthetic application process] "elordi recalls, 'the first thing guillermo said to me was that it would be my skin, and i would have to take the sacrament. like every morning, getting the prosthetics put on would be like the eucharist. that's how he spoke about it from the moment i came to the project.'" THAT'S INSANE LMAO

• this quote from jacob - "i love that the film doesn't have a fatalistic ending. what recourse does the creature have but to live? in all the drudgery and sadness and rejection, what else will you do but keep walking toward the sun?"

• the character of william frankenstein was based on guillermo as a child. guillermo gave the actor, felix kammerer, a photo of himself where he looked very little and sad and lonely, and felix carried that photo with him for the entirety of the film.

• the makeup artist applied subtle prosthetics to mia goth's face when she played victor's mother in order to make her look slightly more similar to oscar isaac

Death and Life

thank you mr. fox for ten glorious years of being attracted to butchy fish women. here's to another ten