My housemate's cat came into my room while my dictation was on...
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My housemate's cat came into my room while my dictation was on...

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magic the gathering tip: you can stop your opponent from casting a timely counterspell by placing your lips on theirs and getting a lil tongue action in there gay style
Fuck it, there's enough RPG information out there. I'm spreading RPG misinformation
Did you know D&D is actually a reprint of vampire the masquerade? The writers just changed the cover and used used find and replace to change all uses of "vampire" into "halfling". There were no other changes.
“What are you doing to me…”
Tamiyo’s eyes fluttered open, and the moonfolk was greeted by the sight of surgical implements cutting into her.
“We are removing your physical weaknesses,” chittered a cold, calculating voice from out of sight, “soon to be followed by the excision of your mental resistance.”
“Jin Gitaxias,” Tamiyo spat, with as much vitriol as she could muster in her weakened state.
“It is a pleasure to meet a fellow scholar. Especially one as astute as you.”
“I wish I could say the same.”
“You will find that ability, in time.”
Tamiyo swallowed nervously. The planeswalker tried to move, but felt her body held in place by invisible restraints. So, she was forced to stare at the sentient tools working on…her. Despite the Phyrexians’ brutal yet efficient surgical prowess, Tamiyo felt no pain from their experimentation. Instead, she merely sensed a pressure wherever their blades and needles explored, further dulled by a strange, sudden exhaustion washing over her.
“I can barely feel them,” Tamiyo muttered. She spoke to no one in particular, but Jin soon hovered into her view and began to reply.
“The Progress Engine prides itself in strides in every field, even those as superfluous as the dulling of pain. We have noted your waking reactions, and will now re-increase your dosage to render you unconscious again.”
“No. Wait…”
But Jin had already slithered over to a nearby panel and pressed a small button. Tamiyo suddenly found it impossible to stay awake, and drifted back to sleep to the eerie sounds of cutting.
—
“Why am I awake?”
Tamiyo noted the new, robotic tone of her voice as she awoke once more. She was still unable to move, but she now felt wide awake, as opposed to her previous, drowsy state. Jin was already standing over her with an answer.
“Your internals have been replaced by machinery, rendering any conventional anesthetic useless, in every sense of the word. Your physical transformation is complete, and we have already begun the suggestion process.”
Jin reached out and pulled one of Tamiyo’s arms into her view. Her skin had been replaced by reflective material, allowing her to see her neutral expression, now immortalized in sleek chrome.
“I am metal, now.”
“And so much more,” Jin corrected gently. “Your reasoning skills, your memory, your reflexes, all tuned to a razor’s edge. You have also already begun to embrace your true, perfected nature, judging from your reaction.”
Tamiyo experimentally waved the sharpened claws on her fingers back and forth, and noticed a slight delay in their reaction.
“Why is my movement unresponsive?” Tamiyo asked. Her anger was long gone, replaced with a stoic curiosity.
“The synapse response must travel through several systems, lengthening the-”
“You could use a Trivaz circuit.”
Jin froze. “A what?”
“A Trivaz circuit,” Tamiyo repeated patiently, “named after the Ravnican viashino who created it. Its original purpose was to eliminate the delay in light switches, but you could use the same system-”
“To bypass the electric delay, yes.” Jin twiddled his claws anxiously. “Workers. Follow Tamiyo’s instructions. Make her perfect.”
The moonfolk began relaying instructions to the lesser Phyrexians, hesitantly at first, but soon growing more comfortable, as she soon saw the Phyrexians working over her not as mechanical horrors, but beloved members of her family. She leaned her head back, closing her eyes as she continued speaking. All the better to hear the glorious sounds of her own compleation.
[All right, all right, I think I got all the Halloween stuff out of my system…I think.]
Today's Card Is: Mind Goblin These Nuts

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Wizard: You are a human mountain! You have more muscles in your ears than I have in my entire body.
Fighter: Never skip ear day, Wizard.
Medusa, but just one gigantic snake instead of a million little ones
New 6e rule!
We've made changes to Succubi/Incubi! Now, the only way to defeat them is to kiss your DM square on the lips. Just get right in there.

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New rule for 6e!
Joe is not allowed to play. You know who you are.
rules change for the release of Battlebond
Partners must wear this sweater, taking it off at any point will get you disqualified.
Nostalgia Sets
In Magic's next nostalgia set we'll be dissolving the reserve list to reprint expeditions in a little set we like to call “Homeland Masters”.
- Mark "Marky Mark" Rosewater
Another 6e update!
We've added a new race! It's called Clown.
D&D 6e Update!
Due to complaints from parents, in the new Dungeons & Dragons 6th Edition, we will be removing combat mechanics from the game. Instead, conflicts will be solvable only be diplomacy, and if the conflict leads to battle, there is now a mechanic to solve the conflict with a single dice roll. We spent a lot of time on this change, and there will be much more on the way!.

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We’ll post updates on Dungeons & Dragons and Magic: The Gathering!