basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

they are not “gay little fingerless gloves”. they sre my normal sized fingerless gloves of undisclosed sexuality.

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

I need a blowjob but I don’t have a penis or a strap on and I’m not taking off my pants so you’re just gonna have to figure it out

everyone eat more vegetables NOW!!! and mention the last vegetable you ate in the tags so we're all on the buddy system. I'll start: bok choy

the one band member thinking to himself that he's so glad lestat killed one of the tech guys and lestat going "dude I just fired him like a normal person" was an underrated moment tbh

let's punch children with mama