Worlds We Write

i wanna smoke with cookie monster so bad.... greening out and he hits u with the "imagine....imagine what me do if moon was cookie.... just imagine" i would lose my freaking mindddd

He would be looking out the window "you know what moon remind me of..... cookie" and i would be like DUDEEE.. WE SHOULD MAKE COOKIES and he would probably feel so loved

Controversial opinion apparently but a fucking ad should not have control over my phone's volume or the ability to pause anything else that is playing

Call me crazy, but I don't think I should need to press the "end this ad" button 3 times in order to start the 13s countdown before I can actually press the button to end the ad.

where's that native meme that's like "lol you worship the sun lmao" and they respond "ok. the sun is real"

been following a person on instagram recently who is logging into skyrim, doing exactly one thing in the game, then logging out, every day until they defeat alduin. the last week has just been picking up one individual gold coin off a pile of them on a table every single day and everybody keeps voting for them to keep picking up coins instead of moving on. they're calling it Coin Week. it's day 201 right now

rage bait idea: like your own texts during an argument

water leak in my flat right as i'm going to bed, gonna liveblog it

intake valve on the toilet blew up right as i was going to bed, thank god it's the intake and not the output!

shut off the water you say? good plan! that was my first idea, unfortunately the stopcock is sealed behind a wooden panel. now that's good design!

building manager said to call an emergency plumber so i did. god bless them, he did arrive within 30 mins in the middle of the night

emergency plumber Ts&Cs be like "you owe us a million pounds an hour and your firstborn child" sure man just fix this toilet or the office workers below me are gonna be very soggy tomorrow morning

I have to pay them with my own money tonight when they're done but I will of course be forwarding the invoice to my landlady and asking her to pay me back. that's not gonna be a nice message to wake up to on monday morning, feel a bit bad - she is nice, i know she'll pay me back

the emergency plumber is here, he's younger than me and he looks like discount Mister Beast. Mister Least

"I know it's clean but I have to suck it." hey man we just met

the girls' group chat is loving all this btw, everyone's suddenly become Professor Plumb

he just sucked all the water out of my toilet, which has gotta be confusing as hell if you're the toilet

he's taken the whole toilet off the wall

i had to put on pants for this, I was fully bedtime pilled and cosymaxxing when this occurred

my least favourite towel is ruined, but hey should have worked harder to be my favourite towel I guess

part of the problem is the expanding foam that was put back there to stop the mice getting in is getting in the way. bet they're laughing their little mouse asses off now

of course this would happen after i took my prog so i'm also drowsy and dumb for all of this

my brain: "I need to pee, I'll just... oh, my toilet's in the hallway. Huh."

he asked me what i do for a living, i said I'm an actor, he said "You look like one :)" awww, thanks buddy!