Colour

instead the softness I expect is just not there...

On top of me is crush gravity that tells me I’m lucky there is a ground or I would fall further down.

Because further I should be.

That is not a fact but an opinion.

One I’ve been unwilling to accept but the world has been chipping at me.

Will it be like this forever?

No, it will pass like it tends to do.

I hold on to that turn when my bed will feel like clouds and gravity will remind me it’s there so I don’t float away because there is enough stars in the sky.

My purpose is to be bright here where I can be nearer to you.

over and over again.

I’ll take what you’re willing to give.

The smallest amount at times is too vibrant for me.

Only you know how much I can take.

Under spotlights of porch lights

and the beat that cars make passing by.

You hold me down and let me go when I need to be free.

Any of you.

Now & again I say each of your name out loud.

They remind me moments of sweetness, bitterness.

That I was capable of it.

That I was lucky.

That I loved.

Madame Veil-Picard

Oil on canvas by Giovanni Boldini

All the broken glass I pass on my drive look like gems shinning in the sun.

I ponder when others pass me by do I shine like beautiful preciousness

Im broken too...

This world has taught and shown me much.

It’s hurts at times, my mind feels manic, lost and sad when there no reason to be those things anymore.

So I work with my hands to make a world that has no real pain and what you do find is to beautiful to hurt you...

Darkest of blues always brings me to...

Letting the waves of you take me in far and deep .

The pull is strong that when my memory has long left there will still be parts of you that lingers.

I could hear it slowly unlocking.

I knocked so you would not forget I was waiting.

Can’t I be enough...

You are enough.

And yet the door never fully opened

Primary

2019 Acrylic & Oil paint double panel

Can you wait for me?

It’s brings on the illusion that someone belongs to me.

The human heart is fickle and the mind is always looking for a logical outcome.

I am anything but that.

The motion of the night takes me over.

As the Moon decides to abandon me the never changing Sun greets me.

In between both celestial bodies is you.

Somber in your stillness and it draws me to you.

On moonless nights I can see the outline of your body with the slow movements of my fingers-tips.

Ive imagined what loving you would be like and pray I never find out.

The strength looking back at me in your brown eyes seems untamable.

I want my head to lead so that my heart can follow so my body can let go.

I want to free fall deeply in love.

I’ve tried it other ways and all I end up doing is breaking my own heart. I know what needs to go first.

I am not able to let my body lead, my heart follow and my brain come to the conclusion that this must be it.

Heat rises, misjudgments confusing my heart pushing with that logic but it won’t take.

My soul knows and won’t let me lie to myself. My soul wants to fall in love.

Sadly that means my mind has to fall first. That it has to want to memorize the little curves of your lip as sweet words come out of it. Watching your tongue come and go as you tell me knowledge that I didn’t know before that makes my mind feel the need of you in every possible way.

That I can’t help but find you intriguing. So much so there is no room for doubt concerning the concept of you or us.

From there my heart will follow because my brain has agreed that anything else is unreasonable.