Corny but Cute

Astrology posts are great and all but the real truth is hidden in fortune cookies

Fortune cookie says my pussy is tight

call my pussy a truffle the way your hog is hunting it down through the bush

she's my h.o.e. (heaven on earth)

Bus drivers who see you running and open their hole are better public servants than any cop.

their what now?

their ‘bussy’ you might say

i might not.

He’s practicing lab safety

He has little booties!!!!!!

this is the most Pokemon Professor-looking person I’ve ever seen in real life

[ID: An older woman with grey hair, braided over her shoulder, stood with her arms crossed. She’s wearing a white lab coat that goes down to her knees and has protective goggles on her forehead. At her feet is sat a white dog, it’s head reaching her mid-thigh. It is also wearing a white lab coat, with the sleeves folded up over the paws. It is also wearing black shoes with orange stripes, and has matching protective goggles on. END ID]

once you stop fantasizing about that ideal version of yourself and start working towards becoming that person by setting your alarm clock earlier and actually going to the gym and actually volunteering at places and actually eating healthier and not procrastinating and working just a little bit harder you’ll realize that it was so easy all along. becoming your ideal self will only ever exist in your mind until you make the decision to work towards becoming that person. get up!! get going!! it’s now or never!! there is no light at the end of the tunnel!! get that flashlight and pave your own path bitch bc no one else is going to do it for u!!

I’m sending him a friend request LMAO

Have you fallen in love with me yet or do I need to post more nonsense

years ago i watched this p/orn and the girl was screaming ‘oh god!! oh god!!!’ and the dude was like ‘there are no gods here’ and to this day it haunts me wtf was he talking about

Then you must be in hysterics