words for rae

I got this as an ask and accidentally DELETED MY LIST so here it is once again.

I have realized that my preferred flavor of repressed tends less toward “I can’t be with cas because I’m NOT GAY!” and more toward “I can’t be with Cas because I am broken and unlovable” so a lot of these have sex before love type vibes or kinds secret relationship vibes or maybe i want this but i shouldn’t and i can’t stay away vibes. But the emotional catharsis comes in slow for all of them.

crossing lines by sometimeswelose

probably my “favorite” fic if i could even classify such a thing. extremely real PTSD and BPD dean. just bleeding out emotionally on everyone around him. gorgeous writing. huge payoff.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29076138/chapters/71373267

then comes the rain series by someonetoanyone

i do not like mpreg and this is the only mpreg fic i’ve ever read and holy shit. it’s as good as it gets. so even if that’s not your thing i urge you to just give it a shot. it’s just aughhhhh. all of their stuff is great through if you wanna browse through.

https://archiveofourown.org/series/3867019

IPAMIS OL OLPRIT by emmbrancsxx0

I’m a huge sucker for “John comes back and Dean reverts to his worst self” and this is the most painful of those for me. Great established deancas whump. So fun to see dean be the worse version of himself.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15371784/chapters/35670621

ten minutes from home: lebanon coda by disabled_dean

another John comes back and throws dean into chaos fic. a slightly more tender vibe, a different take on john, some of the most interesting world building i’ve ever seen. a must read.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61589965/chapters/157459309

2003 by feargach

dean is sent back in time and wakes up under john’s thumb, missing cas, and reevaluating everything he used to believe in. meanwhile 24 year old dean wakes up in the bunker, forced to reconcile with things he can barely even think about. so tender. so beautiful. so healing. the final in my top 3 “john comes back to throw dean off” but this time it’s dean going back. he’s forced to confront so so so much stuff and the writing is just gorgeous.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64973776/chapters/167035966#workskin

I wanna get outside (of me) by emwebb17

OCD reclusive cas is a dom who hires sub dean to come for a totally no-feelings at all contractual sex work job. such gooood OCD rep and i just love the slow burn/tons of kink blend.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5221478/chapters/12040040

ramble on by gingerswag

trucker cas/sex worker dean on a cross country road trip and oh man this one rips my heart up. a tragic dean, a very autistic cas, a lot of mental health issues and such an unlikely connection through it all.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58050421/chapters/147790846

the dean winchester beat sheet by saltyfeathers

college au. dean “why does everyone think i’m gay” winchester. such a fun, delightful read. probably the most truly “repressed” dean on this list in a classical sense. wonderful storytelling.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19258594/chapters/45800209

faith healer by punkascas (earlwyn)

i put off reading this because i often find endverse style cas a little OOC but oh man not here. not at all. incredibly in character stuff. maybe my favorite dean/sam dynamic in a fic. a great case in the background and such a lived in world. it’s so so so good.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5265206/chapters/12220853

plain and tall by destielpasta and mtothedestiel

a “sarah plain and tall” au and one of my favorite historical aus. homesteading on the kansas prairie. dad dean left alone with a baby. a realistic but never cruel take on mid 19th century homosexuality. a warm and cozy read with a good tense slow burn.