all I want is me

how does one flirt?

Of the wild rose on - Anagram robot 1.2. I find anagrams for stuff. I know I don’t always make sense, but I’m getting better!

Wholesome

anagram-bot: youre about to get robo-laid

I hate in the MCU or anything when the aliens or whatever are attacking and everyone’s just ‘oh yeah we be chilling just cowering over here’ as if seventy percent of humanity isn’t really angry all the time like catch these hands motherfucker I’ve bitten people for trying to steal my chips you think you can just steal my whole fucking planet YEET HERE COME MY TEETH film people be using responses to natural disasters but I promise if human sized things came to throw down humanity would be ready to fuck them up like yeah you got laser guns I got this dope ass stick I just found let’s go you ugly fuck

silentwalrus1: #yeah bicht!!!!!!#gimme the battle of new york with fuckin chitauri comin down and the shift manager of the times sq H&M has finally had Enough#Tracie bout to kill this alien with a traffic cone#’ JUST PRETEND THEY’RE TOURISTS’ she screams choking out goddamn Lizard Lite with her lanyard#10 feet away a park slope mom is beating an alien to death with her four year old’s knockoff eco friendly razr scooter#every single retail employee gets ten years’ worth of therapy in one day#captain america’s kill count: 83 aliens#kathleen from accounting: 94 and also her boss

You know that part in movies where the main character turns on their car radio and the song that’s playing slowly fades in and becomes the movies background music? I like that

I love the opposite, where the background music is seemingly just background music until the cut to someone turning off the radio and the music abruptly cuts off.

I don’t understand why y’all still feel the need to use the R-word in 2018, especially when our language has evolved to the point where we have much more accurate and concise words for what you’re attempting to express. Stop being lazy and disrespectful and phase that shit out of your vocabulary. It’s really not that hard.

online friendships are a delicate mix of “i know all your deepest secrets” and “wait you’re not left-handed”

And “hey, I wrote some porn for you.”

“Also, what is your name again?”