Wonderfully Bad Jokes

-cracks knuckles-

I moustache you a question: Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that came out of your mouth? Your game is like a bankrobber on the run (read: going far south). Take me down? poor soul i’m far too l33t, though if bullshit could float you’d be admiral of the fleet.  

I don’t mean to be nas-tea, I don’t mean to rude. But you might want to turn the dial down on the ‘tude. Don’t think I don’t appreciate these ad homonym attacks. But challenging me? Boy, you got other things to axe. “Do I have a deathwish?” should be one on that list. Now make like a pirate and seas and desist. As you can see I got puns and jokes for days. If this shit was a farmer’s market i’d be the one to a-maize. Now I got plenty more bullets in this pun submachine gun, but first some last words before this post is done:

Your ass is go-karting while i’m f1 grand prix. 

So frankly my dear you can go ahead and…

I hope you’re okay, I hope you’re not sad. See I’m not the Worst…

If you don’t know what is going on

Cute, wonderfullybadjokes

i took a day because I didn’t notice your tiny ass. Throwing around stats like the nerdiest kid in class. HAH 2 years, 4 jokes and you’re still trash. I’m the compactor at the crematorium because i’ll smash your ash. Though I must give you kudos for keeping this rhyme thing trucking. But much like a chinese made hoover you are the suck king.

If you keep this up I’ll ask my school to reimburse. Because you’ll be living proof evolution can go in reverse. I hope you can face the music and you won’t be a whiner, But i’m afraid you’re ending up as A-flat minor. Too much to bear? i’m having a field day! I hope you know what a will is (It’s a dead give-away).

So back off, get away from my throne. If you lost a brain cell, the other one would be alone. On your way out, don’t let the door hit you in the ass. You’re like a teacher that was fired, cuz you got no class. I’m winning this pun-off don’t you see. This whole thing is like the basement, it’s beneath me.

Sea I can’t be beneath you, your level is in the Mariana Trench. The only thing you're good for is warming up the loser’s bench. Bringing up Sinatra and talking about old? I’ll pull a Mack The Knife and lay you out cold. So bitch, please. You really screwed the pooch. Stop talking bullshit and lay off the hooch.

When it comes to pun royalty theres a disparity between wanting (you) and being (me). You’re a featherweight nobody and i’m muhammad ali. So you better back off for your own well being. Now make like a frenchman and start fleeing. Chez mon you for even having a whirl. Because in this game i’m the pimp and you’re the call girl. 

The throne is mine, you just don’t know yet. If you disagree you need a visit from the doc or maybe a vet. Though I’m afraid putting you down is the only option. Because with a blog like that they won’t put your ass up for adoption.

Now get on out of here, no need to linger. But if you don’t you can suck my

You’ve just been rhyming and being crude from the start. I’ll call you the Tin Man since you have no heart. You thought you’d win with just rhymes and themes. But like the flying pink unicorn, it’s only in your dreams.

I’m almost done, I’ll keep this short and sweet. Because much like an omelet, you’ve already been beat. You have no substance, you’re just sound. Maybe you’ll stop once you’re 8 feet below the ground. This battle is over, your bubble’s been burst. You should stop rhyming…

You can’t just make up false accusations and then cry victory, your sister thought the line about your dad was pretty witty. Not into crude humour? fine by me. But then don’t come back and pour oil on the fire with glee. Chemistry is out of wack here cause you keep reacting. But all you’re doing is overacting.

I’m breaking this down like a french jamaican cheese making devotee because i’m about knee deep in your smoking de brie. Talking trash like it’s a sanitation convention. Though your commitment to it deserves honorable mention.

And thank God this time you replied in less than 24 hours. I usually think you died and start buying funeral flowers. Usually with a pun-off you have to be fast. Not sitting around watching the years go past. You’re terrible if you’re writing these as fast as you can. Or do you fall asleep for 20 years like Old Rip Van? If you’re trying to be slow and steady you can give yourself high fives. Meanwhile, the hare already won, and we’ve all moved on with our lives.