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dadpilled

Think this often about my boy

mostly-funnytwittertweets

lesbian-archives

Garden Variety Dykes: Lesbian Traditions in Gardening, 1994

derinthescarletpescatarian

OH it's a lesbian and her enormous sunflower

I thought she had her arm around the shoulders of her wife, who was dressed as a plant monster for some reason

euamopipoca-deactivated20120215

Put a / in the year you were born, so we will have an average age

sociallyanxiousdragon

Before 1990: //////

1990:////

1991://////

1992:////////////

1993://///////////////

1994:////////////////////

1995: //////////////////////////////////////

1996: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

1997: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

1998: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

1999: ///////////////////

2000: //

After 2000: /

sociallyanxiousdragon

This is what we did before polls, when we could still edit posts

rincewitch

stone age tumblr utilizing primitive tools

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ampervadasz

Unmute !

oldbaton

I am your dentist

snorchblog-deactivated20240904

and i’m colonoscopist

he’s gonna lick your teeth from the front while i lick them from the back

oldbaton

penandinkprincess

listen i'm not advocating for exotic animals as pets, but i really just feel like cheetahs are probably different

i feel like we need to give them another shot as housebeasts

penandinkprincess

this is a critter who wants greenies and then to take a nap on the couch next to me, and i KNOW it

penandinkprincess

cheetah in House perfec t size for put inside! inside very Soft and Comfort cheetah sleep soundly put cheetah in House. Put Cheetah In House. no problems ever in cheetah in ho use because good Happy and Satisfy for human where sleep. House yes a place for a cheetah put cheetah in house can trust cheetah for giveing good love to humans in house. friend cheetah

justasmidgx

I mean, as someone who as worked in a zoo, this is fairly true.

Obvious disclaimer that you shouldn't have wild animals as pets.

But like, cheetahs are the only large cats that keepers will do free contact with. Hell, even most small cats don't get free contact. (Because small cats can be VICIOUS. They'll have a baby pallas cat wearing thicker gloves than when handling an owl. Because small cats can just be vicious.)

Like I think the only other cat at our zoo where I've seen free contact with was servals? Because I know they've used servals in shows to demonstrate their natural jumping ability. But I know servals can sometimes have a mean temper as well. Meanwhile they'll do the cheetah run and afterwards put the mic by the cheetahs and it's just like an engine with them purring. It's fascinating to watch when the message in every other large animal is "no free contact because it's dangerous even when they're born in captivity".

Legit if any wild animal could be adapted to a pet it would be cheetahs lmao. Only problem is they can be skittish and very anxious and that's why they're often raised around dogs in zoos to gain confidence.

penandinkprincess

congrats, i award you funniest take on this post

bittergrin

I just feel the need to point out that a 100lb animal doing 2am zoomies at 65mph might be a problem for every breakable object in your house.

calvinandhobbescomic

justadreaminghufflepuff

This comic is genuinely how I remember which is which.

pinene

Never trust a furry disliker

pinene

This is so sweet. Furry ally. Thank you

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byjove

obituaries in the south are so funny, they’ll be talking about a man who spent his 72 years on this earth torturing his family and terrorizing the small town he was born into and saying shit like “he ascended to his eternal reward” “he rose to glory” like no baby he did not. “was called home” is my favorite euphemism because it fails to mention if it was God or Satan who wanted him back

byjove

the careful implied insult in that sentence is so crazy. that obituary writer was playing chess with words.

hamletthedane

Okay I used to review Texas obituaries for a living and these are some of my favorite lines describing people who were apparently awful during their lifetimes:

“A man of a distinct and unmatched personality” (divorced four times, hated by the entire town of Caldwell, Texas)

“Many remember him most fondly as a child” (died in a meth lab explosion)

“Her family hopes that Christ may finally guide her, and she may at last find peace” (For an 80yo woman. I never got the full story on this one, but it’s incredible)

“He has gone now to see the fruits of his life” (man in question had assaulted and murdered two people, and was given the death penalty)

Very common - “A man whom everybody in town knew and few forgot”

“A man who read the scriptures and taught his children how to be strong” (a Christian fundamentalist arrested three times for violent family battery)

“He was familiar with God”

“In eternity, she will receive at last what she deserves”

And my favorite - “She was a strong-willed woman who knew the value of manipulating a good deal. Her family believes she is now arguing with St. Peter to slip her the keys to the gate while Archangel Michael isn’t looking.” (Woman in question was vehemently hated by her entire family bc she had sued them multiple times)

p1nkiek1ttie

no, actually, i can’t be friends with someone who has opposing political views. this is mostly due to the fact my views are “people deserve rights”

passionpeachy

The way adult fandom people hold indie online creators and cartoons to a much higher standard than their actual local politicians. You could be putting that energy into terrorizing and protesting conservatives at your town hall and actually make a good material impact on the world but instead you're background checking everything the trans woman who made the amazing digital circus has ever said

passionpeachy

The point isn't "stop criticizing indie artists" or "defend your favorite show under this post". I don't even watch Digital Circus and no one is above criticism. Literally every indie show is getting torn to shreds on twitter right now and I'm not saying this to defend anyone I don't know. The point is "someone who actually has the power to kill us all and get away with it deserves way more ire and accountability than a cartoonist and I expect grown adults to understand this"

markerofthemidnight

you 🫵. make a self-indulgent au now

teaboot

“Why are you scared of dating” I’m not scared of dating, I just haven’t found anyone’s company to be more enjoyable than my own. And also I don’t care

justlightmeonfire

I just don't want anyone to steal my very cursed amulet

teaboot

Also the amulet

whimsicalmayhem

Is that you talking? Or the amulet? Are you SURE a new hand doesn't want to touch the beacon?

teaboot

The amulet and I are not currently looking for a third

madeofklay

I saw this perfectly in my head and had to recreate it

teaboot

Holy Shit

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