ILL GO, ILL GO, ILL GO, ILL GO, ILL GO. SHIT

entry-level blowjobs are disappearing

*street shot of zohran mamdani clad in nasty lil suit and hard hat* five months ago i was elected mayor of new york city. in that time, we have managed to COMPLETELY defeat the Staten Island Minotaur at no additional cost to the new york taxpayer

Put this in the comments but it needs to be said here too. I am so mad D20 did unsleeping city before Mamdani was mayor. Can you fucking imagine.

But when I say the “wholesome and funny” YouTube short I have been handed of students surprise showing their teachers 10+ year old photos of themselves and most them were emo/goth in some way and every single one now has medium brown beach waves and is wearing head to toe beige and immediately screams and hides the photo like it’s the most embarrassing thing in the world is a hallmark of a deeply insidious tendency to associate socially acceptable WASPy aesthetics with maturity and responsibility and perpetuates the idea that everyone grows up, “gets right” and becomes the most digestible unobtrusive heterosexual I’m “taking it too seriously”

“It’s not that serious” oh but it issssss because every day we perpetuate the idea that non-conformity of any kind to the white straight middle class standard is inherently immature and gets “left behind” when someone becomes a socially acceptable adult

This idea that maturity is conformity is everywhereeee if you look for even a moment

You stole dog eggs

if you want me to consume a new media you MUST catch me at the exact moment when the stars are aligned and the air pressure is equal to the current degree of the sun’s peak against the horizon and all the cosmic energies are perfectly unified (aka my old interest is fading out) or i will nod and say “im adding that to my list!” Knowing theres no chance i will check it out

“unless its a book!” “unless you tell me it has gay people in it!” “this but only for live action shows” “theres a good chance i’ll get to it eventually” no wrong this post is not for you this post is ONLY for bitches who could have a treasured friend recommend them something that sounds grown in a lab to be your personal catnip and, with no choice in the matter, immediately know it will never be the right time to watch/read/listen to it

i don't need to. buy rhythm games . I open VLC or Spotify & just push buttons for a while

I think those fancomics where Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes is transgender are cute and fun but I also think it's a deep misunderstanding of Calvin's character to think he would transition into a heterosexual normie who goes to her high school reunion. That girl would have neopronouns and fang implants

Adult Calvin is a tattoo artist named Panthera who is the bassist in a terrible metal band called Captain Napalm and Hobbes helps do faer E injections

I know it's like 2 weeks too late to change it but I'm so mad I didn't realize that the band would obviously be called "Get Rid Of Slimy GirlS". I walk the road of shame