Shimp ❤️

i really love how you can tell how much happier she is

Fuck amatonormativity. Be your own dead wife

Is there a reason they are all about water or apples

complete accident.

Are you sure you aren’t a horse

trots away from you....

There is no drug on earth that can replicate the absolute euphoria of hitting a writing flow state at 2:00 AM. You aren’t even typing anymore. You are a vessel. You are a channel for the gods. The characters are speaking directly into your brain and you’re just the stenographer trying to keep up. You feel like you could fight a bear. You feel like you invented the alphabet

"No good movie is too long and no bad movie is short enough." ~Roger Ebert

I miss my leeches for all the normal pet reasons but I also miss being able to use them as a one-hit death blow to end stupid conversations. Whenever I defend the ecological importance of parasites someone will inevitably crawl up and go “well I bet you wouldn’t feel that way if you had them” and oooooo boy let me tell you. It was so fun to hit back with “I DO” and then whip out my phone and show them 30 pictures of my fucking Worms

Did I ever talk abt the time i was at a bdsm club and one of the pups was on all fours and barking and being cute and the dom on scene was like “hi puppy! Do you do any tricks?” And he said “I can beatbox!”

I was like. Doubled over incapacitated laughing the entire time. He was really good and a big sweetheart and I felt kinda bad but I couldn’t stop thinking “why the am I getting the beatboxing puppy unskippable cutscene at the bdsm club”

small town diner waitress voice: Omelas? Oh, oh no, easy mistake, you're in oh - MAY - las right now, with an A. Plenty' people get the name mixed up. Nope, no utopia here, just our small little town. *face gets really grim* We do still.. Okay well we do still have a kid that we... I mean it isn't working but- well- You know. It- It's fine. I'm sure it'll start working soon.

im so hungry i could eat a meal

if you see me liking contradicting headcanons for the same character just know it's because I do not give a fuck and I have an active imagination #hewouldsaythat

sometimes it’s not about ‘would he say that or do that’ it’s more like that would be hilarious if he did because I have a jester’s heart