Witt Reviews Movies

Under review today: we wish you a turtle Christmas from turtle tunes

For anyone who doesn’t know (which is probably most people because this is the most obscure piece of media that I think has even been created), turtle tunes is a Barney-esque television show from the 90’s but with the Ninja Turtles instead of a purple dinosaur. I’ll be leaving a link at the very end of the Christmas episode for anyone willing to watch it. With this being an episode of a television show, I will be doing songs instead of the poster.

Category 1 - the songs

Holy shit, these songs are actually ass. Like if they weren’t in a TMNT related piece of media then I would probably be stabbing my ears out right now. In the first song Leo somehow miraculously turns Jamaica and sing the entire song in a Jamaican accent and there is absolutely no explanation for why. The other songs aren’t much better. The only good song in the entirety of this episode is Raph’s Wrap Rap where Raph raps about wrapping and I think about it way too often.

All in all - ⭐️⭐️ two stars (simply for the wrap rap)

Category 2 - plot

The whole episode is very much Christmas related with the main plot of it being that the boys forgot to get Splinter a Christmas present and they end up getting him so many that homedog can preform his own version of 12 days of Christmas (12 days of turtlemas respectively). Other than that it’s very lackluster.

All in all - ⭐️⭐️ two stars

Category 3 - acting

There is none, and if there is then I just can tell cause it’s kinda bad

All in all - ⭐️ one star

Category 4 - did I like it or not

No, I don’t like it at all. But despite this, I will continue to watch it every year and recommend it to every living person on the planet

All in all - ⭐️ one star

the movie on the chopping block today is: The Dark Crystal

Category 1 - movie poster

I've always liked any any iteration of the movie poster, I feel like the art style is beautiful and truly portrays the vibe that Jim Henson was trying to go for when he was designing the movie. The way that they have the skeksis looming over the rest of the cast is *chefs kiss*

all in all - ⭐⭐⭐⭐ four star

Category 2 - plot

I'm going to be brutally honest here, the plot is very much lacking. There are so many things in the story that are just lacking in explanation that make it very hard to understand what things are happening and why.

all in all - ⭐⭐ two stars

Category 3 - acting

Holy cow, when I say that this movie has some of the best acting I've ever seen, I genuinely mean that. With the lack of plot, the acting makes up for it. It's just so good, they way that you can feel the fear that Kira does when she is taken away by Chamberlain or Chamberlain's desperation during the scene where he's pleading for the gelflings to return with him to the castle. You even get top tier acting from fizzgig, one of the characters that doesn't even talk.

all in all - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ five stars

Category 4 - did I like it or not

This is another movie from my childhood that I just absolutely adore. The way that Jim Henson constructed his world is just so beautiful. He was able to make so many lovable characters in such a short amount of time. Although the story is kinda a little wonky, the art style and fantastic puppetry make it worth the watch.

as a 16 year old raised by three VHS 90's kids, I have experienced so many different different movies that nobody my age seems to have watched. So I have no made it my goal to write reviews for those movies to encourage my peers into watching them because I literally have nothing to relate to with my generation.

I will be ranking movies based on four things: movie poster, plot, acting, and generally whether I liked it or not

The first movie on the chopping block is: lion king 2 Simba's pride

Category 1 - movie poster

I feel like this poster is kinda basic, but it gets the point across that it's a sequel. It shows the old characters to get the old fans in and out shows the new characters to add a little bit of spice.

All in all - ⭐⭐⭐ three stars

Category 2 - plot

The plot is very reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet based one the way that there are two different lion families and the two that aren't supposed to be together fall in love with each other. I mean, I've never read Romeo and Juliet but I'm pretty sure the title characters die, which doesn't happen in this story, so pretty good.

All in all - ⭐⭐⭐ three stars

Category 3 - acting

The acting from the new cast is great. You can really tell there's emotion coming from Kovu and Kiara and you can see and hear the rage coming from Kovu's mom (I forgot her name) when she sings "that's my lullaby". The original cast is kinda bland though, especially with timon and pumba. They were there to review their roles as the comedic relief, but the writers clearly didn't put enough effort to make sure that they were actually funny. I'm gonna include the songs here real quick because there is a lot coming from those. I already mentioned how that's my lullaby is really good, but that's not the only good one. All of the songs in this movie are very top tier but the best ones in my personal opinion are "upendi" and "one of us". I feel like those songs really show the extent the animators could got to with those songs.

All in all - ⭐⭐⭐⭐ four stars

Category 4 - did I like it or not

Yes, I loved this movie. I used to watch it all the to me when I was a young little lad and I still consistently watch it now as a teenager. This was an integral part of my childhood, I remember watching this more than the first movie. I watched it to the point that my parents would have to turn the TV off in the summers and make do something else because I would watch it so much.

All in all - ⭐⭐⭐⭐ four stars