Mehaan

Aries: The future can be a source of anxiety. Its where all the monsters live. Remember, the future is broad country, the monsters have to find you first.

Taurus: Become the next cryptocurrency tycoon by eating the heart of an Instagram influencer.

Gemini: Your dreams of defeating the pope in single combat will hit a roadblock when it is revealed that he has been training to unlock new powers.

Cancer: Careful Cancer! There's a little demon in your cup of coffee.

Leo: You are not wasting your potential, you are conserving your energy, charging up for a powerful attack.

Virgo: The only thing that can save you now is wicked slap bass.

Libra: Oh yeah, you're resonating today. You're gonna resonate like hell. Waves out the ass. You'll love it.

Scorpio: Yeah the bus driver is a harpy are you gonna do anything about it?

Sagittarius: Love is a rabbit. Chase it, it will flee. Sit still, it will approach.

Capricorn: There will be a time after this, after all of this. It just takes time.

Aquarius: The subway counts as the domain of Hades, but traveling on the subway is under the purview of Hermes. Place offerings at shrines accordingly.