Diary
Found out I have Aspergers around two months ago, still trying to cope with it today. I'm relatively calmer, now that I know what's been causing me so much anguish all these years. What was interesting to me were the responses I received when I shared this matter with some of my friends. Some surprised, some skeptical, others felt awkward, some thought nothing of it. A few were particularly funny in the sense that they were denying of what I have been diagnosed with. I guess it doesn't really matter how they feel about it because now I have something much clearer to me personally, and am trying to work with it. It's actually a huge fucking relief to know as opposed to figuring out the unknown.Ā
One down, two to go. Two things that helped my psychologist to identify this neurological difference of mine are my depression and anxiety, both of which mainly stem from the difficulties I've been experiencing socially. Of course, there are many other factors as well but by knowing and identifying what I am born with, it'll be a bit easier to deal with what I'm suffering from now.
An internet friend passed away recently. In reality, we're not close enough to call each other friends (more like internet acquaintances) but we've always had this mutual understanding...or that's what I'd like to think. But knowing that she committed suicide from depression hits me really hard and it scares me. I have the tendency to have obsessive-compulsive thoughts, mainly about inflicting harm on both others and myself. It's not happening as frequently as before, but it's like a long-time devilish friend who drops by from time to time, reminding you of your mortality, your impermanence. Each thought is quite scary but I try to embrace it as another fleeting feeling.
Onto something happier though, despite my struggles with interpersonal issues before, I am now able to talk to people with relative ease. There are times when I still don't understand how the conversation-game works, but it's gradually getting better. Twitter helps.
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It's Halloween. I should draw something.
