My heart beats, my body won't move.

“My 20s have been the loneliest era in my life. I am surrounded by people but not connecting with anyone. Everyone is living their own lives while I am still waiting for mine to start. I feel lost between what I should be feeling and how I actually feel.”

“Forgive me if I don’t talk much at times. It’s loud enough in my head.”

““What’s the worst thing I’ve stolen? Probably little pieces of other people’s lives. Where I’ve either wasted their time or hurt them in some way. That’s the worst thing you can steal, the time of other people. You just can’t get that back.” - Unknown”

“But in that moment I understood what they say about nostalgia, that no matter if you’re thinking of something good or bad, it always leaves you a little emptier afterwards.”

“My life is a struggle between my need for acceptance, my fear of rejection, and a desire to not care at all.”

“It’s both a burden and a blessing to feel everything as deeply as I do.”

““Tips and Tricks” If the movies scare me, walk out and sit with me. If I can’t sleep, don’t stay up with me. It makes me feel worse for keeping you up too. If I don’t want to touch people, back me up. Don’t make me fight the world off by myself. If I need to hold your hand to feel safe, let me. Don’t make a big deal about it. If you eat foods that trigger me, don’t encourage me to try them. Don’t make me explain in gross detail how it makes me feel before you’ll back off. If I tell you no, listen to me. Even if it’s something tiny. Listen. If I’m okay with something one day, and not the next, don’t point it out. I know I did the thing yesterday. I’m not dumb. If I freak out over something, remember I’m still healing, and be patient. I will apologize and try to make it better when I stop panicking. If I cancel plans to be alone in my room, don’t be mad at me. Whatever has made me need to stay in is definitely not something I would choose over time with you voluntarily. If I cry, let me cry. Sometimes I need to. Don’t ask about it later. I’ll talk about it if I can or want to. If I worry about you leaving me, don’t think you did anything wrong. You didn’t, I’m just paranoid. It happens. If I get better, be proud of me. I am working very hard to be good.”

“I’ve taken up drugs the way you’ve taken up every inch of my head and I’ve taken up drugs the way you’ve taken up slurring her name in your sleep. If my veins are fucked up and filled with something I bought on the street in the middle of the night then maybe it won’t be so bad when I start bleeding again. If I’m gone, you’re not. If I’m not trapped between my own bones maybe I won’t be trapped under your fingertips constantly pressing against me with the poison of missing you etched under your fingernails like dirt. I’ve taken up drugs the way you’ve taken up missing my calls. And if I’m too fucked to remember your number, maybe it won’t hurt as much when you don’t answer.”