pocketful of feels.

my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.

is it even a met gala if you don’t spend the whole evening salty over celebrities who had the means and opportunity to go for some truly innovative beautiful theme-appropriate looks but instead picked the most generic outfits

today marks the 29th anniversary of the halabja chemical attack by saddam hussein, 5,000 were killed in one day. it was the biggest and most fatal usage of chemical weapons in history and it still goes unnoticed. during the whole anfal operation against kurdistan about 200,000 people were killed. we will never forget.

I need this as a t-shirt as “zoologically improbable and/or terrifying to small children” sums me up.

Finally I know what I want inscribed on my tombstone when I die.

I remember the news article, this is the lion that was removed:

THAT IS FUCKING TERRIFYING

OH MY GOD THAT IS HORRIFIC

hahaha

I’M LAUGHING SO HARD OH MY GOD

I can’t remember the last time I actually laughed this hard at something on tumblr. Oh my shit.

ZOO-LOGICALLY IMPROBABLE DOESNT FUCKING COVER IT

I’ve reblogged this before, but not with the lion attached. OH GOD THAT LION

This reminds me of that meme cat that’s like “how you feel when you’re wearing socks and step in water” that I spent 15 minutes trying to find a picture of on the internet but cannot.  

JESUS FUCKING CHRISTMAS WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DEMONIC MUPPET

Taxiderpy

What the fuck are they doing to there animals?

It’s like someone wrapped the fur around a fucking coffee table.