goodbye my moonlight

My two biggest sources are Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon (TME author with TMA consultants) and Fucking Trans Women by Mira Bellwether (trans woman).

Moon's book is a chunky piece (388 pages!) about pretty much all aspects of lesbian sex (physical, social, technical...) and makes it a point to include a ton of stuff for perisex trans women and intersex people, detailing tons of anatomical facts and techniques that aren't just for perisex afab people.

Bellwether's piece is a zine so less content and nothing about intersex bodies, but it is wonderful at demystifying the transfeminine body, making our bodies ours and not for others' consumption, giving transfems ways to talk about what they want from sex without feeling like a burden for it, and providing very straight-on descriptions of the many ways and tons of techniques for fucking trans women.

Moon's book is on sale, Bellwether's zine is available for free in the provided link.

Sometimes when an action makes NO sense to us ("he's like a stupid alien"), it's bc we are not understanding its true motivation/purpouse. If his goal was control, financial pressure and limiting her options due to lack of funds, it makes perfect sensie to buy the truck.

This is classic abuser behavior: maneuver the partner into a situation where they feel trapped and cannot escape. The timing on this is too perfect; he saw her gaining agency & power in the relationship and moved to short circuit that.

I am SO GLAD she got out.

If this happens to you, try reaching out to friends & family first. Chances are they've been watching your situation and are aching to help, but have felt powerless. I can't tell you how many times I've watched this scenario unfold. Ask. For. Help. Nobody will judge you, and they're probably waiting for you to make a move. People notice abuse and want to help.

if you feel truly alone, start out with some free online resources.

Like last week, I had to mail a package and my local USPS was absolutely SWEALTERING. And the staff only had a few fans, some of which they were using faced towards customers, to try and keep us cool.

While doing my transaction, I was chatting with the worker about how crazy this was and how I hoped she had her own fan too, because I could only see the customer-benefit ones. She said yes, but I also asked if there was anyone I could complain to on her behalf and she immediately said yes again and to please do it! She wrote a more direct customer service number on my receipt which I was able to call Friday.

To be clear, I was kind and polite; I stressed how good the workers at this office were and how efficient always: "It's my local post office," but also how unbearable the heat was and how I couldn't imagine MY poor local staff having to suffer in that heat all day. I don't know yet if it will have an immediate effect for the workers, I hope it will though.

If we need someone to do a job, that job is a role in the community and deserves not just a salary but cultural respect for the role.

"high" ambition jobs are all jobs that involve domineering and controlling others. "low" ambition jobs are all jobs that involve service to others. Have you noticed? Because I have noticed.

is actually more needed

than controlling them.

dishes

- wash at least one dish every day. could be a single fork. just do one. at absolute worst this means you're regularly running clean hot soapy water through the heap of backed up dishes in the sink.

- any time you have to wash a plate or utensil because you're out of clean ones, wash two of them. need a knife? wash two knives. need your only baking sheet? wash a cup too.

clutter

- overwhelmed by clutter? take out the bins and do laundry. it's very difficult to organise a space when it's full, and trash and dirty clothes take up a lot of space both physically and mentally. emptying bins makes room for the whole cycle to move.

- those little boxes and containers advertised for ADHD really do work, even if you don't have ADHD. they let you move surface clutter around even if you don't have time to sort and clear it. you can quickly box up the craft project that's been taking up your desk for two weeks, clean the surface, and put everything back.

- on that note @3liza clued me in to the power of a simple wicker basket a decade ago and it changed my life. this isn't a desk tidy, this is a medium to large box or basket without a lid that you can comfortably carry in two hands (doesn't have to be wicker). personally I like a collapsible one so I'm not tempted to fill it with stuff when it's not in use. the point of it is collecting and carrying.

- instead of taking on individual sidequests for every item in an overcluttered room, walk through with your simple wicker basket and collect everything that has to go in the kitchen. take it to the kitchen, put it away. then collect everything for the bedroom. take it to the bedroom, put it away. it's your sifter, your filter, your best friend. this is but one use of the simple wicker basket.

trash

- differentiate in your head between dry trash and wet trash. dry trash is paper, plastic wrappers, packing foam, scrap fabric, dried up pens. 'shelf stable' trash, if you like. nothing likely to leak or rot. this can be collected in small lined wastepaper size bins around the house – one in every room honestly isn't overkill. you only have to empty these when they reach the top of the container.

- wet trash is food waste, soiled or greasy food wrappers, empty bottles, sanitary products, used medication ampoules, anything contaminated by mould or pest damage, etc. the yucky stuff. this goes in a single, large, lined bin with a lid, in a central part of the house (probably the kitchen). Empty this every 3-4 days or as soon as it reaches the top of the container. it won't fill up as fast without dry trash bulking it up, and disposing of it in small amounts regularly keeps the place feeling fresh. importantly it also means the gross stuff is contained in one place, not wearing on your peripheral attention day after day making you feel bad.

generally

- everything I said about clutter and surfaces above also works for floors. you can take stuff off the floor, vacuum, and then dump that shit right back where it was. you don't have to wait for one glorious day when you have the energy to do everything.

- the longer something goes untouched, the worse it gets psychologically. if a particular area of mess is especially upsetting or daunting to you, agitate it. pick up just one thing. dust around it. divide it in two. do anything you can bear that gets you to engage with it and handle it. it's manageable. you'll get there.

i love annie shapiro and her not having any filter "sorry i had to go use the restroom, i was peeing myself" and her nerdy excitment to get to learn from grace

i love olesya ilyukhina, her bravery and childlike innocense, hugging the earth's dicatator like nothing, taking her teddy bear to a suicide mission, and literally sacrificing her life for humanity without a second thought

i loved dr. lokken's pride and her beef with grace about his theory

i love eva stratt and her love for humaity being so big that she had to destroy herself to give humanity a real chance to have a future