gaze drops once more to the floor at the sound of magnus’ laughter and the sarcasm drenched words that followed. it was foolish to think his promises meant anything to him any longer, magnus had been nothing if not crystal clear on that, and yet he had hoped. still he had allowed himself to hope that he could somehow change all this still. lips press together painfully in an attempt to stop the fresh wave of desperate tears from splashing against his cheeks, pleading gaze lifting to meet magnus’.
panic begins to swell within his chest at the seething hatred buried within magnus’ eyes, lips parting as though to plead once more. to tell him that if he just listened, he’d understand that this was not all some set up. some trap he had laid with the intention of ensnaring magnus. but the words freeze within his throat as magnus’ anger manifests, flinching away as his things clattered against the floor, heart all but stopping in his chest, entire body tensing with the aggression magnus was displaying, fingers curling against his palm, digging deep into his skin. an anchor, something to remind him where he was.
he knew what came next. he knew and yet still he stayed frozen at his knees, forcing himself to breathe, though it stutters harshly in his throat as the other continues his tirade, eyes squeezing closed for a moment against the memories and the nausea rising. eyes opening at magnus’ question, panic threatening to suffocate him. “ anything. ” word is weak as it leaves his lips, defeat palpable in the air around him. heart races within his chest, breath hitching the moment magnus’ hands lift, eyes slamming closed in anticipation; as though that would somehow help him. but the touch to his cheeks is softer than he’d expected, shoulders slumping now as he releases the breath he had not realised he was holding.
“ magnus, please. ” slowly blinking his eyes open, one hand uncurling, ignoring the pain his nails had left as he lifts it, fingers touching tentatively against magnus’ wrist. “ please just listen to me. whatever they told you i did ? it’s – it’s a lie okay ? it’s a lie. ” he tries to put some strength behind his words, but the break in his voice is enough to tell anyone just how desperate he was. “ they lied to me too. ” tearful gaze studies magnus carefully, brows knitting together as he attempts to string his words together. “ they told me – they told me – ” squeezing his eyes closed again, head dipping. “ they told me you were dead, magnus. they told me that it was my fault. ” words breathed quietly now, eyes remaining closed. “ please. please believe me. i – i’m begging you magnus. ”
he has him in his hands . one small movement and he’d be gone , dealt with , silenced forever . it should be an EASY thing for him to do by now ; he’s killed so many with such little thought , and floyd has really , really , pissed him off . but there’s something in floyd that still PULLS to him ; a weakness that he cannot get rid of no matter how hard he tries , and that leaves him practically powerless .
looking at him ruins him , but he can no longer bring himself to look away . the desperation in his eyes is on another level --- far more intense than men he’s seen begging for their lives , and yet ... it seems like his life is the last thing he wants . the empty takeaway boxes , the empty alcohol bottles strewn everywhere , the state he was in last night ... this isn’t a man who was living , who WANTED to live , anyway . something has ruined him , taken away his spirit ... ( much like what’s happened with him , really , though he’ll struggle to admit it ) but ... what ?
he remains quiet as he attempts to make sense of his words , hands still clutching onto his face , though his entire body goes completely rigid at the feeling of floyd’s fingers on his skin . a lie ? surely this had to be the lie ? this game , this PERFORMANCE ? yes , he’s struggling to see why he’d accept a job such as this , why he’d let his ego be crushed and destroyed by acting so ... helpless , but surely ... surely this just had to be another assignment ? just like the one from before ? surely this had to be an act ?
still , his own beliefs are faltering , brows furrowed as he all but stares at him , pleading with him with his own eyes to just somehow make this all make sense . but then comes the words he never expected to hear . they’d told him he was dead ?
he wants to laugh it off . roll his eyes , push him back against the ground , make some SPIEL about how clever this all was , despite how able he is to see through it . but when he glances around the room again , taking it all in properly ; the destruction , the mess , the sheer sight of a man living in some kind of void ... a fresh kind of weight starts to dig into his heart . his mind flashes back to the night previous ; floyd’s continuous nonsensical rambles , references to him being a ghost , how he didn’t want him to leave again , the SHOCK in his eyes whenever he touched him . and then the ring on his nightstand that he lost the last time he saw him . none of it makes sense , but neither does the fact that floyd’s employers still haven’t come for him despite him being in this flat for an entire night . he’s still staring at him , but he’s not able to see him as clearly now ; tears flooding his vision .
“ they told you i was dead . ” he whispers , but he’s not looking for confirmation ; he’s just trying to process the words for himself . the weight on his heart is heavier now , and its spreading to his chest , his throat , making it difficult for him to breathe . his eyes search his , tears now falling , fingers trembling against his skin as he CLUTCHES onto him . “ they told me that this we were a lie . that you were assigned to make me fall in love with you . you were a test that i FAILED . ” but this was one that he’s failed all on his own .
his hands drop , but he doesn’t leave him ; forehead inching forwards as it presses up against his , eyes shutting as he all but leans against him . “ they lied to both of us . and i ... i did this . ” chest is so tight now , hands fully shaking as they hang limp at his sides , away from any further damage they could cause . “ i’m ... so sorry . ”