On Wednesdays We Post Ladrien

“Sometimes,” he said. “But I used to be able to ignore it. My father was… he had high expectations, and I didn’t want to disappoint him.”

“He pushed you a lot.”

“Yeah… I guess I didn’t realize how traumatic modeling has become for me.” Adrien lowered his gaze. “I didn’t realize how traumatic a lot of things have become for me, but if I don’t help out with Marinette’s company in some way, I don’t know what else to do to feel useful. I don’t really have any other skills, and I already feel like I’m a burden.”

“Have you given much thought to what you’d like to do in the future?” his therapist asked.

“Not really.” Adrien returned to scribbling.

“Being around people who have such strong identities and aspirations can be intimidating when you don’t know what you want, and you’re in a relationship with a teenage fashion designer and living with her parents who are professional bakers. We all have to find our place in the world and decide what we want.”

“I don’t even know where to begin,” Adrien said.

“Let’s start with your old hobbies. You can decide which ones you still enjoy, and then we can figure out what you enjoy about them. Once we know that, we can look at options that fit that same role.”

Adrien pursed his lips. “O-kay?” He took a moment to consider it. “Well, I still like video games, and I did a lot of reading when I was in the hospital. Basketball is still fun when I can play it with other people. Karate was useful, I guess, and Chinese has come in handy a few times…”

“What about fencing?” she asked.

Adrien drummed his fingers. “I don’t know.”

His therapist clicked her pen and flipped her notepad closed. “Let’s go on a field trip.”

Adrien tilted his head to the side but didn’t question further. He followed her quietly from the office to the bus stop, then onto the bus. Despite the anxiety of having no idea where they were going, Adrien did his best not to fidget on the ride. His bouncing leg debacle taught him he wasn’t as good at masking his unease as he thought, a shortcoming he hoped to rectify.

After several stops, she finally stood up and gestured for Adrien to follow. They got off the bus and walked two blocks to a part of town Adrien recognized. They were approaching Kagami’s house. His therapist rang the buzzer at the gate, and after a moment, the automated system clanked to life.

“Do you know where we are?” she asked.

“This is the Tsurugi’s home.” But why had they come here?

The front door opened on its own when they approached, and Adrien’s eyebrows raised when they walked into the foyer to find a long mat stretched across the room. Kagami was dressed in her red lamé, bending her saber, and she trained those deep, discerning eyes on him as the doors shut behind them.

“Thank you for agreeing to this, Kagami,” his therapist said.

“It’s been a long time since we’ve had the pleasure of dueling one another. My opponents leave me wanting these days,” Kagami said.

“I haven’t practiced in months.” Adrien pointed out.

“Then it’s been a long time since I’ve had the pleasure of beating you.” Kagami smirked. “There’s clothes and a saber for you in the bathroom.”

His therapist took a seat and opened her notes again. “Let’s see what you really think of fencing.”

Adrien swallowed hard and rubbed his palms on his jeans as he made his way to the bathroom. He mentally walked through several moves as he got dressed and stretched his arms, but he still had a bad feeling about fencing Kagami after so long without practice. She was going to destroy him.

He wasn’t wrong. The moment their bout started, Kagami’s attacks came in fast and hard, and in a matter of seconds, the tip of Kagami’s saber poked his chest.

“I thought you’d be rusty, but I didn’t think you’d perform so abysmally,” Kagami said.

“Positive feedback, Kagami,” Adrien’s therapist chided.

Kagami sighed and resumed her stance. “Focus and try harder this time. You’re capable of holding your own against me.”

“Think about how you feel while you’re fencing, Adrien. What do you like about it? What do you not like about it? Is it something you want to continue?” his therapist coached.

Adrien took a deep breath and resumed his stance, managing to block and parry Kagami’s first few strikes. Even still, it wasn’t long before she overtook him again and knocked him flat on his back. As he stared up at the ceiling, he couldn’t help but wonder if this particular method was effective. Getting his butt kicked repeatedly wasn’t doing much for his already fragile confidence.

Climbing back to his feet, Adrien took a deep breath and focused on the questions his therapist had asked. Did he even like fencing? He was good at it, or at least, he used to be…

Knowing how to do something and wanting to do something are two different things.

Adrien took initiative on the next bout, taking the first lunge, but Kagami parried him easily. She moved with a precision Adrien had lost, and she scored another point on him nearly effortlessly. His heart hammered as he reset his position, his hands beginning to shake. He’d never performed so poorly before. If he didn’t win, then… If he didn’t win, then…What exactly?

Everyone would be disappointed.

Or would they? His father wasn’t around anymore. Marinette could never be disappointed in him. Kagami might be, but Kagami was often disappointed in a lot of things. His therapist? Wasn’t the whole point of this exercise to figure out if he actually liked fencing? If he didn’t like it, they could just cross it off the list. But did he like it?

Adrien shook himself before readying for their next set. His mind worked through every step, eyes looking for the holes in her guard with each movement, then finally, he spotted it. His saber sliced through the opening, touching her chest. They took a few steps back, and Adrien lifted his helmet to flash her a smug grin.

“I haven’t practiced in months, but I still scored a point on you. Maybe I’m not the only one who’s been slacking on their training,” he said.

“Need I remind you, I still lead by three points,” Kagami said pointedly.

“Not for long.” Adrien lowered his helmet.

In the end, he was all talk as Kagami brutally defeated him, but somehow, he was okay with it. It was the first time he’d ever really had fun while fencing. Marinette arrived to pick him up, her eyes shining as he removed his helmet to kiss her.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you in your fencing gear. You’re so cute!” she giggled. “How did you do?”

“He got his butt kicked,” Kagami said.

“Are you okay with that?” Marinette asked.

Adrien pursed his lips and shrugged. “Yeah.”

Marinette wrapped her arms around his neck, stretching up to kiss his cheek. “I’m proud of you. It’s nice to see the light back in your eyes.”

“So, what’s the verdict?” his therapist asked.

Adrien considered it, then said, “Fencing is physically and mentally engaging, and there were times that I found it really stress relieving. I think it’s fun as a hobby, but I don’t see myself wanting to compete ever again.”

“It’s a shame, considering you were the only person who could ever hold their own against me, but given how far your skills have fallen, it’s probably for the best,” Kagami said. She removed her gloves and offered him a hand to shake. “Though, should you ever want to spar for fun, I suppose I could go easy on you.”

Adrien accepted her hand with a smile.

“I think those terms are perfectly acceptable,” his therapist said. “Are there any other old hobbies you can think of that you might want to explore next time?”

Adrien trailed his thumb over his ring finger, picturing the view of Paris from above as he leapt from roof to roof. Grey eyes stopped him in his tracks, and he shook his head.