TRASH DUMP

Get ready for dis wisdom

1.) Put a fucking pillow under your ass. Raise that hole up. A butt hole isn’t a vagina, you gotta help that dick reach it.

2.) Missionary is your friend. Start on your back and then you can be adventurous and do dick cartwheels or whatever crazy karma sutra shit you wanna try.

3.) Distraction is fucking key. If you’re not ready to go full throttle dick plunge make your man be sneaky. Lick his ear, have him twist your titties. Idk wharever you’re into but FORGET about a sausage slamming into twizzler hole and let the gates open up by themselves.

4.) Dry dicks = rug burn inside your ass. wetter is better

5.) For fucks sakes take a giant shit before you get into bed. I don’t care how much you don’t think you’ll poop on his dick. You’re gonna poop on that dick. Porn is a lie.

6.) Once the dick is in, don’t feel like you gotta be fancy. Your butt hole isn’t Pink Floyd. It doesn’t need a light show. You can’t start out with all these magic tricks or your butt hole will GIVE UP. It can NOT sustain 30 minutes of pile driving while also doing kegels. RELAX YOUR FUCKING BUTT HOLE

7.) So you’re doing gr8. The dick is in. The poop is absent. Your butt hole isn’t trying to be a fucking gymnast. It’s time for the party tricks: 

- Sit on the dick WITH him also sitting up straight. Don’t let that fucker lay down. This is BUSINESS. When you are sitting ontop of him, you have complete control. Squeeze your entire body and push yourself UP AND AGAINST boy whose dick is inside of you. It is important that you push yourself up AND AGAINST said boy or his dick is gonna knock that spot that makes you wanna end it all. I don’t care what Harry Potter fan fic you read, a prostate isn’t a fucking clitoris. You can’t just bang that shit head on and expect to feel like your jizzing. It’s called a PROstate because you gotta leave that shit to the professionals. 

- Try doggy style while pushing back when he pushes forward. It makes him think you’re enjoying his dick ripping your beautiful ass hole into a gaping black hole. Also, squeeze like a mother fucker when pulling off the dick. Push back, squeeze forward. Got it? Great

8.) Okay so you’ve tried out some weird shit, you’re getting close to him popping his load. DON’T get fancy here. You had your chance, the time has past. It’s time to stay fucking put and squeeze that asshole until he is done. You don’t have all fucking day. You’re a busy bitch. Hurry that bitch up. 

9.) Don’t let that fucker cum in your asshole unless you are prepared to shit it out. NOBODY TELLS YOU WHAT SEMEN DIARRHEA IS GONNA BE LIKE. IT’S LOUD AND FULL OF PAIN. Tops are demons, don’t let them sin inside you.

SO. Uh…*fidgets nervously* w-would anyone like some smUT

This was started bc Hachi mentioned they wouldn’t mind knowing what exactly Marco was doing in that ten minute stint in the bathroom in ch. 9 of Searching For Superman and well I sort of…obliged. They are the biggest enabler known to man but smut is smut and if y’all thirsty I’m deliverin

So yes, this falls in the SFS timeline on ch. 9, where Marco is drunk and horny and a lil bit sad. Ehe.

I always think my smut fails amazingly but hey let’s see how it goes. Put it under a readmore cus, y’know, nsfw and all that hoopla~

For Hachi. Cus they’re a fuckin enabler and they know it. But I started this to cheer em up so…tadaaaa *shot* +++

these are Marco’s thighs

they are probably the thickest pair of thighs in all of snk (yes, I know it’s great but lets stay focused here) you can also see how narrow his leg gets right before the knee, implying that this impressive watermelon crushing thickness is muscle rather than fat

then we have this scene

Marco landing very cleanly with a bounce, rather than taking the time to propel all the way down. Marco reveals in the manga that he views himself as slow.

Armin and Marco go clothes shopping and Armin gets the fun idea to send Marco’s boyfriend some pics.

My best friends headcanon is that Marco and Armin are always the responsible ones but when they’re together they enjoy causing mischief (especially against their boyfriends). 

wow okay the last one hurt me inside but i sTAND BY MY WORD I’M GONNA SHARE TRIVIA WITH Y’ALL AND IT’LL BE HAPPY AND GREAT

s-so here’s 25 trivia for ghost story, here there be monsters, and the two years between them. includes spoilers!

I love AUs, and I loove me some cool tattoos, and I loooooove this hella rad design oxytrezart has made for Marco!

Save a horse, ride a cowboy? Except Jean is a horse…

Hello, I am trash.