Today I got the urge to write another post. So here I am. I don’t know where I’m going but follow me and we’ll figure it out together.
Recently, I’ve been feeling a little better than when I wrote my last post. I know that was months ago but well time changed some things for me.
For one thing, work is much better. I finished training in my second tier of Teletype and I like the team I work with. The recent downside is that my best friend no longer works on the shift I do...instead she works on the complete opposite side. So I am not sure we will have time to see each other ...ever. And that kinda stings. But other than that, I am happy with work for the most part. There’s a few things I could mention or complain about that I won’t.
Emotionally...I’ve felt more at ease. I guess I’ve settled in to the loneliness again. That’s probably why. When I wrote my last post, I had been getting over you. A breakup I didn’t think I’d ever have to endure because I thought if nothing else we’d be friends. And now we’re nothing at all. But I realize, the only thing I’ve ever been and might ever be is lonely. And while that may sound sad, its actually not that bad.
Physically, I’m not the best. Mostly cause I’ve gained weight like crazy since switching back to night shift. And speaking of night shift, it also affects me in tiredness and emotionalness too. So yeah, I guess that’s a complaint I have.
But I’ve (semi-)recently met someone online. Yet this person, as they all always do, feels different. It’s been such a pleasure getting to know him. But, and this is my mistake again, he’s not here in my state. BUT at least he’s in the US this time. I feel myself getting used to having him around, but trying really hard not to rely on him. Not for my self-worth, not for my confidence, not for my comfort, not for my safety, and not for my missing part of me. I hope this time it’s different. But you can never be sure.
At [or around] the same time I met that guy...another guy and I met online too. He was local and offered me part of what I craved. We hung out a few times. But what he craved...I was uncomfortable giving him. After a scary and uncomfortable night, I knew I couldn’t hang out with him anymore. And I ended whatever we had started to develop last week. Which was not sad, but well, disappointing I guess you could say.
I’m getting ready to celebrate my first holiday season in my new condo. And while I’m thankful for this year and God’s blessings ... there are things I wanted this year for myself that I did not achieve or they just didn’t happen. I learned a lot of hard lessons and I’m ready to start again next year.
Until next time. <3
