Heartbroken
I’m so sad! Recently I’ve been suffering a lot from severe anxiety about lots of things, travelling to the SPG gig in Lincoln being a big one to because I would have been going on my own with no one around that I knew. The fear of becoming overwhelmed and having a sensory overload right in the middle of the festival was huge.
Also it turns out that I’ve gotten some sort of weird viral thing that’s meant my legs and feet are covered in big red blotches from burst blood vessels (made worse by the stupid anxiety), and while my kidneys are functioning normally they seem to be leaking a tiny, minuscule bit of of blood. So I have to stay at home in order to go to the doctors on Friday next week in order to have my vitals checked to make sure I’m ok. It’s crap because I don’t feel unwell, but it’s something that could get very serious so I have to be monitored.
Before I found this out though I made the decision to not go to the SPG gig. Mum was over to help me paint the flat and it ended with me and her sat on the hallway floor while I cried my heart out :P
Realised that this trip and being in big crowds, a lot of noise was just going to be too much. I wasn’t actually able to look forward to the gig because everything about getting there was making me panic so much that I was making myself ill.
So I’ve gotten a refund on my accommodation, sold my weekend wristband and now trying to find a buyer for my SPG ticket and then get a refund on my train ticket.
I wanted to see SPG live so badly, but I know that I would have just been too overwhelmed by the travelling, staying somewhere I don’t know, the people and then the show itself that I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy it.
Sure the whole thing will be a success though and SPG will be back in the UK someday in the future :)
Oh. *hugs* I’m so sorry you have to miss this. Maybe next time someone you know will be able to accompany you and make it easier.
Also, I hope that everything goes well at the doctor’s! Take care, friendo!
I dunno whether this helps at all, but I did the opposite once… went to a strange city, stayed in a hotel, went to a hot and crowded mini-con and boiled and walked and stood for the whole concert and felt like absolute hell the next day instead of happy like I wanted. I didn’t even remember a bunch of the stuff in the concert until they put it out on disc. I’m just saying it’s a right choice, even though it feels awful to miss it. I guess that’s cold comfort but sometimes I find the only comfort is at least not having doubts about whether it was the right choice.
I’ll be fine :) Actually deciding not to go has taken a huge weight of worry off my shoulders and I’m feeling much calmer. It’ll be tough when the day of the gig comes around, but I’m planning a wee overnight stay at a really nice hostel I’ve been to before in Edinburgh instead :)
