Truuuu

I do everything for this girl. EVERYTHING. She’s just using me. I’m so fucking sick of it. I can’t take it. I want her out of my fucking life. Gone. Karma is a bitch. It wasn’t even 3 fucking days and she’s sending this guy nudes. Ahes trying to set up a date and she TELLS ME ABOUT IT. And she has me around babysitting her fucking kid. Doing shit around the house because she’s incapable of doing it. Nah man fuck all of this. I’m going to try to get some sleep and we’re done after this. She literally broke my heart so fucking bad. I will never trust another person on this planet again. She wants me around because I do shit for her and that’s it. She doesn’t give a fuck about me like at all. Actions speak louder than words. I’d give her the world and she spits in my face. I told her she was worth fighting for and I truly meant that. But god damn I have to have some self respect and walk the fuck away from this. This is hurts so bad. I honestly feel like this is the most painful breakup of be been through. I loved her so much but honestly, I lost so much respect for her. She had me do all this shit for her while entertaining other dudes. I’m done. There’s no repairing this. I will never trust her again. Just looking at her I know things have changed. I don’t feel the same. She’s lost me. I was her rock and she threw me away. I won’t save her again.

She’s sleeping next to me as my stoned body cant keep up with my brain as I jump from one thought to another. I honestly feel like I’m in a loveless marriage. I give and give and give so much of myself to her. I do anything she asked and more. I legit bend over backwards for her. We’re just friends? She knows I want more. This is probably the hardest breakup I’ve been through. A breakup with no chance to fix anything. Just like that, done. What makes it’s even worse is I don’t understand what is happening now. She wants to hang out with me like everyday. She wants me to spend the night. She calls me on her lunch break and on her way home from work. Besides showing absolutely no affection towards me, she acts like we never broke up. I don’t understand this. My therapist told me just to go with the flow since I genuinely enjoy being around her but it’s getting kinda hard. I just want to hold her and kiss her and tell her how much she means to me. I told her weeks ago I think she made a mistake about breaking up with me and she told me she didn’t know what to say and shed have to think about it. It was never brought up again. I feel like a fucking idiot begging someone to love me. It has completely destroyed my self esteem. I feel completely worthless and incapable of being loved. I’m just too stoned and sad right now. I feel like I need to start journaling again so I can actually see what I’m feeling.

I lost the love of my life once again. Mental illness is so cruel. It darkened the light of someone who can shine so bright. I have to say goodbye to my best friend, the person I wanted to be with so badly. I hope she finds peace and a way to combat her illness. I loved her with every fiber of my being but sometimes love isn’t enough.