Give me back the Dapper.

someone once threatened to “put my bones in chronological order” and I think about that. a lot

my favorite video game quest trope is "HELP US, THEY ARE STEALING OUR ANCIENT ARTIFACT. THANK YOU FOR HELPING US, AS A REWARD YOU MAY HAVE OUR ANCIENT ARTIFACT"

the ancient artifact was less important than having agency in its distribution

Nothing is more important than keeping it out of the hands of the British museum

gorgeous gorgeous girls love talking to themselves in their room and living out their silly little scenarios until they realise they are exhibiting serious signs of mental illness

imagine a rat using an airpod as a cane . imagine that

i’m thinking about it

Every person on the planet should see this

apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office

*an unexpected crunch while eating* huh. must be the cyanide capsule I keep in my tooth in case the Soviets start asking questions.

A depawsit