pickle time

the impulse to hide what I'm doing at my computer still sits so deep even tho I'm literally never looking at anything objectionable , the door will open and I'll hurry to close the page like oh fuck no one can know I'm looking at the Wikipedia page for the Balkans

Enemies-to-lovers, but instead of featuring a villain redemption arc, the heroic one is getting progressively more corrupt, unhinged and fucked up, and the one who was originally the clear-cut villain out of the two is just like "well mark me down as scared and horny"

i love this guy 60% of every video is him rolling around on the floor screaming while his camera guy goes “hey….. u ok?” then 5 minutes later he gets up and is like “ok folks, there u have it, the Satan DeathRay Fire Monster actually does cause pain when it bites u. science is great”

his name is Whole Roasted Chicken

These leafdogs soothe my soul

this is the highest level of wizard

a President makes a new law that anyone shorter than him gets executed but he accidentally makes it an amendment to the constitution so it applies to future presidents too, in the next elections theres a frenzy of people voting for the shortest president so they dont die and this is how they end up electing a 3 foot tall man named Pinwheel Patrick who goes on to become the most tyrannical dictator the world has ever seen

your late twenties is like one of your friends is getting promoted, one of your friends is binge-watching an early 2000′s tv show, one of your friends is moving away, one of your friends is moving home, one just graduated, one just dropped out, one spends all day in bed, at least three of them are getting into crystals and alternative medicine, one of them is changing careers, one of them still “doesn’t know what they want to do with their life” and talks about starting a podcast, one of them is on sabbatical, and everyone’s tummy hurts but they’re being so brave about it

Thank you.

For those who would ever need it. -C

reblogging here because i can see this being relevant to anyone who’s ever tried to get out of an abusive relationship

Reblogging because that last comment made me reread the whole thing in a new light and realize this could be vital information. So, putting it out there for everyone, and hoping no one ever really needs it.

a lot of bad bitches are following me... thank u for ur service