random person doing incorrect quotes

Ulala: *Gives a bouquet to Babat*

Babat: You know I'm allergic.

Ulala: That's the point.

*Ulala and Aki playing minecraft*

Ulala: Oh no, oh no, oh no-

Aki: What’s wrong?

Ulala: I did a thing.

Aki: You regret the thing you dID-

Ulala: *screams*

Aki: What the fuck did you do- *sees mass of aggravated Piglin* Damn it-

Ulala: *screams again*

Ulala: You have to apologize to Naim!

Babat: Fine!

Babat: Unfuck you, or whatever!

Abe Domo: Murder literally doesn’t hurt anyone!

Aki: What are you talking about? Of course—

Panda, holding out a hand to shut Aki up: No, no, they have a point—

*Ulala is fighting a monster*

Semut: Just stay calm! You already have everything you need to beat it!

Ulala: The power to believe in myself!?

Semut: No, a knife! Stab it!

Pian: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.

Semut: What changed your mind?

Pian: Oh, now I know that you’re a fake bitch. Why do you ask?

Fluffie: Panda, what do you call people you go out with but don’t try to sleep with?

Toro: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

Pok ro: Strong.

Nurul: Weak.

Ryan: An idiot, is what your are.

Ryan: We call that a traumatic experience.

Ryan, turning to Toro: Not a "bruh moment".

Ryan, turning to Pok ro: Not "sadge".

Ryan, turning to Nurul: And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

Nurul: Pok ro, we're hungry!

Ryan: Pok ro! What's for dinner?

Toro: We're hungry, Pok ro!

Pok ro, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*

Pok ro: We need to distract these guys.

Nurul: Leave it to me.

Nurul: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

Toro & Ryan: *immediately begin arguing*

Toro: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.

Ryan: The cow??

Toro: What?

Pok ro: Ryan, W H Y?

Nurul: So, everyone, what does a story NEED?

Pok ro: A character!

Toro: A setting!

Ryan, a gleam in their eyes, in a near-whisper: REVENGE.

Nurul: We might have gotten into a bar room brawl back in the city.

Pok ro: Well, that was entirely predictable.

Nurul: One of them punched a gang member.

Pok ro: Toro?

Nurul: Ryan, actually.

Pok ro: Oh, that was going to be my second guess.

Nurul: You're smiling. What happened?

Toro: What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it?

Pok ro: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, and wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Toro: That's deep.

Nurul: That means that ketchup is a smoothie.

Toro: That's deeper.

Ryan: ...You guys are idiots.

Toro: Why do you act like we’re three year olds?

Pok ro, exasperated: WHY?!?

Pok ro points at Ryan: YOU TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR!

Pok ro points at Nurul: YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK!

Pok ro points at Toro: AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND!

Pok ro: AND YOU ASK ME WHY????

Pok ro: What's worse than a heartbreak?

Toro: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging.

Nurul: Waking up in the morning.

Ryan: Waking up.

Toro: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?

Ryan: *crouches down*

Pok ro: *kneels down*

Nurul: *sits on the floor*

Toro:

Toro: I hate all of you.

Pok ro: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.

Ryan: You are my reward.

*meanwhile*

Toro: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.

Naim: I lost Bawang.

Junior: How did you LOSE Bawang?!

Naim: To be fair, they are very small.

Kakyong: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.

Babat: You mean you stabbed them?

Kakyong: They ran into my knife.

Dayang: What are you writing?

Jamal: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information.

Fluffie, looking over Jamal's shoulder: This just says 'fuck around and find out' in calligraphy.

Meera: Maybe the real monster was the friends we both literally and figuratively murdered along the way.

Mazzhenah: What’s sexting?

Naim: I'm not having this conversation with you.

Dayang: We all have our demons.

Dayang, grabbing Panda: This one’s mine.

Abe Domo: Hey.

Malluffy: Hey?

Abe Domo: I can't sleep. :/

Malluffy: I can. Goodnight.

Dayang: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka.

Aki, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?

Meera: *half asleep* Aki, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it’s for *gestures vaguely to themself* the Queen.

Mazzhenah: Sometimes I talk to myself for no reason.

Mazzhenah: Me too!

Alif, to Panda: How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?

Mazzhenah: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Kakyong: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Abe Domo: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

Alif: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

Pian: You've been given a new job to do, but I'm worried it might make you angry.

Abe Domo: Just say it quick, like ripping off a band-aid.

Pian: You have to teach Junior how to drive.

Abe Domo: ...put the band-aid back on.

Aki: Ulala and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us.

Meera: What did you do?

Aki: They chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and-

Ulala: There's nothing to do....

Babat: You can wash the dishes you promised to wash about a week ago.

Ulala: *pulls out their phone* Nevermind.

Abe Domo, T-posing in the doorway: Greetings, Panda.

Panda, not looking up from their coffee: Good morning, problem child.

Ulala: I will send my army to attack!

Ulala: *releases a dumpster of raccoons*

Fluffie: I’m totally useless.

Panda: You’re not totally useless.

Panda: You can be used as a bad example.

Naim: Dammit, you ruin everything!

Malluffy: You're welcome.

Naim: Nice rock.

Kakyong: Thanks, Fluffie gave it to me.

Fluffie: I threw it at you!

Kakyong: Aren't they the sweetest?

Fluffie: I hope they've calmed down...

Ulala: Shut the fuck up you annoying ass pig.

Babat: Yeah, I don’t like people.

Hanif: Oh, well now that’s not fair Babat. Have you met all of them?

Zoux: There are three chairs and five kids. What do you do?

Meera: Get two more chairs.

Aki: Cut each chair in half to make six.

Kak Yong: Make them FIGHT for their seats!

Fluffie: I would never be near children.

Panda: Get rid of two kids.

Aki: Bye Panda! Bye Meera! Bye Zoux! Bye Kak Yong! Bye Panda!

Fluffie: You said ‘bye Panda’ twice.

Aki: I like Panda.

Aki: *dies*

Kak Yong: Timer starts now! When are they coming back? I say two months!

Panda: Bullshit. One month.

Fluffie: Nah, half a month.

Meera, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? AKI JUST DIED!

Zoux, scratching chin in thought: One week.

Meera: The floor is lava!

Kak Yong: *helps Fluffie onto the counter*

Aki: *kicks Panda off the sofa*

Zoux: *lays on the floor*

Meera: ...Are you okay?

Zoux: No.

Kak Yong: We have a problem.

Zoux: Let me guess, you caused it?

Panda: Gimme a sec, I'm not drunk enough to listen to this yet.

Meera: And it's another Tuesday, your point?

Aki: Would shooting you solve this problem? No? Then shut up.

Fluffie: If you're mean the fire, that's our solution to last week's problem.

Aki: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.

Meera: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...

Zoux: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

Panda: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.

Kak Yong: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.

Fluffie: Mental stability, my old friend!

Aki: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

Zoux: A mouse!

Panda, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you.

Kak Yong, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal!

Fluffie, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy.

Meera, gasping: It's Ratatouille!

Aki: His name is Remi, dummy.

Zoux: ...I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window... what is wrong with you people.

Aki: I CAN'T DO IT!

Panda, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

Aki: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Fluffie: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Aki:

Aki: I appreciate it,

Aki: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

Meera: Aki-

Aki: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Zoux: Aki we gotta-

Aki: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Aki: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

Kak Yong: Thanks fam!

Meera: Oh no.

Aki: *cries* I love you too.

Fluffie: Sounds fake, but okay.

Zoux: *A flustered mess*

Panda: Can I get a refund?

Meera: *standing at the top of the stairs* What are y'all doing at the bottom of the staircase?

Zoux: I accidentally fell down.

Kak Yong: PANDA PUSHED ME down the stairs because I refuse to pay THEIR part of our rent!

Fluffie: Zoux bet me fifty bucks that I couldn't reach the bottom of the stairs faster than they did falling down it, so I slide down the banister to get my money.

Aki: I don't know how I got here. One moment, I was sleeping in my bed, three floors up, and then suddenly I was waking up here, just in time to get crushed by Fluffie.

*the Squad at Disneyland, in the teacups*

Kak Yong, Meera, and Aki: *spinning a little and talking*

Panda, Fluffie, and Zoux: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

Meera: Stressed.

Fluffie: Depressed.

Zoux: Possessed.

Aki: Obsessed.

Panda: Impressed.

Kak Yong: Chicken breast.

Everyone: ...What?

Kak Yong: I just wanted to join in.

Aki: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Panda: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Meera: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned.

Fluffie: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Kak Yong: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Zoux: I have emotional scars.

*when a child starts crying in public*

Meera: *tries to make the child laugh*

Panda: *tries to play a game with the child to make them calm down*

Fluffie: *gives detailed instructions to the parents*

Kak Yong: *cries with the child*

Zoux: *ignores the child*

Aki: *is the reason why the child is crying*

Zoux: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?

Panda, watching Meera screaming, Fluffie trying to set a sleeping Aki on fire, and Kak Yong choking on air: I don't know either.

Fluffie: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.

Fluffie: Violently practices.

Zoux: Violently studies.

Kak Yong: Violently sleeps.

Meera: Violently shoots pictures.

Aki: Violently boxes.

Panda: Violently murders people.

Kak Yong: Violently worries about the previous statement.

*The Squad is on the bus, and a child is crying*

Fluffie: *rolls eyes to the sky*

Kak Yong: *makes funny faces to get them to stop*

Meera: *puts their earphones on at 100Fluffie volume*

Zoux: *doesn't mind, doesn't bother*

Aki: *is the reason they're crying*

Kambing: Hey, do you know the password to Ulala’s computer?

Malul: Fuck you, Kambing.

Kambing: Hey!!

Malul: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouKambing".

Kambing: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

Ulala: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?

Malul: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"?

Kambing: Ya know... it might be.

*Malul sneezes*

Ulala: Malul, are you sick? Here, let me wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby!

*Kambing sneezes*

Ulala: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.

Ulala: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Kambing is walking in this room.

Malul: *wheeze*

Malul: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Ulala, used to Malul being dumb: Sure...

Malul: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Ulala: Okay?

Malul: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Ulala:

Malul: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Ulala: Jesus, that one is a little-

Kambing, interested: No, no, Malul, keep going.

Malul: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.

Ulala: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes.

Kambing: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting.

Kambing, whispering to Ulala, who's on the phone with Malul: Ask them something!

Ulala: How are you feeling?

Malul: Fine.

Kambing: Something personal!

Ulala: At what age did you first get your period?

*In the chip aisle at Walmart, doing a late-night grocery run.*

Malul: *Minding their own business, looking for tortilla chips.*

Malul: *Finds tortilla chips.*

Ulala, to Kambing: See, they know what they're here for. They know what they're doing. Be more like them. Make a decision, Kambing!

Malul: Oh Kambing, we have a visitor!

Kambing: Don't tell me it's Ulala.

Malul: It's Ulala.

Ulala: *double checking supplies in the boat* Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen.

Kambing: Hot dog costumes!

Ulala: I’m sorry, what?

Kambing: You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Malul, goes mad with hunger, we’ll put these on. Malul hates hot dogs, so they probably won’t eat us.

Ulala: Are you saying that Malul would rather eat us than hot dogs?

Malul: I do hate hot dogs.

Kambing: What happened to Malul?

Ulala: They died.

Kambing: They what?

Ulala: They died, but they’re okay.

Kambing: …Can you please clarify?

Malul: Clarification is for the weak.

Ulala, watching power lines fall down: Malul, Kambing! The town is exploding and it's very pretty!

Ulala: WHO ATE MY BREAD?!

Ulala: I'M GOING TO FUCKING K-

Malul: I did?

Ulala: Kiss you and buy some more, you haven't been eating anything today Malul.

*walking away*

Malul:

Malul: Their gone Kambing.

Kambing, coming out the closet with bread stuffed in their mouth: Twankh uh!

Malul: Kambing, what are you doing?

Kambing: Making chocolate pudding.

Malul: It's four in the morning, why are you making chocolate pudding?

Kambing: Because I've lost control of my life.

Kambing: Here's your pudding, Ulala.

Ulala: Oh that's okay, I'm not hungry anymore.

Kambing: We need to open this locked door. Malul, give me your credit card.

Malul: Here.

Toro: I'm bored.

Nurul: Wanna commit first degree murder?

Toro: Sure!

Pok ro, hearing them: No- Stop, don't do that! Put that knife down! Put Ryan down!!

Toro: Where's Ryan?

Pok ro: Don't worry, I'll find them.

Pok ro, shouting: Nurul sucks!

Ryan, distantly: Nurul is the best person ever! Fuck you!

Pok ro: Found them.

Nurul: I’m so happy two of my favorite people are getting along now.

Pok ro: Uh, Ryan and Toro are not getting along.

Nurul: They’re not trying to kill each other.

Pok ro: You may have a point.

Ryan: You guys worried about Nurul?

Toro: Totally!

Pok ro: Yeah, they called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"

Ryan: And what'd you say?

Pok ro: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."

Toro:

Pok ro & Toro in the back of Ryan's car: MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!

Nurul: We have food at home.

Ryan: *pulls into the McDonald's drivethrough*

Pok ro & Toro: YAYYYYYY!

Ryan: *orders one black coffee and leaves*

Toro: How would you guys deal with a toxic friend?

Nurul: Tell them how you really feel.

Pok ro: Slowly distance yourself from them.

Ryan: Engage in a 1v1 sword battle and if they lose they have to stop being toxic or pay the price.

Toro, being handed a sword: …well heck.

Pok ro and Toro: *making loud, shouty gorilla sounds at each other*

Nurul:

Ryan, exasperatedly: We have a guest.

Toro: ARE YOU-

Ryan: Fucking.

Toro: KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Ryan: Fucking.

Toro: IDIOT!

Nurul: …What was that?

Ryan: Pok ro banned Toro from swearing, so I’m helping them out.

Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.

Toro, with Ryan and Nurul behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!

Police: Yes…three.

Toro: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?

Police: Wha-