ough

"im fine."

"how much pain are you in?"

arching spine

brows knitting together / grimacing

clenching teeth together

cold sweats

collapsing to knees

covering the hurting area

crying out / screaming / yelping

disorientation / confusion

doubling over / curling in / stumbling

dropping objects

eyesight blurring / blacking out

flinching / jerking

flushing / going pale/ashy

gasping / hissing

going rigid / tensing up

goosebumps

holding breath and sharply exhaling after

inability to speak / babbling incoherently

lightheadedness

lips pulling back, baring teeth

nausea

nostrils flaring

protective posture

rapid blinking

reaching out for something to hold onto to avoid falling

ringing ears

squeezing eyes shut

tears welling / crying

voice cracking

vomiting

Shutting the door behind them and letting out the world’s most exhausted, shakiest breath. Sliding down the wall because they don’t think they can stand for a second longer.

Sprinting to an isolated bathroom to be sick in the second they duck out of sight. Sitting there on the floor heaving alone, unsure if they even have the strength to stand back up afterwards to just get themself water.

who is he to complain, when his kidnapping led to meeting his best friend and soulmate, when it brought him to the love(s) of his life? when he was given a choice, technically, but he was too cowardly and frightened to say yes? when being pinned down and forcibly sedated was for his own good, when it ended up saving his life while the people who were actual heroes rotted in their pods next to him? when stratt was right to do this to him, when she knew he was capable of the mission, and it turns out she was very correct in believing in him? what right does he have to have nightmares about it, to have flashbacks that leave him shaking in terror, to flinch away from needles or medical care, because of something that brought him to the place he's supposed to be? how can he feel frightened of choice, of his no not meaning anything, when clearly having his choice taken from him is for the best? how is that fair? how does that not just reinforce his cowardice, his selfishness, for not willingly agreeing to a near certainly doomed fate?

the answer he comes to is that it's not, he's going to make damn sure that no one knows how weak he is for crying over a choice that he should've made in the first place.

Do you think that he wakes at night in a panic because he still instinctually believes he will die? Does he wake up at night on the flight to Erid, see the medical robot, and everything floods back again? Does Rocky see him have a restless sleep, and not understand just how terrified he is?

Grace scared to let his back be to the open even if it's only him and Rocky on the ship.

Grace having nightmares and night terrors that leave him screaming, flailing, and sobbing for mercy.

Grace rubbing anxiously at the back of his neck or shoulders sometimes because every once in a while, he feels phantom hands pinning him down to the ground.

Grace getting lost in thought - and in memories - that bring tears to his eyes.

Grace thinking that he's unwanted or expendable even if Rocky insists he's not. No, instead, he truly believes that he's not worth anything and it's okay if he dies.

Grace being reckless with his life and his safety because everyone else and everything else "matters more" than him, in his eyes.

Grace startling or even hyperventilating for a second if he doesn't hear Rocky rolling up behind him.

Grace riddled with panic attacks or meltdowns when he remembers something truly visceral about his time on Earth.

Grace with trust issues.

Grace with horrendous self doubt and self deprecating behaviors.

bc the memory exists. he may not have access to it but its in his subconscious. and sometimes when he sleeps he can feel the weight on his back and the hands around his wrists and the dry dying grass in his fingers and his throat feels raw and he wakes up screaming don't do it but he doesnt know why