*tries really hard*

Hi dear tumblr people! I wrote a thing and I quite like it,,

Summary: Time travel, is, well something. Who would've thought that you would get stuck in the 1800's?? Well here you are, part of the Van der Linde gang, ready to face the past.

First chapter can be read as a stand alone chapter. It takes place a few years after Isaac died. The relationship between the reader and Arthur is platonic. Enjoy!!

My dearest Bee,

So I hope these letters- I can’t call them letters if they’re in a book right?- Anyways, I hope these will find you, I hope you’re home, safe. I hope you saw your dog again, I miss her. I have a horse now though! Maybe I’ll name her after you, or just wasp. If I remember correctly you weren’t the biggest fan of wasps. But really, I’m not sure if we timetraveld or were transported to another universe where everything just started like 100 years later, the latter case making it a whole lot harder for you to find this. I just really hope you’ll find this against all odds, because I said I’d write to you if I made it. And I did! I guess. After the whole thing blew up some cowboys found me, I think they call themselves the Van der Linde gang? But yeah, they feed me and gave me a bed for the small price of doing some chores. I’d like to do more though, did you know that the 1800’s are really boring even though you can die at any second? It’s spicy but in the wrong way. I’d like you to know though that it’s not all bad here. People are lovely when they’re not trying to shoot you. You should see a campfire evening- hell any evening- here.

Yours always,

(Y/N)

“(Y/N) get off your lazy ass and do the chores we asked you to do!”

“Mister Morgan! No need to yell, I got it perfectly under control. I was just, taking a break, that's all. Everyone who works all day has the right to take a break.”

“Boy as much as we want it workers are exploited ‘till they fall to the ground face first. You however are not so-” He took a deep breath, closed his eyes before speaking agian. Softer this time than the louder tone he was using first. “get to work, please.”

“Fine fine, but-”

“There better leave something good out of that big mouth of yours.”

“Hey that's just rude! But I want one of you lot to teach me anything. I can’t even ride a horse for Christ's sake.”

“I still don’t get how you can’t kiddo.”

“I told you I lost my memory at the explosion, maybe I lost my skills too.” You said avoiding his piercing gaze. Nothing is better at covering up lies than staring at rocks being sad over the skills you’ve lost.

“And we all know about that blatant lie.” Fuck, maybe rocks aren’t good at covering up.

“It isn’t-”

“Boy I don’t give a damn, you could work on your handwriting though, you’re almost worse than John. But fine, when you’re done with your chores I'll teach you to ride.” He said, finally giving in.

“Yay!” You said while doing little hand clapping motion. “I won’t disappoint, I promise. I’m a fast learner!” You said with smiling eyes

“And how’d you find out you were a fast learner boy?” He spoke out as he raised his eyebrows, just enough for you to feel them piercing right through you, poking at all the holes in your lie. You thought you’d last at least a few months, well here you are, exactly one month deep in this shithole being caught red handed.

“Fuck” Is all you managed to cram out while your eyes lost all their focus. You being back in your own mind instead of the wild world.

It made the silence hard. The only sound that of the other gang members and the birds and the bees to give you something to focus on. It’s so hard out here, no amount of scouts will ever prepare one for the real wild.vIt’s much scarier out here. The real wild is the place where you die if you trip over the wrong rock. The scouts will make sure the rock isn’t even there. Every bird will just put down another rock and god I want the silence broken, just as broken as my lie is.

“I know there’s probably a reason you’re not telling us anything.” Athur said, as he moved closer, his eyes smaller. Like they could see right in his head “You can’t hide forever, not who you are.”

“...”

“Use your words boy”

“I’m sorry, Mister Morgan, I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You’ll figure it out, but first geT your ass back to woRK.” His voice became louder this time, I mean this was the third time he asked. He put his hand on your shoulder, shoving you away from your shared tent towards the hay bales you were supposed to move. A bit harder than anyone in the twenty-first century would’ve done, but for Arthur it was just a friendly push.

“I will, I will mister Morgan!” You said trying to act cheerful. Arthur made a “tsk” sound and waved you off, absolutely done, it seemed. You moved to the hay bales that were still in the wagon, ready to be fed to the horses.

Yeah it’s not big, but that’s not what’s important here. Also it’s only the ones that aren’t horrible! So most of the extremely bad stuff is filtered out!

The order is from my favorites to the ones I don’t like as much, hope you’ll enjoy some of them!

Multi- chapter fics

Just breathe, you idiot  Ao3  4/?, 15K,it’s trans!Jaskier and binding injuries

One shots

You’re the one who got stabbed Ao3 / Tumblr 4,5K, horrible witcher Jaskier and kinda funny

Let me come back Ao3 / Tumblr 1,7K, Jaskier (temporaily) dies and it’s from his perspective. Hurt/comfort.

While procastinating I wrote this! Enjoy

Ao3 link

Summary:

They were just having a peacefull day when bandits attacked the witcher and the bard, and the river Jaskier was washing himself in did not help giving the advantage to them.

Today wasn’t supposed to go this way, he was going to wash himself in the stream, and Geralt was going to sharpen his swords even though Jaskier yelled at him for not wanting to clean up a little bit. And for once he was thankful he didn’t, he had his sword close now, and he needed it. Because despite the fact that they were in the middle of absolutely nowhere, they were under attack, by bandits.

Jaskier was floating on his back when they came, he was telling Geralt, or rather himself while Geralt pretended to listen, about how his new ballad was going to be his next hit and how rich they’ll get off it. He got pulled under the water mid-sentence, he yelped Geralt’s name before his head was submerged too. He could feel the current dragging him and his attacker away, and he struggled to get up again for way longer than he would’ve wanted. The bandit was submerged too so he was definitely able to fight. Only he needed air now. One powerful kick was enough to push him away, just far enough for Jaskier to catch his breath again before he got closer. He screamed as loud as he could while his head was still above the surface:

‘Help me!’

‘Geralt!’

He really hoped they didn’t attack Geralt too bad, he tried to listen and listen but there was nothing. The attacker was coming closer now and there was still nothing. He started trying to push him under again when he heard a far away scream:

‘Jaskier!’

At least Geralt seemed to be doing okay were his thoughts when he was pulled under again, longer this time, the current still dragging them further and further from their camp. Only his attacker needed air too, so when he caught his breath Jaskier did too. The bandit was still trying to hold onto him but he didn’t pay attention for a split second and Jaskier was able to escape his grasp. He tried to get to the riverbank when the bandit let go, to get out of here. He tried to call for Geralt, but this time he didn’t get a response. His attacker followed him and he was almost out of the water when he was grabbed by his hips and-

‘Wrong choice bard.’ The voice was low and rough, and it almost sounded like he was smirking. He was going to kill this man when he got out of here-

if he got out of here.

Before he knew it he was underwater again, only this time he was pressed against the riverbank, with his attacker above the water level, completely being able to breath. Fuck. He doesn’t need to catch his breath anymore.

The bandit’s bigger hands moved to his throat and turned him around while Jaskier kicked and fought, but it was in the vain. He was completely overwhelmed, and the other man was so much stronger than him. His knees pressed into his lower stomach. He tried to fight but with every move his back got pressed further into the ground while he felt his kicks becoming weaker and weaker. Every new move started to hurt more than the last until he was only able to keep his hands on the attachers arm. It was an effort in the vain, the bandit didn’t move and only pressed on his troath harder. He couldn’t keep this up any longer, he tried to fight it but he breathed, underwater. After he did that everything started becoming brighter, like a flash of light. How bad could this be? It’s just a light, like any other light and-

  oh

  nothing

  absolutely nothing

It was like floating in the dead version of space, in the vast emptiness. There was nothing to look at, nothing to see, no stars to light his way, no planets to inhabit, no galaxies to marvel at, no black holes to disturb everything and no thoughts to be heard. They were gone, just like everything else, from now on there’s only floating in the dark nothingness. 

In the absolute nothingness.

Just emptiness and darkness,

no thoughts

no nothing.

‘..skier!’

  Or is there?

‘Jaskier.’

  Let me come back

  ‘Don’t give up’

  Please

  ‘Don’t do this.’

  I don’t want to stay here

 ‘ You still have a ballad to show me.’

  It was all coming back slowly

  ‘Come on’

  He felt a great force on his chest

  ‘Wake up’

  Air fill his lungs

  ‘Please’

  The chest again

  ‘Jaskier.’

  More air in his lungs and-

A lot of fucking pain

He tried to breathe on his own again, but it hurt so much. He coughed right after, and a lot of water came out of his throat, he must have swallowed the entire river he thought. His head hurt so much and every muscle he possessed was aching, but he seemed to be back. He was still barely hanging on to his consciousness, but he was back.

He got out of that darkness.

Everything slowly started to come back, he hand on his back, the grass under him, the fact that he still was covered in water and a man talking to him.

‘Hey, Jaskier, talk to me.’

Sword on the ground next to him, black armour, white hair-

‘Geralt?’

‘I’m here.’ 

‘What happened?’

‘You died.’

‘Oh’ That makes sense

‘I brought you back.’ Everything still hurt and he couldn’t find the words to respond, he was so tired. He felt his eyelids become heavier than they’ve ever been, but he didn’t want to go to sleep. He just got back and Geralt was still with him. That should be enough reason to stay awake right?

‘Sleep, I’ll take care of you.’ He didn’t want to, but he probably didn’t have many choices. His body was tired and he was fighting way to hard to stay awake. He just didn’t want to be alone again, Geralt has to stay. He doesn’t want to wake up alone. He needed to know he wouldn’t be alone again.

‘You’ll be there when I wake up?’ It was the hardest sentence he ever had to say, physically speaking than. It took way to much effort for a man who normally talked all day.

‘Of course. Now sleep, you need it.’ He put his hand on his face and held him close afterwards, and Jaskier just felt everything become heavier and heavier before he doze off. It was nice knowing that Geralt was with him, and it was nice to know he wouldn’t be alone when he woke up. Geralt rarely lied to him and if he started now,

well he would be pretty much done for.

Luckily for him he slept pleasantly, and he actually was there when he woke up.

He woke up in a bed and wearing clean clothes. The fire crackling in the fireplace and the blankets put around him made sure it was nicely warm in the room. Before the fireplace sat a big figure.

‘Geralt?’

‘Yes.’ He got up and started making his way over, and he still didn’t have the energy to sit up straight, so he kept on lying in the bed. Geralt crouched down in front on him and stroked his hair once. After that he put his hand on his head so that his thumb could stroke his hairline.

‘What do you remember?’ He asked, softer than his usual tone. He didn’t remember everything if he was honest, but he was sure Geralt was going to clarify those bits.

‘I remember that I was lying in the water when I got pulled under, the current dragged us away and after a while I tried to get out, but it backfired pretty hard. I got grabbed by my throat and I tired to fight him of, and I’m pretty sure I failed. After that I just remember darkness, and I think I saw you after that but that’s all pretty vague.’

‘That’s a surprising memory for someone who died.’

‘Yes, now what did I miss?’

He let out a sigh. ‘I saw you get pulled under before five other people attacked me, I tried to fight them off quickly and find you. I heard you scream a few times so when I took care of the bandits I ran to you. I found you under water with another bandit over you. I took care of him but you weren’t moving. I got you out and used a tactic Vesemir taught me to bring you back. Luckily you responded.’

‘What was this tactic of yours Geralt? I’m very intrigued.’

‘Three chest compressions to help the heart beat, tilt their head back and breathe for them, also three times. Repeat it until they wake up, or if they won’t.. you need to let them go.’

“Let them go”

Let them die, this was your last resort.

And it saved him

He died, he was pretty sure Geralt told him before but it only hit him now. He drowned by the hands of a bandit and if it wasn’t for Geralt he’d still be in the nothingness. Luckily for him that memory was faded and disoriented, it would be absolutely traumatising if it were clear, but it was still there. 

He was dead.

For a short while he was nothing but a limp body.

And it made him cry.

It took long to process what happened, but now that he did, he realized what it meant. That he was still alive because Geralt knew what to do. And he’s never been as thankful for being able to breathe as he was now. With Geralt holding him while he cried away the shock of what happened. 

‘This is why I didn’t want to clean up.’

‘Shut up you big oaf.’

He was pretty sure he heard a small chuckle, and he just kept on making the worst jokes imaginable.

‘At least you have more material for your next ballad.’

‘Since when did the grumpy witcher become a comedian?’

‘You like my jokes.’

‘I do, but that still doesn’t change anything.’

Aka how to make yourself sad 101

There was a big fight and Jaskier has no reason to be there

They split up on good terms and Geralt needed to fight some big battle

But that idiot showed up and had a knife to his head

And before Geralt can kill the guy he stabs Jaskier in the head

And he's stopped moving

He rushes to Yennefer (with Jaskier body in his arms) begging her to do something

She creates a portal and they put him on the ground while Yennefer works her magic

And thankfully his heart started beating again but he only opened his eyes briefly before falling back asleep

For weeks

Geralt stays with him the whole time so he'll be there when he wakes up

Only when he does something is wrong

He's just looking and barely moving

Geralt asks questions, simple ones and he can see Jaskier understands

But he can't move

He can see him trying to respond but he only can produce low sounds which sound like yes and no

And a lot of not understable gibberish

"Jaskier you're awake"

And he just couldn't respond

The bard who always talked and played the lute was possibly paralyzed

But Geralt wouldn't give up on him

He'd make sure Yennefer would use her magic to accelerate the healing process

But he mostly had to do it by himself

Feed him, make sure he drinks, try to give him back control over his muscles again

And very very slowly it starts to go better

But most days he still had to comfort the almost limp body that once was a bard full of life

He cried a lot while Geralt had to keep strong

And he barely could

One day when Jaskier was asleep he looked at his lute

And he lost it, he found out that witches could cry and stayed like that for a long while

After a while Jaskier was able to move his arm again and for a long time his arms were his only way of communicating kindness

He grabbed Geralt's hand whenever he could, and Geralt took it with both hands

Sometimes he'd place a soft kiss on them, but he'd always look at his eyes

They told him so much

"Don't give up on me"

"I don't want this"

"But I'll keep fighting, just don't leave me"

He'd never leave him of course

After too long Jaskier was able to say one worded sentences

They still didn't sound like Jaskier, but at least he was able to tell him what he needed

"Water" he couldn't say thirsty yet

"Hungry" and he could see how hard it was to get those simple words out

Sentences got longer and longer

"I'm hungry"

"What do you want?"

"Bread"

and the sparkle in his eye when he was able to respond to questions again was the best thing he's seen in a long while

Geralt was so happy when they had their first casual conversation again

He just came back from a contract and Jaskier asked how it went

He told it with as much details as he could remember

"If all I needed to do to get you to tell about your adventures was to get a severe brain injury you should have just told me sooner"

It took long to get all of the words out of his mouth but Geralt waited patiently

And it was so worth it

He's never smiled so bright as he did now

The talking got easier and after a while Jaskier insisted on helping him walk again

The first time he basically had to carry him

After a while he started moving his legs again

And every time they had to eat Geralt would let him walk to the dining room

He wasn't able to stand on his own for a long time and getting to the other room took unbelievably long

But he was so proud of him

It took them years to get here but one day he might walk on his own again

And he was able to ramble again

And Geralt never wished for blessed silence again

The now knew how it made him go almost mad

Instead he listened to every word Jaskier had to say

They were still rough but every thing started to get better with every passing day

They walks started to become shorter as the bard was able to walk faster

He sat in a chair most days instead of lying in bed

Only his singing was ruined

And playing the lute again would take a long time

Geralt started singing kids songs just so Jaskier could song along

The words were simpler in them

First time he did it he cried

"Geralt I can't"

"Not without practice"

And he restarted singing the song ever so slow

And Jaskier really tried to sing along but it was too hard

He went to sleep crying that day

But Geralt just had to try again until he was able to do what he loved again

And he started singing along after a while and it sounded horrible

But he was so happy to hear him sing again after all these years

On his next birthday Jaskier sung happy birthday for him

And it was the best present he could ever get

He mostly didn't care about his birthday but he'd cherish this one forever

It gave him hope that one day he might still recover

Yennefer told him how lucky they were

"He's not dead and not paralyzed. You're lucky"

He did consider them lucky, but he also felt enormous amounts of guilt

If he saved him a little bit sooner this would've never happened

But all he could do now was wait and hope

And help him as much ad he could, and cherish it all

Stole this idea from the lovely @witched-the-watcher (x). Hope you like it!

ao3 link

‘So I heard you were in need of a saviour, a witcher in particular. Good news my dear friend here I am.’

‘You look like a bard to me.’

He let out a gasp. ‘Well I am technically speaking a witcher, I mean look at the cat eyes! They somehow didn’t turn as yellow as most witcher’s eyes but still. I survived it all and I’m here to help you. Me and my friend.’

‘Your friend at least looks like a witcher.’

‘That’s not my fault. You know what I’ll let him tell you the truth. Geralt! He won’t believe me! Again!’

The larger witcher got up and walked to the talking pair. ‘Technically speaking he is a witcher, not a good one, but a witcher nonetheless.’

‘Thank you Geralt- Wait what? Not a good one? I’m still alive it looks to me like I’m doing great!’

‘Sorry for my friend. He can tell you all about his training days to make you believe him later.’ If looks could kill Geralt would be dead right now, not that this particular witcher could ever kill him. Even Geralt has no idea how he survived any of the trials, or how he survived anything in general. He asked about the contract and went on his way, a few insectos had a nest in the area. Jaskier kept following him, in his leather armour for once and ranting about how he isn’t actually such a bad witcher. That idiot used to knock himself out when fighting a fucking training dummy. Vesemir told him about his training and he still can’t believe anything from it.

***

‘Look I have some very important business to attend to dear Vesemir. So I sadly have to skip this training session.’ The sixteen year old witcher said. He could see how tired Vesemir was getting but he continued anyway. He really hated training, he wasn’t good at it and he’d preferably do whatever the fuck he wants. He didn’t choose to be a witcher, it was his parents stupid decision to let a witcher invoke the law of surprise. And now he survived the trial of the grasses, and they still won’t let him go. He got so angry he named himself after a flower just to fuck with Vesemir. It was a poisonous flower and you definitely shouldn’t rub it over your skin, but it was a flower nonetheless.

Vesemir let out a sigh ‘And, Jaskier, what is this business?’ 

‘Well.. I need to study, I was doing that before you called us for the training and I was having a blast honestly. It would be a real shame if I lost my concentration.’

‘Name one fact you learned, a real one and you may go.’ Fuck fuck fuck I’ll just make one up he won’t notice a thing.

‘Uhm.. let me think I learned so much I don’t know where to start.’ He just kept looking at him disapprovingly. ‘Ah I got it! There once was a forktail near here who instead of attacking people fell asleep in the courtyard!’ Gods he was so good at lying ‘And that was a fact so I’ll be going-’ The older man grabbed his shirt and yanked him towards the training ground. ‘By the gods Vesemir that’s just rude!’

‘I have an idea. Fight me and if you don’t lose you can skip tomorrow’s training.’

‘And what if I lose?’

‘You have to go out and hunt a monster. That enough motivation for you?’ Oh he was going to win this fight so bad.

‘Fine, just know that I will win and have such a good day tomorrow.’ He could barely say anything more due to the fact that Vesemir swung his sword at him. He barely avoided it and grabbed his own sword from his back. He tried to find his gripping and swung his sword at Vesemir. Who avoided it way too easily before walking closer. This is my chance he thought, but before he knew it something yanked his ankles away from the floor and he fell. All that he could remember after that was the pain in his head and how the world became black.

*

He woke up still lying on the cold floor. He could still hear the clattering of swords as he waited for the headache to pass so he could open his eyes until he heard Vesemir speak up.

‘Open your eyes I know you’re awake.’

‘But my head, it hurts. Honestly I don’t think opening them will make thing much better. I’ll just lie here until training’s over.’ He said still keeping his eyes closed.

‘You’re already a hazard to yourself and everyone else when you don’t have a concussion, you can go to your room and prepare for the hunt.’

His eyes snapped open and he immediately regretted it. ‘Wait you were serious about that? I really need to fight a monster?’

‘Dead serious. I expect to see something before tomorrow.’

‘But I’ll die.’

‘If you’ve paid attention to anything you wouldn’t.’

‘Fine! But I choose the monster and I don’t have to train anymore today.’

‘As long as you bring a monster it’s fine. Now go before you hurt someone other than yourself.’

He got up and tried to find his balance before going to his room. He didn’t know a lot of the potions but he knew swallow, the healing potion. He didn’t get them from others anymore so he made some himself and put them in his room. Even some of the best witchers get hurt sometimes he always told himself. He sat down on his bed next to his home made lute. He didn’t have any coin and no one wanted to get him one, so he made his own. It sounded horrible but with the help of a book he stole he was able to practice and write songs. This whole witcher thing wasn’t going to stop him from doing what he wants. He drank the dose of swallow and started collecting his stuff. Two swords, one steel and one silver, only take the silver one when you need to it’s a soft metal so it will break sooner bla bla bla. This might be one of the few facts he remembered and it was for a reason. Every day they said it until he remembered it. Rope seems to be a handy thing to take and a few doses of swallow. He put it next to his armour and checked if he had everything. I mean he’s never actually hunted something so he wouldn’t know, but it seemed like it could be everything. He put on his armour, which he dyed all kinds of beautiful shades of blue, despite Vesemir’s protests.

‘Witchers wear black, that’s a trademark colour please don’t dye it blue.’ It only motivated him more to do it. So he lied to Vesemir by telling him that blue is almost black and he dyed it blue. He might have found out how magic works in the progress, he found an old book talking about other uses than the one-handed spells witchers used and he gave his armour the prettiest colours using magic. After that he turned to his normal clothes and turned them into gorgeous doublets so he wouldn’t have to walk around in old rags anymore. He was on cleanup duty for a month and he didn’t regret a thing.

He headed out when his head stopped hurting, which might have been fifteen minutes or so. Moments like this made him thankful for witcher’s enhanced healing abilities. He didn’t have his own horse so he grabbed a white shared horse called weed. She was a bit of an ugly horse but she was lovely. He went out looking for a simple creature to take back home. He first went to the watchtower to see if anything simple was nearby. He got off weed when the road started becoming narrow and continued on foot. He climbed to watch tower and checked the surroundings. He didn’t expect to see much and definitely not a six armed demon horse with god knows how many eyes.

‘Oh I am definitely going to take you back home.’ He said to himself. He went back to weed and rode to where he saw the creature. He had no idea how but he found it, but he saw it. It was standing in a clearing in the woods and there were no others creatures near. 

‘What now, it’s basically another horse right? Just tame it and take it back? Sounds like a plan right weed?’ He got off and slowly started walking towards the creature. Vesemir didn’t say anything about it needing to be alive or dead and he really wanted his own horse. 

‘Now, how to tame a demon horse. Any ideas Weed? No of course not you’re a horse and I can’t send you to him he if you die Vesemir will kill me for real. So maybe I’ll just name it, what to name a demon horse with six arms…’

Greg

‘I’m a genius, let’s do this. Greg?’ He called to the whatever it was. It didn’t seem startled but all of it’s thirteen eyes were locked on him. ‘Hi, I..uhm.. am in need of a horse and you would truly be my saviour.’ Fuck fuck fuck what now. ‘I have a rope, and I can use it to guide you back home, and we can be friends, obviously only if you want to and you would really help me out. So,’ He grabbed the rope and made a lasso out of it, a big one. This thing might look like a horse but it had an enormous head. ‘I’m just gonna put this around your neck and you, my new friend are coming home with me.’ He said while slowly getting closer, it seemed to be saying things in elven but Jaskier couldn’t care less. He needed to bring back a creature and this would be perfect, and bonus, he seems like a perfect horse and friend. He stood before it and slowly put the rope around his neck, while Greg looked at him with all his thirteen eyes. He patted him a little bit before going back to weed. He took the end of the rope and thankfully Greg followed him. He walked back towards weed, who seemed shocked and started panicking.

‘Weed it’s fine! This is Greg, a friend, and he is, partially, a horse! He’ll be your friend! Now come on we gotta walk all the way back so I can bond with Greg. Look, Weed I love you but I need my own horse anyway so will you pretty please follow me back to Kaer Morhen?’ The horse did not seem to care. ‘Righty, I guess I can sit on your back but we’re going to walk slow if Greg runs I might actually have to fight something.’ He got on weed, still holding the rope attached to Greg. He kept looking at him and talking to him the whole ride, the seemed to become less tense when they got to Kaer Morhen. Or he thought, he was still talking about a thirteen eyes demon horse. The gate was closed so he got of Weed and knocked on it. Vesemir came to open the door and when he did he just stared in disbelief. Not the kind that says “wow Jaskier you did it!”, it was more of a “Jaskier what the fuck did you take back here!?”. But he didn’t say anything, he just stared with a tired look on his face.

‘Vesemir!’ Jaskier said after a while of silence. ‘You told me to bring back a monster so here I am! This is Greg and he’s going to be my horse and friend.’

‘You are so lucky I have to take care of you and not any other witcher who would have really killed you now.’

‘What do you mean? I did what you asked, I brought back a monster. You never said that said monter wasn’t allowed to be my own horse.’

‘No, strike it down and get this over with, Jaskier.’ He let out a gasp and coverved what were probably Greg’s ears.

‘No! He’s my horse I’ll strike your horse down if you lay one finger on him!’ Vesemir just sighed

‘If he destroys anything he leaves directly, now make sure the others don’t see him.’ 

Jaskier was practically jumping with joy right now. He led Greg to the stables and put him in an empty one. He started brushing and washing him afterwards. He put a saddle on him and tried to find reins that fit on this creature’s head, but gave up after a while. He knew horses needed to get used to wearing gear, so he took the saddle off and before going to bed, he’d find a solution for the reins tomorrow. It wasn’t only something he wanted to do, but also a great excuse to skip tomorrow’s training.

  ***

  ‘Goddamnit Jaskier! I told you to stay away this time!’

‘Geralt I too am a witcher I- ah!- watch out you brute!’

‘We’ve been traveling for centuries you should know by now that you almost always get hurt!’

‘You should know how to drag a stabbed man correctly by now without - ah!- hurting him with every step!’

The hunt went wrong, again. Even Geralt couldn’t believe that this man had been a witcher for a couple centuries and he still got hurt on almost every contract they- he went on. Jaskier almost never helped, except for when he distracted the monster and gave Geralt a chance to strike it down. This time that was supposed to happen, only this time Geralt wasn’t fast enough to strike it down, and it stabbed Jaskier. And it stabbed him good, right in the left kidney to be precise. Luckily for him he already got stabbed before in the same kidney, a healer said his kidney would regrow within a couple years but it would function worse. At least he still only had one bad kidney and one good one. They walked straight passed the inn where they’d get their reward and went to the healer’s house. Thank god this town had a magical healer. Jaskier was fine all of the time, but he has been way to close for way to many times, and Geralt still hated it every time it happened. As far as they knew he was still mortal, it was almost impossible for him to die of old age, but he still was able to bleed out. And oh god did he lose a lot of blood. He left behind a trail on the ground, and sadly also on Geralt, but anyone could follow them from the monster to the healers hut with ease. He didn’t even care to knock when they got there, he just pushed the door open with his shoulder and walked in, still dragging Jaskier who was now bleeding all over the healer’s floor. The healer was a young blonde woman with dark eyes. She was wearing a turquoise blouse and a skirt which consisted of all kinds of rags. She looked at the pair and quickly told them to sit Jaskier down on the bed while she grabbed her stuff. When Jaskier was sitting he stripped him from his clothes, knowing from experience that he needed to take them off anyway. He quickly discarded them on the floor and took a look at the wound. It did not look pretty, it was bleeding a lot and you could just see his kidney, or what was left of it at least. The healer quickly came back, she took of the rags that formed her skirt and she as wearing a pair of leather pants and an apron with old stains on it. She had a bag or supplies and put it on the ground next to Jaskier and started doing her job. 

‘What happened?’ She asked while she started cleaning the wound, or at least she tried to, Jaskier was demonstrating quite a lot.

‘I.. uhm ah! be careful!’

‘We were fighting some insectoids and one stabbed him.’

‘He got hurt here before?’

‘Yes, how-’

‘The scar tissue around it. He’s really unlucky.’

‘You’re wrong I am the luckiest witcher’s on the- ow do you mind?’

‘Agreed, he’s a horrible witcher, it’s a wonder he’s still alive.’

‘Geralt I swear if you call- oh goddamnit! That hurt.’

‘I’m going to stich it up now, I don’t have anything for you to bite on sadly.’

‘Geralt I’m going to squeeze you hand whether you like it or not.’ Before he could say anything Jaskier grabbed his hand and was ready to squeeze it. She held a needle and threat close to the wound and Jaskier looked at her hand, clearly not looking forward to it. The moment the needle entered his skin he looked away and squeezed his hand. He had an surprising amount of strength for a man who just lost a lot of blood. 

‘Ah! that, fuck that will always hurt, goddamnit.’

‘Then don’t get stabbed as much as you do.’ He was basically curled up on him right now. For someone who gets stabbed as often as he does he’s very bad at dealing with getting stitched up. It took a while before she said something again.

‘Sit still or it will only hurt more, trust me.’ Jaskier didn’t respond anymore, his eyes we’re still opened, but he seemed to barely stay awake. Looks like the adrenaline started to disappear from his body. He put him a bit straighter despite his grunts of protest so the healer can do her job right. When she finished stitching him up he had fully lost consciousness and Geralt put him on the bed.

‘I’d like to use some spells before I’m done.’

‘Knock yourself out.’

She said something in elvish and let her now glowing hands hover over the wound. After a while she spoke up again.

‘How long have you been traveling together?’

‘Too long, centuries I think? They all said I wouldn’t last a week.’

‘Who is they?’

‘The other witchers.’

‘Tell me more, might give you a discount if you do.’

   ***

  Even Jaskier had to admit it, he did not expect to make it through the trials, he honestly didn’t even expect to live long enough to see the trials. At least this would mean he’d get to hit the road, but not alone, of course Vesemir wouldn’t let him go alone. He might look like he hasn’t slept in years because of him, but he still didn’t want him to die. He was, and always will be angry with him for invoking the law of surprise on his parents, but he did raise him. And he was better than most other older witcher at Kaer Morhen. He didn’t yell at him every time he did something wrong, and oh god did he do a lot wrong, he was like a father figure for him, despite everything. He still cut himself when grabbing a sword without gloves so he might haven’t really done a good job, but Jaskier did not make it easy for him. All he had to do now was wait for another witcher to show up, preferably the white wolf. He’s heard so much about him and if he was going to be the only witcher to not be allowed to hit the road alone, he was at least going to be traveling with someone famous. He told Vesemir about his preferences and he just said if he shows up within a month you can go with him. What he didn’t tell him was that he wasn’t going to take no as an answer. And he right now really started to think he didn’t have to fight him anymore, a large white haired man just walked in, and Vesemir almost ran towards him.

‘Geralt!’

‘Vesemir. You told me to come.’

‘Yes I did, I have an apprentice for you.’

‘A what-’

‘Jaskier! Here, now!’ He got up and walked towards them. ‘You’re going to be traveling with him, now’ He put a hand on his shoulder.’Good luck, and I am finally going to take a peaceful nap.’ And he walked off, not looking back. Jaskier knew he cared about him, but it still hurt, seeing him walk off without looking back.

‘You’re not traveling with me.’

‘Yes I am, fellow witcher, I-’

‘I don’t believe your a witcher.’

‘That’s just rude, I am a perfectly capable witcher. I even have a demon horse and it’s way better than any regular horse, but that’s not the point. Vesemir didn’t even introduce me properly. I’m Jaskier.’ He gave him his hand and he shook it.

‘Geralt of Rivia, not making you my apprentice.’

‘No you’re not, I already am and I’m impossible to get rid of. I have way to many questions for you.’

‘Spill it out.’

‘Since you insist upon it, first question. How did you dye your hair white? No one wanted to tell me how you did it and I was thinking how I could dye my own hair  cornflower blue to go with my armour. Did you know I dyed it using magic? I-’

‘Loss of pigmentation from all the experiments. Next question.’

‘What’s your opinion on poetry? I wrote a few ballads but I only have a makeshift lute so we just gotta get to the nearest town and get me a good one so I can play in taverns and make coin and we’re all set for adventure.’

‘Why would I take you with me?’ Fuck he wasn’t going to make this easy for him. Guilt trip him maybe?

‘What about Vesemir? He raised you too didn’t he? Just try it for him and if after a week you still hate me I’ll leave.’ He wasn’t going to leave after a week no matter what. ‘It will be great fun and I’ll pay you back the lute, promised.’

‘No’

‘Not taking no for an awser, we’re leaving today.’

‘Fine, but only if you don’t bring us in danger.’ He had no idea what changed his mind, but he was happy with this development. He needed to grab his stuff before leaving, he was lookin forward to this, but it did come kind of unexpected. 

‘I’ll get my stuff and I’ll introduce you to Greg when I come back! He’s amazing and honestly quite scary sometimes but you’ll love him I assure you.’

‘Hm’ Was all that he heard before he left to his room to grab his stuff. He folded his clothes and put them in a bag, his armour was made of leather and so he managed to fold it up a bit too. He still hated wearing it, it was heavy and sweaty and he only wore it when he needed to. He got his personal belongings and left what he could. His homemade lute, he was getting a new one anyway. And his books about music and spells, he already knows every sentence in all of the books. And all of the junk he put in his room, he was just planning on leaving it. Vesemir told him they weren’t taking in new witchers anymore, so he figured he could just come back anytime.

He took his bags to Greg and saddled him up. He was so much tamer than the first time he met him. He still tranced out sometimes and spoke gibberish in elven, but he was able to ride him. He was ready for his adventure, he still didn’t look forward to being a witcher, but that’s what Geralt’s for. He can be a witcher while he can sing in taverns, making coin his own way. He probably had to help sometimes, but he’d be fine. He had been training for his whole life, how bad could it possibly get?

He grabbed the reins and walked towards the courtyard.

‘Geralt!’

‘Greg?’

‘Yeah, found him two years ago or so. I had to come back with a monster because I failed training and I found him. He isn’t a monster, he’s honestly a really good horse but he passed as one, a monster I mean. And since then I had my own horse, he’s a bit.. creepy sometimes but he’s amazing.’

‘He’ll scare the villagers.’

‘He won’t! Everyone will love him trust me. Now let’s go I need you to hear my ballads on an actual lute!’

‘I’m not buying you one.’

‘I’ll pay it back, trust me. Now let’s go you still haven’t told me about your opinion on poetry.’

‘You’re not going to make me regret making you stay are you?’

‘Geralt I would never. I survived the trials so I am a good witcher. Now get on your boring regular horse and let’s go!’

He got on his horse and left first, Jaskier following and talking about anything and everything. And Geralt’s responses started getting longer and longer, and before any of them knew it, they were a couple centuries in.

  ***

‘And you just let him stick around?’ The healer asked

‘Didn’t have a choice. He stuck to me like glue.’

‘He paid back the lute?’

‘Within a month, started earning his own part after that.’

‘He’s your complete opposite’

‘Opposites attract.’

Silence filled the room for a while, she did her job while Geralt just watched. He didn’t have anything better to do anyway he told himself. It was a relief when Jaskier ultimately woke up.

‘Ugh.. I.. what happened?’

‘You were stabbed, again.’

‘So nothing new. Oh my head.’

‘You lost a lot of blood.’

‘And you’re very lucky to be alive, and the worst witcher I’ve ever seen so please be more careful next time.’ The healer said.

‘I was! I- ah’ He tried to move a little bit. ‘it still hurts.’

‘Yeah, you heal fast so it should only hurt a couple of days. Just stick to the lute playing for a while.’

‘How do you know about that?’

‘I told her, thought it’d be polite.’

‘It was, and I don’t say this quick, but you’re the worst witcher I’ve ever heard of.’

‘You guys are horrible do you know that?’

‘You’re the one who got stabbed.’

Almost forgot to post it here lol. Please leave a comment if you liked it they really make my day!

ao3 link

Summary:

It has been a long day. Geralt and Jaskier got kicked out of town, and one idiot just needed to wake Geralt up in the middle of the night, barely being able to take a single breath.

OR

The consequences of very unsafe binding featering one idiotic bard