nameless

And than when my eyes get so heavy

I fall asleep

It is a conforting feeling to know how my day's will end

To know that the last thing I will feel every night is the salty taste of my tears

I think it has been going on so long that the pain has become a sort of numbness

Numbness that feels like home

It is the only thing that is consistent in my life just the drops that my pillow catches every night

It is the only thing that I can trust on

It’s getting to hard to cover up my scars

It’s getting so difficult to not start crying randomly  

It’s getting less important what I do in school

 I feel like everyone knows my little secret

I don’t have the energy to keep the dark parts of myself down

I can’t go forward nor backwards

And there are fewer and fewer options to feel alive

Everyone I ones held so close is disappearing

I’m scared that you will think less of me

That you’ll think that I’m a freak

That’s the reason that I keep a wall up

A wall that you’ll never brake, it has been there for so long that no one is able to come trough it

I don’t care about anything

Not if your okay, not if I’m okay

Just nothing

Is there someone that could put there problems aside just a second and listen to what I’m really saying

Because I’m not okay or fine or whatever

I’m saying what I’m going trough but no one understands it

I’m saying what I’ll do to stop the pain

Or do you just want to use me

Like all those other guys

But another part says that I don’t deserve that

it is controlling me

and it doesn’t care about my dreams and passions

all it wants is to take over my life

I am a slave to my own brain

With every word you say, my brain takes me deeper and deeper into the darkness

every breath of air you take, my lungs get shut down a little more

every step you take, I fall apart again

you have all the power over me

and you still decide to break me down

I thought that everyone was just living their best life, that they didn’t worry about anything

And I thought that I could help everyone that didn’t feel so good

But now I know that there are so many bad things in this world that no one can hide for them

Not me, not you, not anyone

But still you don’t do anything about it

You just sit there and watch me slowly disappear

You can do something but you don’t have the courage to ask me what’s wrong

You can make a difference but you are to afraid to really understand me

You could be a friend

But can you prove it to me

Can you promise that you won’t hurt me

Can you say with full confidence that I’m not to much

That I won’t brake you

That I won’t destroy  you in the process of doing that to myself

They don’t tell you where you should go

But the tell you where I was headed

They tell you when the pain mentally went so bad that I had to compromise

I’ve been living on auto control

I don’t feel anything anymore

I can’t tell time anymore

I feel empty inside

But don’t worry you can’t do anything about it and it isn’t your fault

You can’t help me, I’m too far gone

You can’t replace the pain with something beautiful, for that it’s to late  

True love is about needing the other person, and not being afraid to say that

It’s about feeling empty when your not with that person

It’s about caring so much for each other that you would jump off a bridge  for them