#peom

I felt like a dragonfly, strong, free, colourful.

When things were better I felt okay.

More me, more sensible and smart.

Put together.

When things began to crumble, I felt stuck.

frozen in time like a glacier, moving slowly but barely at all.

When I stood in the crumbled ruins, I felt afraid.

Alone.

There was nobody to save me, nobody to help.

I learned how to survive. Isolated.

and now being in solitude is a comfort. Something I've taught myself to survive with.

The walls are still crumbled, and I discover things in their ruins every day.

An intricate mold of the fake Truth of truths And how it will break Free, but now the silence Sits in the middle Of my eyes and heart, of my brain and gut Pulling them in, a curvature Placed upon my skin to run around my neck Pinch my spine, pull it tight And let it fix itself over The pain

——

Around you the world often went silent.

It wasn’t actual silence,

It was the silence you felt,

On a empty beach shore,

A empty forest with no one for miles,

A mountaintop with only wind your friend,

On the boat in the middle of lake in solitude,

Crouched next to the river alone.

Only the world isn’t actually silent,

And you aren’t alone.

The crash of the waves hits the shore,

Birds chirp as they fly through the trees,

Wind whistles by your ears,

The sound of deer running to receive a drink of water,

The river runs against its bed and stones.

And you,

You were right there next me,

Just silent as you held my hand,

As I admired the wonders of God’s creation ,

The greatest wonder being the one holding my hand.

The silence wasn’t real

But I convinced myself it was.

Because you were right there,

You made it all warm,

Fuzzy,

Peaceful,

And comforting.

I forget the noise is there,

So the sounds of nature become silence,

For the world around you became small,

Small like a little cottage with a fireplace,

Like I was home,

Because you are home.

So if your hand,

Ripped from mine,

Goes.

Then my world of silence breaks,

The cottage collapses,

And a wild winter storm confronts me.

As the sound of harsh wind,

Snapping trees,

And breaking wood,

Flood my ears.

The world is not longer a silent haven.

As my ears are filled with painful noise,

And my body faces a violent storm.

I’d beg to experience silence again,

To rid my life of this horror of noise.

Only to be thrown into a soundproof room,

I learn it was never silence I loved,

For oh how much I hated the loud volume of silence.

It was you I loved,

You had taken the noise and made it irrelevant

Brightened the world

Shown me how beautiful life could be

By the beauty you radiated

I had never cared for silence or noise

If was been your presence that made the world

Stunning

It was nothing you did,

It hardly mattered the “silence” you brought

Your heart made it possible and beautiful,

It shall always be who you are

Only you can make a sunset shine brighter in my eyes

——

I love you Ryan

Playing make-believe with my emotions,

Saying I'm fine when I'm in pain,

Sometimes I can't tell the difference,

Between the real me and the one I hide behind,

Faking my smile,

Just to be okay for everyone else,

When on the inside, I'm slowly losing myself,

I've changed so much for other people,

That I can't even tell what's true about me,

Broken heart with tears to match,

I wanna tell someone,

I wanna scream at the top of my lungs,

That I'm not fine...

But instead, I'll keep hiding my hurt,

A star brimming my eyes with tears

A moonlight so bright it dispels my fears

That's you, the luminous sunbeam

For what I never ever had, I long

Quench my thirst, for to you, I belong

For you I'll always be strong

For Dionysius, I won't back down

It adorns my head, this splendid crown

However, quiet sharp are its thorns

My skin, they prickle, my veins, they pierce

As resplendent swords, with all their might

Let's turn these thorns to rays of light

While a rainfall of blood trickles down

My skin, a cloud, your love, the sky