I fear I am perishing currently

HELLO I AM NOIMLITERALLYDYINGRN but I go by noid. my pronouns are any/all, but i really prefer any kind of neopronoun

i use slurs in a reclaimed sense and WILL be vague posting about my addiction so be aware of that.

i post my art, my writing, and whatever else the fuck i want to

if something you see is personally disturbing to you, please block me for both of our peace of mind

if i say something ignorant or uneducated lmk because i am always open to change if my beliefs perpetuate existing systems of harm against marginalized people

i love Minecraft args, books, and shitting on transphobe's faces!

i now also have a sfawtde kiy rp blog :3 @ask-the-king-in-yellow , check it out i think it’s cool and i love role playing

to somewhere

to some semblance of something of secrecy of self-reflection

trying so hard to get memories before it ends

because i have no memories

because i forget my name

my own birthday

not to mention anyone else’s

which is why i didn’t feel guilty for forgetting yours

and not because i fell out of love with you.

i want to kiss you even though i’m coming down with something

to get one last use out of a dying relationship

to get one last inhale of your sister’s shampoo

to remind you one last time you’re beautiful

to show everyone around us that yes

i did love you

and i hope i still do and i don’t want to do this

and god i feel so evil

knowing you look to a brighter tomorrow,

one i told you to look towards,

while i stand behind you with the knife.

and i’m sorry but it’s true.

because i don’t want to date you.

i want to kiss you and hold you and hang out

and cry with you

and help you understand it’s okay to cry

and help you see the girl i see in the mirror we stare at together

but i don’t want to date you.

because i’m selfish and because i’m angry and because i’m tired and because i’m horrible and because i’m mean and because i’m manipulative and because i’m loud and because i’m stupid.

and that’s why i don’t want to date you.

and it’s not because

you’re ugly or you’re bad or you’re mean or you’re a burden or you’re stupid or you’re too much or you’re a boy.

it’s not that.

but i know that’s what you’ll think.

and maybe that’s why i’m breaking up with you.

because i need someone i can get angry at.

someone i can joke with.

someone i can talk to.

someone i can fight with.

someone who doesn’t scare me.

because i need someone i need,