A Pulp Adventurer and his Lost Planet Airmen

Jaxidermy

This is precious and exactly what owning a black cat is like. Especially if you happen to also have black blankets and pillows, Doubly so for the fluffy ones

Pawsome! – Black Cats Rule!

this is the worst day ever so this guy offers me to bathe in this new fangled bathtub and im taking the bath and its cool and the motherfucker starts chopping carrots in it. go do that somewhere else.

there's either a small snake or a giant slug in my kitchen but ill never know because i left my glasses in the other room

what kills a slug that won't make a snake attack me

the internet said salt kills slugs so imma just toss a bunch of salt all over the floor and hope it dies or evaporates or something

so i ended up throwing salt all over my kitchen floor, texting my fam to keep my dog out of there, and going to bed. i woke up to my mom finding "piss-like-goo" all over the floor because the slug/snake had melted. and apparently that slug thingy was "a regular" who "visted often" and my mom named it gary. rip to gary i guess

imagine showing up to your sidechicks house and her blind son is there this time and he just throws acid on you bc he can’t see and you end up melting into a piss-like-glue

hmmm I'm not sure I'm liking the narrative of my mom fucking a slug named gary

Today’s aesthetic: claiming I am contractually obligated to do things I am not, in fact, contractually obligated to do.

Honestly, if I had shapeshifting powers I’d probably just use them for stupid shit like repeatedly switching back and forth between eyeliner and no eyeliner when nobody’s looking and see how long it takes for somebody to say something.