Hello My Alien

“We should all be having sex. For the good of the mission.” The chief botanist puts her hands on her hips and flips to the last slide of her powerpoint. “Here are my sources.”

Namjoon can’t make out the words, but it seems like a lot of sources. 

“Any questions?” she asks, staring down each crew member in turn, a shocking level of confidence for a woman who just propositioned a whole room of lonely horny men. She locks eyes with Namjoon and there is a determination there that is impossible to deny. It scares him. 

Someone laughs nervously. Namjoon leans back in his chair, trying to keep his face steady as he decides the appropriate response. He doesn’t want to embarrass her, but this is ludicrous. Why is she doing this?

“You put sources on your powerpoint about how we should all start fucking?” Yoongi asks.

 Namjoon clenches his fist beneath the table, trying to contain the surge of rage that floods through him. Yoongi must be at fault somehow. None of this was a problem before she started getting involved with Yoongi. How can he joke about this now?

“It’s important to cite your sources,” she mutters in response, shoulders slumping. Namjoon needs to get her out of here. He needs to make sure she’s okay.

“Are you saying we should start fucking you or each other?” Taehyung asks.

“I meant you should all have sex with me,” she replies, biting the corner of her lip and looking back at her wall of sources. That can’t be what she wants. Can it?

“But like, how would that work?” Jungkook asks.

“Well there are seven of you, so one per day seems doable.” She licks her lips, scanning the room. When her eyes lock with Namjoon’s, his stomach flips. 

Jin leans over next to him and whispers, “Um, commander, are you going to say something?”

Namjoon grimaces. What is he supposed to say? She’s staring at him again and the back of his neck is sweaty. 

Jimin whirls to face Yoongi. “Was this your idea?”

“Look,” Yoongi throws up his hands. “It’s not my fault she’s such an insatiable slut.”

Any attempt to conceal his anger evaporates as Namjoon surges to his feet. “Officer Min! How dare you address your colleague that way!” Only Jin’s hand on his arm stops him from grabbing the flight engineer by his jumpsuit and throwing him onto the table. 

Yoongi recoils backward from the table, but their botanist steps forward. “No, no, no, Commander,” she says, placing herself between him and Yoongi.  “Yoongi’s right.” Her eyes fix on Namjoon's, pupils dilated. “I am an insatiable slut.”

Namjoon’s stomach does that flip-flop again. “What?” 

“I need you to fuck me, Commander,” she says, stepping closer, coming to stand, between him and the kitchen table. “For the good of the mission.”

“I…” Namjoon stammers. Her gaze trails up and down his body and he feels hot all over. This is wrong. It’s inappropriate. He doesn’t even feel that way about her. She’s his crew member, she’s always just been part of his crew. Fuck, why is he getting hard right now?

“Well, someone is going to have to fuck her,” Jin mutters from beside him, still seated. “It’s really becoming a problem.” 

“Please, Commander…” she whispers, leaning against the table and teasing at the zipper of her jumpsuit.

Namjoon’s cock is fully erect now. “But… but…” He searches for words. He shouldn’t do this. Why shouldn’t he do this?

“Come on, Commander, we all know Jimin isn’t satisfying her properly,” Jungkook chimes in. 

Jimin. Surely Jimin will be bothered if his commanding officer fucks his girlfriend. Namjoon looks to Jimin, expecting him to object. But Jimin justshrugs. “Let’s see what you got, Commander.”

“Like the gorillas,” she says, propping her butt up on the table and spreading her legs a bit wider. “The alpha male should go first. Our leader should set an example for everyone else.”

“I’m not a gorilla!” Namjoon objects, palms beginning to sweat. “And I’m not an alpha male! This isn’t part of my job.”  Her shoulders are bare as she shimmies them out of the jumpsuit and he gasps as he realizes she is naked underneath. 

“Where are the rest of your clothes?” He asks, reaching for her before she can remove the jumpsuit fully. He needs to stop her. He needs to protect her. But she takes his outstretched hands and guides them to her breasts, letting the jumpsuit fall to her waist. 

“Yes!” Jungkook does a little fist pump next to him. “Show us how it’s done, Commander!” he urges, looking back and forth between the biologist and the commander. 

Her skin is so warm. Namjoon groans out loud. Her nipples perk up against the palms of his hands and his dick throbs and it’s so wrong but all he can do is stare as her warmth seeps into him.

“I’m sorry my hands are so cold,” he mutters. Has she always been this attractive? Has she been running around his ship like this for two years and he was only saved from himself by some beige coveralls? 

She laughs, letting go of his hands to discard her jumpsuit entirely. She's now bare on their kitchen table, save for one pair of small red panties, surrounded by seven ravenous men. But she’s only looking at Namjoon. His dick strains against his own clothes as she drops to her knees in front of him, naked breasts bouncing free from his hands.

“I needed to be ready for you, Commander,” she whispers. “Ready for you to use.”

“Holy shit,” Jungkook gasps from beside him.

“No, wait, stop.” Namjoon tries to object one last time. “The whole crew is here.”

She smiles. “I know. I intend to implement with full commitment.” She lowers her face to right in front of his crotch and mouths along the outline of his cock. The sensation lights all his nerves on fire. 

The whole crew is watching as she stares up at him from her knees. “Please, Commander,” she begs again, and his dick throbs yet again. “Please, I need you.”

“I… I don’t know…” he stammers. He’s not handling this correctly. What is he supposed to do now? They did not cover this in officer training. “Is that really what you want?” 

She nods, climbing up onto the table. “None of them can fuck me like you can.” She spreads her legs, revealing a large wet spot where her panties stick to her. She’s dripping for him. 

“Dude…” Taehyung whistles long and low. “I mean, you have to fuck her now. Look at her.”

Namjoon shakes his head. He can’t. He’s supposed to be impartial. He’s supposed to be better than this. But then she pulls the crotch of the panties to the side, revealing her wet, shameless cunt. 

He places his hands on her thighs. God, she’s so soft and she smells so good and he’s so hard. He picks up her thighs, pulling her right to the edge of the table and spreading her wide. He’s going to fuck her. Right here in front of his whole crew. It’s what she wants. It’s what she deserves. 

A loud thud echoes through Namjoon’s sleep pod as he crashes into his ceiling, startling himself awake . His top half has managed to wiggle its way out of his sleeping bag. His bottom half is sweaty, still trapped in his covers, dick standing at full attention. The gravity is off. 

“Well, shit,” he mutters, fighting to free himself from the hot confines of the bag. Yesterday’s meeting must have rattled him more than he was willing to admit. He checks his watch and finds it’s a little after 4 am Earth-time. Too early to get up and too early to turn the gravity back on. His dick pulses in reminder that it is wide awake, even if the rest of him isn’t. 

“That is highly inconvenient,” he groans, palming himself through his pajama pants. There’s no cold showers here. He pulls himself along the ceiling and over to his desk, kicking himself free of the sleeping bag as he goes. 

Waiting at his desk is his tablet. He picks it up, searching through the tabs until he reaches a file marked “Mars Mission” despite Namjoon never traveling to Mars . It’s disguised to look like a technical file, the first few pages copied from documents of his first lunar mission, just in case someone checked . But he only has to scroll a few pages to find what he wants. Something to solve his problem and take his mind off his crew member. 

Whores of Olympus Mons - First Book of the Martian Succubi Series

A woman with dark hair, huge breasts, and photoshopped green skin kneels over a red Martian backdrop, looking up at him with large green eyes . The only alien things about her are the color of her skin and her gravity-defying tits. Namjoon has smuggled all 18 books of the series on board.

He closes his eyes and draws a deep breath as his dick throbs again. His dream comes back to him now, visions of their botanist with her legs spread for him on the kitchen table. 

He shakes his head. It’s not about her. He’s not interested in her like that. She’s his co-worker and his responsibility, not some harlequin romance character. He’s just feeling a bit pent-up is all and yesterday’s meeting brought up some things he has been avoiding. But once he gets off and his head is clear again, he can figure out how to approach this professionally . He opens up Book 1. 

I wake up in darkness, head pounding. My helmet is gone, but I am still breathing. It’s a cave of some sort, cool and moist. A single ray of light shines down from a large crack above me, a sliver of the yellow-brown Martian sky visible just beyond it. Judging by the position of the sun, I’ve been unconscious for hours. Or maybe days.

 I’m suspended against a wall, my feet dangling about six inches off the floor. My arms extend out to either side of me. I try to move them and I can’t. I try to turn my head to look at them, but my head is stuck in place as well. A musky tar-like substance covers my whole back, neck, and down each arm and leg. Like a fly stuck in flypaper, I am pinioned in place. 

Fuck. I'm about to be eaten, right? I struggle, wiggling back and forth, but it only presses me further into the goop. Some giant space spider is going to emerge from the dark caverns in front of me and devour me. I only hope it’s quick. My skin starts to itch and I begin to feel feverish. Have I been stung? Is there venom working its way through my system now? I try to check myself for wounds, but without the ability to turn my head, I can’t tell. 

Something stirs in the darkness, just beyond the edge of the light. But it's a woman that emerges from the darkness, not a giant arachnid. She avoids the direct sunlight, but I can make her out well enough in the light filling the cave. Two things catch my eye immediately: one, she is naked and two, she is green. Other than her coloring, she looks human, with dark black hair falling in waves down her back, but something in the way she moves suggests other-worldliness, like the bones under her skin are not the same as mine. 

“Relax human, I am not going to eat you.” Her lips don’t move but her voice echoes inside my head as she holds my gaze with her piercing green eyes and keeps walking closer. Her voice is soft but deep, with a slight snake-like hiss trailing each word. 

I am not relaxed. “What are you? Where am I?” I ask, tugging futilely on my trapped limbs.

“Relax,” she hisses again in my head. She’s only an arm’s length away now. If my hands weren’t stuck to the wall, I could touch her. “You fell into our home. My sisters and I. But we will take care of you.”

I've been so preoccupied with this woman I didn’t even notice the dozen or so other women hiding in the shadows. But now I see their green feminine faces peering out of the shadows.

“You’re not human,” I say. Perhaps she doesn’t intend to eat me, but all the faces watching me appear ravenous. 

“No, we are not.” Her mouth smiles but the rest of her face stays smooth and changing. She reaches out and entwines her fingers with mine. Her skin is warm and soft and unnaturally smooth. Her fingers are shaped like mine, but she has no fingerprints, no ridges or creases, no wrinkles or blemishes of any kind. “We are shape-shifters.”

The burning sensation in my skin increases in intensity, radiating out from where she is touching me. “What do you want with me?” I pant, trying and failing to twist out of her grasp.

A pink pointed tongue flashes between her lips and a new sound echoes in my head. Repetitive bursts of hissing, like if a snake could laugh. 

“Our species has no males of its own,” she answers, trailing her fingers up and down my arm, heating my body further. “We can reproduce without them, but over time our gene pool becomes stagnant.” As she says it, her tongue protrudes from her mouth again and she begins to lick up my arm, using her tongue to free my hand from sticky goo. 

The warmth from her spreads to my groin where my dick begins to harden against my will. “And how does that involve me?” I gulp. 

She places my now free hand over her round, green breast. It has that same perfect smoothness as the rest of her. “You will mate with me. And my sisters. Until you no longer can.” 

My mind recoils in horror, but my cock leaps upward. Tingling sensations cover my whole body as I shiver. What will happen to me once I no longer can?

I try to pull my hand away from her, but I can’t, as if it's been magnetized to her flesh. If I get even a centimeter off the surface of her, an invisible force pulls me right back. She grins and begins freeing my other hand. 

She places one of my fingers in her mouth and begins to suck. Her mouth is warm and wet, but smooth inside. None of the hard teeth of a human mouth meant for eating. This mouth is purely decorative. She adds another finger. I can’t help but imagine what her mouth would feel like on my dick, which is now straining against the confines of my pants. 

“But my crew…” I pant, struggling and falling to remove my fingers from her mouth. “I have to go. They need me. I can’t stay here.”

That same hissing laughter reverberates through my head. “Your crew is gone. They left you here with us.”

She holds up my hand so I can see my life monitor flashing on my wrist. No heartbeat. No breathing. It looks like I am dead. My crew would have followed protocol and not come to find me if I were dead. I would have insisted on it if I were still on the surface with them and one of them had tumbled into a crater. No sense in risking everyone to save one. Especially one presumed dead. I am alone.

“Oh don’t look so sad,” she says, still sucking on my fingers. “We’ll take good care of you.” She places my other hand on her other breast, so both green globes rest in my hands. Two hard nipples poke into the palm of each of my hands.

“We can take whatever form is most pleasing to you.” As she says it, her breasts expand beneath my hands, growing larger and heavier, until they are nearly the size of my head. My hands barely cover the nipples. I can’t help squeezing, feverish with the desire to bury my face in them. My cock hurts with how hard it is pressing into my zipper, but I can’t adjust it with my hands glued to her breasts. 

As if she can read my thoughts, and perhaps she can, she glances down at my groin. She holds out one long finger and as I watch, it elongates and sharpens, until it is the size and shape of a kitchen knife.

I watch in horror, powerless to do anything but squeeze her enormous green breasts, as she uses her finger to slice clean down the center of my suit, cutting through all the layers like butter and leaving my bare torso exposed to the room. The watching women in the shadows exchange glances at each other and lick their lips. 

“You won’t be needing these anymore,” she says as she cuts through my pants as well. My erection bounces free and points directly at her. The remnants of my clothes remain stuck in goo behind me, my clothes hanging in tatters over my otherwise naked form. Weirdly the room doesn’t feel cold. In fact I am way too warm. 

“He is ready,” she says, still in my head, but not directed at me. “Get him down.”

Three of the other women, also naked, rush over to me. My heart races. I brace myself so that the moment my feet hit the ground, I can run. The other women repeat the same licking procedure to free my legs. I can’t turn my head to look, but I feel their little tongues running up along the backs of my legs, leaving behind my clothing. I am limp as they free me, not wanting to give away my plan. Finally the back of my head pops free of the sticky goo and I fall forward. 

My feet hit the ground, but they don’t support my weight. In fact they don't respond to me at all. I crumple forward into the arms of the first woman, falling to my knees and unavoidably burying my face in her chest. Even though I am free from the goop, my body remains limp and unresponsive. 

“What’s wrong with my legs?” I ask, my voice muffled by the enormous breasts on either side of my head. 

“Nothing’s wrong.” She strokes up and down my back in a tender gesture. “Legs are not necessary.”

All I can do is groan as she picks me up like a small child, leaving my face buried in her luscious chest. The collective attending women spread my tattered clothing on the floor and she lays me down on it, naked and unable to move. She detaches my hands from her breasts and they fall limp to the floor. My erection curves up toward my belly, undeterred by my powerlessness. 

As the women stand over me, I get my first glimpse of the slits between their legs. Pink, like their tongues, and wet, like their mouths. I wonder if they are smooth on the inside as well. My dick twitches, a small drop of moisture beading at the tip. My captor sees it and grins, licking her lips. 

“Prepare him,” she commands to her surrounding attendants. 

One of the women lays down next to me, grabbing the base of my cock and pointing it upwards. Another woman takes the opposite side, cupping my balls in her hand and rolling them around her palm. 

“He is full.” It’s hard to tell which of them says it when none of their mouths move, but it’s probably the one cradling my testicles. The one holding my cock licks her finger, then slides it into my ass. Whatever they have done to my legs seems to also be happening to my anus, because her finger meets no resistance.  As she prods at my prostate, more clear liquid trickles from my cock. “We are ready.” 

The first woman, the one with the still gigantic breasts, stands over me. I watch as the pink slit between her legs lowers closer and closer to my awaiting cock, forcibly pointed directly at her. As she gets closer, the tingling burning sensation clusters in my groin. It’s driving me crazy that neither of the other women move their hands at all. I can’t get away. I can’t make it happen faster. I can’t do anything but lie here and let them do what they want. Powerless to stop them. Powerless to end it. My cock is so hard it hurts. 

She reaches me and sinks down. She’s warm and wet, expanding to receive me. I groan in frustration as she moves down so very slowly. She’s so tight. Smooth and tight and warm and wet. Unlike a human woman, there is no end to her, she just keeps sucking my dick inside her until our pelvises are flush with one another. 

“Please, please,” I beg and I don’t know what I’m begging for. I want her to stop. I want to get up and leave this place. I don’t want to impregnate a hive of telepathic shape-shifting spider women. 

And yet… and yet the way she squeezes around me, the way she rakes her hands up and down my chest as she rolls her hips, the way her warm smooth skin feels under my hands, it’s all I can do to not explode on the spot. 

She smiles, as if she can feel my desperation. “No need for endurance here. You will come, again and again. No matter what you do.”

She rolls her hips again and squeezes even tighter and I’m coming. All the other hands begin moving and I cry out. The hand on my balls massages gently. The fingers pushing on my prostate pulse in rhythm with my own muscle contractions. It’s the longest orgasm I’ve ever experienced. My abs hurt from contracting over and over, trying to thrust up into her, but powerless to do anything but lie there and take it. 

I come so much that some of it leaks out back out of her, spilling down both sides of me. The woman with her finger in my ass uses her other hand to scoop some of it up and taste. “Mmm, he is delicious.”

The woman on top of me smiles, rubbing her lower belly contentedly. Maybe it is my imagination, but it looks slightly swollen. “Ah, you like this,” she says in my head. “You like watching me grow round with your seed. Come again for me and I will grow more.”

There’s no way. I’ve never been one for multiples and that was the most intense orgasm I’ve ever experienced. My dick is already softening and yet she only gives me a moment before she is moving again. Something inside her seems to suck my dick into her, holding me in place even when no longer erect. It’s unbearable and astounding. All I can do is squeeze her breasts harder and beg her to stop. Then she starts moving again. 

 I think I might die. Over and over, she brings me to climax, with the aid of the hands of her eager accomplices. She places my hands on the swell of her abdomen and I can feel it as she swells again. She keeps growing larger, belly more and more distended and lord help me, it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. 

Each time I come, I beg her to stop. “I can’t do it again. There’s no more left.” 

“You can and you will.”

The last time I come, my dick isn’t even hard any more.  But I still feel it pulse feebly inside of her. Every muscle in my body aches. There’s nothing left.

“He is empty,” one of them finally says. The woman on top of me smiles again and strokes my cheek. “Well done,” she whispers. 

“Are you…” I fight to ask on the edge of consciousness. “Are you going to kill me now?”

The hissing laughter echoes around the room. “Why would we do that?” The main woman asks. “Your stores will replenish overnight, yes?”

“Yes…” I nod, closing my eyes. 

“Then we’ll see you tomorrow,” she says. I feel myself being lifted and placed upright back on the wall, still naked. “There are still so many of my sisters needing your services.” My arms are pinned back into place and I lose consciousness. 

Namjoon stares down at the release cooling on his belly with a mixture of relief and regret. God, if any of his crew found this document… if they knew the trashy ridiculous things he was getting off on… How could they still respect him ? How could they still trust him with their mission and their lives? 

At least now that he’s not battling a hard-on, his perspective on their botanist is clearer. This sexual longing isn’t really about her. He’s sexually frustrated and she’s provoked this response in him by mentioning the thing that was previously unmentionable . As long as he can keep his own urges at bay, it shouldn’t be a problem. 

He is concerned about her though. Despite her assurances that she is of sound mind and knows what she’s doing, Namjoon doesn’t see a way this ends in anything but a larger problem for her . 

He navigates away from the porn to his messages and is relieved to find there are no signed HR forms in his email. Surprising though. His crew has more discretion that he would have guessed. 

________

Namjoon emerges from his sleep pod a little while later, having washed and dressed for the day, and heads for the bridge. It’s time to relieve Jin of bridge duty, so the pilot can get some sleep. 

Halfway to the bridge though, he discovers his chief engineer floating in the observation bay, staring out into the black night sky.

“Good morning, Officer Min.” They haven’t talked to one another since yesterday’s surprise powerpoint and Namjoon’s not sure he’s ready to have this conversation, but the slight frown on Yoongi’s face as he stares into space suggests he might need someone to talk to.

“Good morning, Commander.” Yoongi sips something out of a zero-g drink pouch. Probably coffee.

“How are you this morning?”  Namjoon asks, inwardly cringing at how awkward this feels. He and Yoongi have always had a peaceful relationship. They are comfortable with each other, work well together, have known each for years and have been on several missions together. But they don’t talk much about feelings. 

Yoongi side-eyes Namjoon, squinting skeptically. “I’m fine. Is there something I can assist you with, Commander?” 

Namjoon huffs, frustrated that Yoongi is making him spell it out. “I was surprised I didn’t receive an HR form from you this morning.”

Yoongi lifts an eyebrow and takes another sip of his drink. “You want us to sign the HR forms?”

“Well, no, no I don’t.” Namjoon shakes his head. “But I assumed, what with your relationship with our botanist…”

Yoongi grunts. “We don’t have a relationship.” 

Ugh, why does he have to make this so difficult? “But you did, didn’t you?” Namjoon asks.

Yoongi looks back out into space and shrugs in a way that feels entirely too nonchalant. “We helped each other out, when the need arose.”

“Goddamn it, Yoongi, can you please give a damn?” Namjoon chastises. “ All of this nonsense is your fault. The least you could do is care.”

“My fault? How is this my fault?” 

“You used her!” Namjoon roars, his frustration rushing out all at once. “You started this cause you couldn’t keep your own urges in check.” 

“You think I’m using her ?” Yoongi scoffs and it is enraging how little guilt he seems to feel about his role in this. “She doesn’t need you to protect her, Namjoon.”

Namjoon can’t help himself. He grabs Yoongi by the shoulders and spins him to face him. “No, she needs you to protect her. When this all goes south, which it inevitably will, it will all come down on her.” He shoves Yoongi away so hard that Yoongi has to grab onto the window sill to prevent flying to the other side of the room.

Yoongi sighs and slumps against the window, looking sad and defeated. “What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know. Can’t you go talk to her instead of sulking here? This whole seven forms thing just seems like an effort to make you jealous. Clearly your form is the one she wants the most.”

Yoongi laughs unhappily. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I asked her to sign a form. Too fucking late obviously, but I did ask her.”

“You did?”

“Yeah and then she made a powerpoint explaining how she’d rather fuck six other men than be with me.”

“You wanted her to be exclusive with you?”

Yoongi sighs again, fidgeting with the now empty drink pouch in his hands. “When it started, I just wanted to make her happy.”

Uh oh. Namjoon has seen that wistful sadness once from Yoongi before, back before this mission . The flight engineer’s feelings must run deeper than he is willing to admit. “Well, shit,” Namjoon says.

“Yup.” Yoongi replies. 

Perhaps she really does want no-strings-attached ape sex. Their botanist seems to think she can biohack her way to group cohesion, emotions be damned . 

“Are you going to…?” Yoongi starts to ask, but trails off, perhaps deciding he doesn’t actually want to know. 

“Sign the form?” Namjoon asks. Yoongi nods. “No.” Namjoon shakes his head. “It’d be a huge ethical breach. Plus, I’m not sure I could take it. Best to never go down that road.”

There’s silence. Yoongi turns back to watch the stars out the window.

“If no one signs, do you think she’ll let it go?” Namjoon asks. 

Yoongi chuckles. “I doubt it.” 

“Yeah…” Namjoon didn’t have high hopes for that one. “Well, I’m due on the bridge. Take care of yourself, Yoongi.”

“You too, Namjoon.”

_______

Namjoon’s hopes of it all going away if no one signs are dashed the next day by a signed form from Taehyung. It’s not very surprising given how lonely and homesick Taehyung has been. 

But then there are no further forms for days. And everyone is behaving so professionally that he might think he had hallucinated the whole thing if he didn’t have his own ready-to-sign HR form from her still sitting in his inbox . 

It catches him off guard on Monday evening when his phone pings with a notification from Jin and he opens it to find a signed HR form . Really ? Jin? Why wouldn’t Jin talk to him about this first? Shit, he needs to find him. 

Namjoon checks Jin’s sleep pod, but he’s not there. He pulls up the form again to double-check, as he heads to the kitchen. Sure enough, Jin’s signature is scrawled right next to hers. 

Really ? Jin? He didn’t think his pilot had any particular interest in their botanist beyond collegiality . Or she in him, for that matter. At the meeting, Jin had only seemed concerned about the welfare of the group. 

Another ding on the tablet pulls Namjoon from his thoughts to discover there is yet another signed HR form in his inbox, this one from Jungkook . Uh oh. Something is happening. He starts walking faster.

Is Namjoon going to be the only one who doesn’t sign? But there’s no way he can sign, right? His job is to protect her and honor her and do what’s best for her. She’s his responsibility. His only female crew member. He’s her commanding officer. He can’t just be another man who fucks her. 

Namjoon’s inner crisis is suddenly ended by a head-on collision with something warm. Something soft. Something that giggles.

“What the-“ he says, throwing his hands up, eyes greeted by a wall of bare flesh. 

“Shit, sorry commander.” Jin says. Namjoon has been plowed into by his pilot hauling their botanist ass-up over his shoulder. And the warm soft things that had collided with his face were the backs of her naked thighs. “Excuse us.” Jin steps around him with no explanation and continues down the hallway. 

What the fuck is happening? 

He makes eye contact with her as she peers over Jin’s absurdly broad back. Her eyes go wide and oh god, she’s so cute. The mix of embarrassment, determination and mischief on her face is so appealing he’s having trouble even being angry about the obvious breach of protocol .  Right before they disappear from view into Jin’s sleep pod, he hears them both giggle. They’re having fun together. 

Ugh. Namjoon slumps against the wall and massages his forehead with one hand. What is she doing naked in the middle of the hallway? How is he supposed to keep things professional if she’s running around naked all the time? 

Namjoon clenches his fist and heads in the direction they came from, seeing if he can figure out what happened . He finds Jungkook in the kitchen, staring at a bowl of ramen noodles. 

“Jungkook?” Namjoon asks. “Everything okay?”

Jungkook looks up at him and swallows. “Um, yeah, um, fine.” The youngest crew member stands up, looking shaken. 

“Did you see what happened just now between our pilot and our botanist?”

Jungkook nods.

“Well? What happened?” Namjoon asks. 

Jungkook laughs in disbelief and shakes his head. “I’m not sure you’d believe me even if I told you.” He looks up, eye catching on the camera in the corner of the room. It’s covered by a cloth or something, Namjoon’s not sure what. Jungkook’s eyes widen again and he rushes over the camera, taking the cloth off the camera and tucking it into his pocket . “The camera recorded most of it.” Jungkook adds. “If you’ll excuse me Commander…” 

Jungkook weaves around Namjoon so fast, Namjoon barely has time to scold him. The specialist is rattled . He disappears into the hallway, leaving his noodles uneaten. 

None of this makes any sense. Has everyone lost their minds? Namjoon has half a mind to call Jin down for a cognition test right now. But he grits his teeth and heads for the bridge. 

Jimin is manning the bridge, but Namjoon boots him out, muttering something about "personnel issues" . He rushes over to the ship monitors and rewinds the recorded video of the kitchen feed by twenty minutes. 

He hits play when he finds Jungkook eating alone at the table.  For thirty seconds, nothing happens. Namjoon almost fast-forwards, but then shouting begins in the hall. 

“What do you want from me?” their botanist shouts, still out of sight of the camera.

Yoongi comes storming into the kitchen with her following closely behind. She’s glaring at the back of his head as he moves in the direction of the pantry. If Yoongi took Namjoon’s advice to talk to her, it wasn’t going well. 

She puts her hands on her hips and turns to Jungkook at the table.  “And what about you? Don’t you want to fuck me?”

Namjoon can’t see Jungkook’s face, but Jungkook’s whole body twitches. “I, um…” Jungkook stammers. 

She leans against the table, bending over him. “Didn’t you enjoy my video? Don’t you want to see the real thing?”

“Uh…” Jungkook shivers again, but gestures toward Yoongi. “ Maybe the two of you should talk this out…”

She crosses her arms, pressing her breasts upward and leaning further into Jungkook’s space . Namjoon has never seen her like this. She’s so determined. It’s both terrifying and arousing. 

“This isn’t about him,” she says, gesturing at Yoongi’s back. “Whatever the flight engineer wants to do is up to him. He knows where I stand. This is about me and you.”

Shit, where does she stand? What did she say to Yoongi? Does Yoongi really know what she wants? Because it didn’t seem like it the last time they talked. 

“It’s not like I’m not interested…” Jungkook’s legs bounce with nervous energy. “But I told you I was in love with you and you literally had a panic attack.”

Jungkook’s in love with her? When did that happen? How much has been happening on this ship that Namjoon doesn’t know about?

Their determined botanist startles slightly and pulls her tablet out of her pocket. Her eyes widen as she reads something on the screen. 

“What is it?” Jungkook asks, slight edge to his voice. 

And then Jin appears in the doorway and seems surprised to see her. “Oh, I thought you’d still be on shift.”

She looks equally surprised. “You signed the form,” she says. 

“What? He did?” Jungkook leans forward trying to see her tablet screen. 

“Oh, um, yeah,” Jin laughs. “That’s what you wanted right?”

“Yes, that’s what I wanted.” A shift comes over her as she stands up. Namjoon recognizes her change in demeanor, though he's only ever seen it before in regards to mission parameters or experimental protocols . She has a plan. Namjoon involuntarily shivers in anticipation. Every man in the room has his eyes fixed on her. “You’re the first one I’ve gotten,” she says. “So you can go first.”

“Wait, what?” Jin stammers. “But you and the commander?”

Kim Seokjin, you idiot. Namjoon puts his head down on the console in exasperation. If only he had asked Namjoon first. Why would he leap to this as the next logical step?

She shakes her head.”He didn’t sign.” Namjoon squints at her face on the screen, trying to gauge if she is disappointed by that. But the camera is too low resolution to decipher much of her expression. 

“You and Taehyung though? I saw him take off his shirt and cover the camera,” Jin argues. 

Goddamn, there is so much that Namjoon doesn’t know. He misses some of the next exchange as he wonders what exactly she was doing with a shirtless Taehyung. 

Jin is flustered now. “Oh, well, um…” he tugs at the collar of his jumpsuit. “ Maybe we can talk more about this after dinner?”

“That’s one option…” she moves closer to him, fingers on the zipper of her jumpsuit. Namjoon’s forehead breaks out in a sweat. “Or you could fuck me now.”

No, no, no. It’s so reminiscent of the dream version of her that he slaps himself on the cheek to check he’s actually awake. 

Jin moves to the other side of the kitchen, as intimidated by her as Namjoon is at the moment. “There are people eating here!”

“Nothing they haven’t seen before.” She begins unzipping her jumpsuit and neither Jin, nor Jungkook, nor Yoongi, nor Namjoon can look away . When did their cute nerdy botanist become this crazed seductress? Namjoon has half a mind to ask Hoseok to double check the asteroid samples for alien brainwashing parasites . 

Her jumpsuit reaches her hips and she peels off her tank top. Just as Namjoon catches a glimpse of her panties peeking out from the bottom of the jumpsuit, she throws the tanktop toward him and the whole screen goes dark . 

“Shit!” It takes all of Namjoon’s self-control not to rip the screen out of the console in an impossible attempt to move the shirt off of the camera . “No, no, goddammit. What happened?”

He scrolls forward in the video, but it remains dark until Jungkook finally pulls the shirt off the camera again and Namjoon finds his own shocked and dumb face starring back at him .