hey, i have a question regarding your previous ask about being culturally shia, and im sorry its so personal but i was raised muslim too, and until like 4 months ago i believed in god. i think im an atheist now. basically i went through so many stages of grief regarding this because i used to be very strictly religious, but i have too much religious trauma to ever go back (it fucked my childhood, my perception of pretty much everything, and made me miss out on so many things and held me back) i just settled on identifying as culturally muslim because i was too attached to that identity, and giving it up made me feel ashamed and and scared. but because of the religious trauma im acknowledging right now, i feel myself hate islam more and more. its not even like my parents were misguided, they have both studied islam, and we used to translate and analyze the Quran every night in lockdown, so i know its not like i was shown a fake islam. but i dont want to turn islamophobic either and im afraid thats exactly whats happening. did you go through this? if so, how did you deal with it? again, sorry if this is too personal, i just have no one to talk to about this, since all my friends are devout muslims
thanks for asking, its an understandable position to be in. i didnt go through it myself, no, but i chalk that up to a number of factors, among other things being raised in a less strict household in terms of islam and always being kinda skeptical/agnostic (and my family openly discussing that with me and disagreeing without hostility or punishment).
that said, its completely understandable, i have a lot of friends (mostly sunni actually) who would also self describe as having religious trauma and a couple in particular who have expressed similar concerns to me about ‘turning islamophobic.’ i asked one of them if i have permission to send u their way so if u wanna talk w someone who has direct experience w this send me a dm and ill give u their discord!
since ur asking for my opinion, i think the answer lies in trying to de-exceptionalize islam and try to internalize that while the shape of the violence you endured may be particular to it (and more specifically to the version of islam particular to your context) religious violence (both direct and structural) is neither exclusive to islam nor is much of the structure of religious violence exclusive to religion. kinda abstract i know, but what that means concretely is perhaps talking to people of other religions with religious trauma, especially the other abrahamic religions, and trying to see the parallels, and trying to think deeply about the entangled structures (family, economy, etc) that informed your particular experience of islam
another thing i would recommend is trying to understand that islamophobia is not just criticism of islam but a specific political force that serves a specific function in the context of global white supremacist capitalism. you dont need to love islam or forego all criticism of it (though i have to stress again that islam isnt really One thing) or even be a muslim to reject and resist islamophobia.
let me harp for a second on that paranthetical, part of understanding islamophobia as a force is that it creates its own object, i.e. it conflates all the various movements, practices, etc. associated with islam into a singular self-identical movement, thus all islam becomes political islam, all political islam becomes identical (hezbollah = taliban = daesh = ikhwan, etc)*, and in classic orientalist fashion, its (ancient/timeless) essence is the antithesis of correspondingly essential western virtues; it is irrationalist, patriarchal, anti-democratic, etc.
if you’re open to it, tell me more about what thoughts you’re having that you fear are islamophobic, and what it means for you to “hate” islam
* not to mention, secular arab movements can become “islam” aswell since this is a form of racism ultimately
